Cat Ballou

Sumpqua!

Sumpqua!

All out for sumpqua.

All aboard.

Here you stand, Catherine, on the threshold of life.

You have graduated from my academy

With a first-rate education.

Ah-ha!

Fully equipped to deal with the misery, unhappiness

And stupidity on every hand.

Remember, teach as I taught you.

Oh, well, that man looks clean, at least.

This here man is in my custody,

And I don't want nobody near him.

Oh, don't look at him, Catherine!

Oh, a man of god.

Sir, would you look after this girl?

All aboard!

Oh, Catherine!

You were a good student, and I know you'll be a good teacher.

I have to go.

Oh, Mrs. Parker.

All aboard.

Goodbye, darling. Be a good girl.

Miss Parker didn't introduce us. I'm Catherine Ballou.

I'm drunk as a skunk.

I apologize for being in this disgusting condition.

I assure you, I'll not inflict myself on you further.

First time in my life I ever drank.

I took the pledge of the A's A at the big temperance meeting

In Gratzburg, Montana.

You remember that?

Oh, it was a great outpouring of the spirit,

And I'll not inflict myself on you any further.

Thank you.

Tennyson.

Spins a good yarn, does he, Tennyson?

He's a great poet!

Poet?

May I?

"I stepped out of the dark barroom into the street

"where the sun beat down unmerciful.

"and bent stood a-hollerin', "come on out, Kid Shelleen.

"I'm gonna blow you clear out of Tombstone and into hell.""

Tennyson's a good poet.

"Kid Shelleen and the massacre at Whiskey Slide."

Ma'am, I apologize for my disgusting condition.

And I assure you, I will not inflict myself on you any further.

I wish there was something I could do.

You're very kind, but I got here all the help he'll need.

That's very true.

There are good things in the bible for a time like this.

Oh, ain't there.

This berth next, young lady.

If you'll just step into the aisle.

Excuse me, ma'am. Sorry!

I reckon I won't never see you no more.

It's been a pleasure knowing you.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Yeah?

Hallelujah, brother!

I'm here to comfort the sinner

And return the stray lamb to the fold.

Let him who's troubled... You got a match?

Go on.

Eh...

Hallelujah, brother!

I'm here to comfort the sinner

And return the stray lamb to the fold.

Let him who's troubled, let him...

Thanks.

You're welcome. You was saying?

Eh, uh...

Hallelujah, brother!

I am here to comfort the sinner and, and...

And all like that.

Now just a minute, pilgrim.

All right. Come on in.

My poor fellow,

Are there any particular verses you'd like to hear?

Ha!

Told you. He's about as religious as a hog.

There's bound to be something in here that can help him.

Keep every Sheriff easy, move. Eh, uh...

Hands over your head.

Sure glad to see you, Uncle Jed. Likewise.

Keep him covered now. Yeah.

Open wide.

All right. Come on now! Handcuff him to the pipe.

Yeah.

Hit him! Hit him!

Will you hit him?

Hold him! I'll hit him!

Pick up the stuff. I'll cuff him to the pipe.

Come on!

Let me have one of them guns.

Didn't you take his? Didn't you?

I'm worried he's gonna blast himself free.

Go ahead, jump!

Jump?

Jump!

What happened?

He freed my prisoner. Who did?

That bible-thumper that was sitting with the girl.

You mean that young lady in lower five?

Yeah, that's her!

please.

Right here.

Hey, you in there. Hey, girl!

Come on, miss, wake up!

The Sheriff wants to talk to you. Come on. Wake up, wake up.

Parson you was sitting with. Where he go? Did you see him?

And my prisoner?

Maybe he's in the next car. Come on!

Oh, I shouldn't have done that.

Oh, sure you should, honey.

No question about it in my mind at all.

It was morally wrong.

But it happened so fast, I didn't know what to think.

I... I was afraid he'd hurt you.

That's right, that's right.

You know, he'd have blowed my head off.

what are you doing?

Oh, I got a catarrhal condition.

Well, you're too close. Scrootch back.

Oh, don't think I was offering unwelcome advances.

I put women on a pedestal. I do.

Further.

I'm smack up against the side right now.

It's gonna get mighty uncomfortable.

Well, you're not gonna be in here long enough for that.

You gotta get out of here the moment it's safe.

Well, that's what I'm anxious to do.

You think I'd care to stay any longer than needed?

Ooh! There are still people out there.

Darn!

I guess I'll just have to stay put, then.

Even though it goes against my very grain.

You take your arm away this second.

Hmm? Oh.

Listen, I am supposed to be a school teacher.

I'll scream!

Hey!

I was only gonna see if the coast is clear.

Gents out there with shotguns.

Oh, what are we gonna do? You can't stay here.

Oh, lordy, I hate shotguns. Don't you?

I mean, they leave such an oozy corpse.

But there's one chance in a 100 I can make it.

I'm gonna take that chance for your sake.

You being a school teacher and all.

No, wait! No, no, no.

I'd rather get cut down in the prime of my young manhood

Than risk compromising a nice girl like you.

Here. If they get me, though,

I want you should have my watch and chain.

Oh, this is awful!

Ain't it, though?

You get away!

Well, I just gotta watch what's going on, don't i?

I'll do the watching. You get away.

I thought you were lyin'.