Monkeybone

Back, Stanley.

You are going back--

Back to when it all began.

Are you back yet?

Get back! We haven't got all day!

It was third grade. The teacher was Miss Hudlapp.

She was kinda squat and lumpy. She smelled funny.

- But she was kind. - Class!

How many times have I told you? In this class...

we do not pound ten-penny nails into Stanley's head!

You know how some teachers have those kinda flaps on their arms--

Those big sacks of limp flab that, like, dangle?

- Aahh. - It sounds weird,

but for some reason, as I watched those big old flaps of hers,

- I began to feel... -

oddly... aroused.

And then the horror began.

- -

Young man, what's that in your lap?

Oh, it was useless-- like putting a baseball cap on the Washington Monument.

And then, all at once, there he was--

Monkeybone!

- Hey, baby, I love your way! - Oh!

Moo-coo! Moo-coo! Moo-coo! Moo-coo!

How 'bout it, Doc-- can you help me?

All in good time, my boy. All in good time.

Oh, what a loser!

Oh, roll out the wacky wagons!

Well, that's our pilot. And the good news is...

the Comedy Channel has picked us up with an order for six episodes.

And now I'd like you to meet the man who got it all started,

the creator of America's most disturbed comic strip,

the man behind the monkey, if you will.

Ladies and gentlemen, please-- Stu Miley!

- - Come on, Stu. Don't be shy!

You can't go yet. There's a potload of money here.

Besides, you haven't talked to Bill from Bazoom Toys, who's got great ideas.

Oh, Mr. Miley, do we ever! Check it out. The Monkeybone phone.

Every kid's gonna want three and want their friends to have three.

Check out the slippers. You're walking, your tootsies are warm, you're laughing.

The Monkeybone backpack. If you're goin' to Europe, flip it around--

Stu. Stu. Stu, what are you doin'? Come on. Come on.

We gotta talk to the guys from Burger God.

Burger God-- aren't they the ones that found the rat gut in the french fries?

No. No.

No, they found a pig gut, which is different.

- Mmm. - That's-That's practically pork.

- - It's a lot of real money,

the kind of money that can buy happiness.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- I got the ring, Herb. - The what?

- The ring. That ring. - What ring? No.

- What-What do you mean? - Tonight's the night, Herb.

- Why? - Tonight is the night.

That girl pulled me out of a nightmare.

She makes me happy, Herb, not all of this stuff.

Right over here. Do you see this door?

The cool thing is that you open it,

you go out, it closes, and you can't get back in.

- But, Stu, you want to leave? - Yeah.

- You're a hit! Everybody loves you! - Come on!

Doc, I don't want to be stuck here with a bunch of these media creeps.

I just want to be us, home, alone.

Come on. Besides, I have something that I-I want to give to you.

Can't you give it to me later?

Yes, I could, but if later got here sooner, it-- it would be a lot better.

Hi, Herb.

- Ah, yes. - Herb--

Yeah. Oh-- Yeah, that'll be good. You got everything? Ah, yeah.

Stu, these are just prototypes. They aren't the real products.

Just something for you to take home. Just spend some time with them,

get a feeling for them before you say " no."

- No. -

Stu, come on. One more thing.

Actually, there's a couple of trucks to come with, you know, Monkeybone stuff.

- You guys mind waiting a little longer? -

Good night, Herb.

Of course. You guys get outta here. You're a beautiful couple.

Look at this. Now he won't let us leave.

- Who? - The monkey! Hey, Herb,

Can you get this guy to move?

- Oh, yeah. Okay. - Come on, please? Help me out here.

Stu, stop. The monkey is good luck.

- Come on. - I never had any good luck...

- until I met you. - Everybody loves him.

You're gonna be a huge success, so just relax and enjoy it.

- -

Thank you, Herb!

- What happened? - I don't know!

- What is it? - Some sort of inflatable raft.

Oh! Whoa!

Whaa--

- Stop the car! Stop the car! - Whoa!

Put on the brakes! Stop the car!

- Great idea! Wish I'd thought of that! -

Stu, I'm right here, baby.

It's me. It's Julie. I love you.

Everything's gonna be okay, I promise. I promise.

I'm Dr. McElroy from the Sleep Institute. This man is my patient.

There's no response to external stimuli.

- - He's probably slipped into a coma.

Take him to the university hospital. They have the best head trauma center.

Now arriving in Down Town.

Please exit to the right of the car.

- Hello? - Please exit to the right of the car.

- Am I dead? - Next stop, Land of Death.

Wait, please! I'd like to know if I'm dead.

Hey, young man! Carry your bags to the "Y"? Ow!

Hello, handsome. Like cigars?

- - We got 'em cheap. Genuine Cubans.

- - Say, fella!

How's about a shoeshine? Spit and polish! Whoo-hoo!

Yo, coma dude! Man, what's your hurry?

Nothin' but a bad freak show in there.

Yeah, big boy, what about that backpack ?

Nightmares! Get your nightmares here! Step right up!

Oh, we got nightmares about Daddy, nightmares about Mama.

Oh, yeah. Step right up here! Get some nightmares here.

- Can you help me? - Oh, hey, there, young fella.

- Wanna see a nightmare? -

- Hey, mister, got a smoke on ya? - No, I'm trying to cut back.

Goo-ooo-ood eatin'!

Barbecue pork, barbecue squab.

- Bacon! - Step right up, three for a dollar.

Win a prize for the little lady.

- - Hey, bud, glad to see me?

- N-No. - What's the matter?

Come on, dream buddy. Don't run away.

We got a lot of catchin' up to do!

Got any new nightmares for me? Something scary?

Hey, new in town, huh?

How 'bout a coma-tini?

There it is.

- -

Oh, by the way, my name is Bull.

Oh, hi. Hiya. How do you do?

Stu Miley, right?

I seen all your dreams.

- You're a big celebrity down here. - Down where?

DownTown! Land of nightmares.

It's time for Monkeybone live!

Ooh-ooh-ooh! Whoo!

Time for a little singing, a little dancing...

and, of course, some good-natured bashing of my very own creator,

Mr. Stu-pid Mopey!

- Hey, guy! -

Now, I know you're all in comas, but my first guest is gonna...

spike your charts!

- - Whoo-oo-oo!

Whoo!

- - Mmmm--

- - Hiya, boss.

- Kimmy? - Oh, Julie. Oh, my God, look at him.

Look at my poor little baby brother!

Oh, God, I can't stand to look at him. Oh, God. Wow.

How you doin', little one, hmm? You holdin' up?

I'm fine, Kimmy. Fine.

At least he had a chance to give you the ring.

- The ring? - Grandmother's engagement ring.

- The one he had me send so he-- - Good morning, Dr. McElroy.

Hello, Doctor. Kimmy, this is Dr. Edelstein.

- Vital signs have stabilized. Good. - Listen, Doctor,

these machines are actually what's keeping him alive right now, right?

- At the moment, yes. - Okay. Well, do you think...

- you could give me a realistic-- - Comas are unpredictable.

He could wake up today or tomorrow or--

Doctor, hey, sweetheart.

Our father took a long time to die,

so Stu and I made a pact...

that... when our time came...

we wouldn't let it drag out.

So...

- which one's the plug? - What plug?

The plug? The one you pull?

Oh, God, Kimmy. Don't even talk like that.

I need a realistic answer, Doctor! Give me a date!

All right. Three months.

There's always some brain damage, but after three months...

the chances of coming back shrink dramatically everyday.

Well, I want him to have every chance, Doctor.

We could... certainly give it...

Three months.

Oh, poor Buster! He hasn't eaten all day.

What's that?

Stu did this?

Yeah, right about the time we met, when he first came to the sleep lab.

Jesus, honey.

He hadn't had a good night's sleep in years.

The nightmares would wake him up, and he'd just start right in painting.