Desperate Acts of Magic

we are going to connect your

existing database to your

accounting system, using what's

known as a joint...

now...

Jason here is one of our top

software developers.

Jason, tell them how this is

going to work.

Jason ?!

oh!

oh! sorry.

sorry.

oh!

I’m sorry.

well...I said we'd save you

money, and Jason's already

throwing it at you.

you know, Jason, I was hesitant

to hire you at first, because

you said you wanted to be a

magician.

but, as the years went on, i

could see that was going

nowhere.

and I was pleased.

I-I’m really sorry about

before.

I’m not.

it shows me that you don't want

this as a career.

yes, I do!

I love databases.

databases are boring, but I love

them.

that's my life.

your life is magic.

and this job is -- it's standing

in your way.

you're -- you're firing me?

don't look at it that way.

it's a "fire-tunity."

you're never going to succeed

unless your life depends on it.

it's not that easy.

poof! you're gone.

hey, I just did a magic trick.

uh...that one!

yes!

I won!

hey, buddy, you want to make

some money?

sorry, not -- not interested.

come on! it's easy.

just follow the pea.

come on over.

I want to play again.

cool.

all right, let's go.

n-no, no, don't play.

it's a scam.

as long as he lifts the shell,

it's impossible to win.

hey, hey, hey, hey.

do I mess with your business?

no, I didn’t mean --

shh!

do I mess with your business?

then, don't mess with mine.

if you're too scared to play,

beat it.

but let the woman play.

look. I’m sorry.

wait. wait!

you play for fun, no money.

take your money, lady.

here.

all right?

check this out.

we got the pea.

no pea, nothing here.

nice and simple.

straight line, to the right, to

the left, back into a nice

diagonal.

which one is it under?

come on.

which one is it under?

all right!

look at you.

just made 20 bucks.

can't believe it.

here. take the money.

double or nothing.

if you tell me which shell it's

under...it's yours.

you let me lift the shell?

sure.

you lift the shell.

but first, you got put in a $20

to match it.

i put in a $20, but if I get

it right, I get both bills.

it's that simple.

good stuff.

very nice.

we have $40.

all right, just follow the pea,

nice and simple.

the little guy.

here's the pea.

no pea.

pay close attention.

straight line, to the right, to

the left, into a nice diagonal.

which one is it under?

you cheated.

I saw you do the move.

I know how it works.

you cheated!

no, I know magic.

hey!

you just stole my money!

nope. we both did.

Steve, I got to tell you what

happened yesterday.

hey, buddy, I’m on the phone.

now listen.

I don’t walk out the door for

less than 400 bucks.

you'll have to find somebody

else.

what is it? I’ll do it.

hang on.

it's a magic-o-gram.

a what?

trust me. you don't want it.

yes, I do. I lost my job.

really?

yeah.

great news!

I’ve got someone to replace me.

he's a terrific magician, and

he'll work cheap.

how much?

a hundred bucks?

$150.

plus, $50 extra for the

balloons.

great!

he'll see you tomorrow.

terrific. thanks.

wear a tux.

a tux?

why does every magician think

they have to wear a tux?

so they don't think you're

the plumber, although that could

get you laid.

hello, my brothers!

I have rubber chickens for sale.

Jack, Jason here has just

joined our ranks of professional

magicians.

quit the day job, huh?

pretty much.

congratulations.

i hereby appoint you as the

newest member to the

third-most-mocked profession,

right behind ventriloquists and

mimes.

thanks.

hey, I’m gonna need a package of

paper hat tears.

sure. $14.95.

I actually lost my wallet.

it's a long story.

dude, do you mind -- can you

spot me?

you want me to buy your hat

tears?

just this once.

I’m waiting on my credit card.

that was Don Tarzia.

who?

oh, come on.

you got to know these people if

you're gonna get anywhere.

from the San Diego convention.

I just got booked for next week.

cool.

maybe I’ll take Denise.

who's Denise?

oh, she's this girl I’m

seeing.

she is fantastic.

she had her hands all over me at

the magic palace.

I took her in the séance room.