Mighty Magiswords

At the Super Secret Thief Lodge!

No one will ever know!

Man, the signal in here is really subpar, you know?

My fellow thieves, I, Phil, possess the Sharing Hammer

and, therefore, commence this Thievesheria Guild meeting.

Who wants to hear about my latest adventure?

I promise lots of violence and romantic tension.

Hey, I had the Sharing Hammer! Phil stole it!

That suspiciously looks like

my mother-in-law's eating pendant.

She wears it when she eats.

Naso worked really hard to nab that hat from a do-gooding plumber,

and now that hat has nabbed by Phil?!

What happened to my turkey leg?

Uh, can you call me on my phone?

I'm afraid dropping it in the toilet before this meeting might have ruined it.

Now, let us restore order in this...

Wow! Who re-stole the hammer?!

T'was I, Phil.

And it's my turn for sharesies.

Grand Poobah?!

Poobah.

I'm choosing to ignore Phil's interruption

in favor of covering the topic at hand...

The annual Thief of the Year contest!

Because nothing says camaraderie

like bitterly comparing yourself to your peers.

We're at about the half-year mark and...

Wait. I'm in 40th place?

Order! Order!

Phil, you haven't stolen anything truly noteworthy

and kept it all year.

You've still got plenty of time to rise up the ranks.

But my Jemms, and other people's Jemms,

are on you not doing so.

Phil won't move up just a few lousy slots.

Phil vows to move up to the top of that list!

- Ha! - Ha-Ha!

That is my thing. Do not do my thing.

You'd probably need to loot all of Lyvsheria

to even make a dent in the ranks!

Yeah, maybe somethin' super impressive,

like that ol' Sheepy Mantis idol in the Sheepy Jungle.

Like that what, yes? Don't be silly!

That thing's guarded by a massive legendary beast,

and we all know that Phil is too small to stand a chance.

Ha-Ha! Challenge accepted.

I do love to push myself to the limits.

The only thief with the right equipment is Naso.

I got the boots. I got the map. I got the... Eh?

Why, I oughta with several things

right in'a Phillio's fat booty!

Wow! That took moxie!

Maybe I will move Phil above that dog

that took my sandwich last week.

Let us take a look at this old mappity-type-map.

Neat!

This will be the perfecto way for Phil to rise up the chart.

However, I may need more substantial tools

to get through it.

Think, Phil, think! Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Phil has a plan of best!

Your method of sorting is absolute hogwash.

And your method of sorting is boring and sterile.

I think we should sort our swords

by how often we use them so we're always prepared.

Well, I think we should sort them by how awesome they look

so we can always make a good first impression.

I can't believe you would say all of those words at my face! I am not going to argue with you with any real content!

Ooh, I know!

What if we sorted them by how cool they are and by how lame they are?

Oh, yeah, I can pretty much get behind that. Oh, yeah, sounds entirely reasonable to me.

Helping!

Cool! Lame.

Cool! Super lame.

Clapping is cool.

Not even in jest.

Okay, fine. Lame.

And finally, the cooliest of cool Magiswords,

Dolphin Magisword!

Oh! Oof.

Grup, do be careful with that Homing Device Magisword.

It only has a single tracking beetle loaded into it,

and we must use it wisely.

Gah! It's on my baby girl!

You know, that may be for the best.

After all, you never know what sort of mishaps could occur.

Oh, okay. Keepin' our Dolphin safe.

I can dig it.

All this Magi-sorting has left me fatigued.

Grup dear, be sure to put that Homing Device Magisword

back into the Cool bag when you're done staring at it.

I can be done.

Eh?

Disappoint.

What is this, a thermometer Magisword?

Phil's immune system is tuned to perfection. Bye-bye.

Dirt. It is dirt.

Time is not Phil's mongoose.

Now this is what Phil is chatting about!

Hello?

Hello?

Seasonal gift-giving cat, Sanda Paws!

You're early by roughly half a year.

Oh! Stealth escape!

So, I'll just look for those gifts. Ohh.

Grup, what's with all the hubba-baloo down here?

Sanda Paws is here to bring me presents!

Prohyas, the door is on fire and also no longer a door.

I can put it out with Dolphin Magisword!

What?! Where's the dang ol' Cool sack?!

Currently there's a fire. Right!

Cheese Magisword!

This should "brie" enough to do the job.

Currently a fire! Yes, on it.

Havarti Hydrant!

Huh, sudden grilled cheese craving.

Is that weird? It's probably weird.

Prohyas, where have all of our cool Magiswords gone?

Didn't you say something about an intruder, Grup?

Sanda Paw does not intrude.

He blesses the children with cat toys every winter.

Pishtosh. It's roughly half a year too early.

Hey, Vambre, look at that. Footy little sootprints.

A missing sack of Magiswords.

Phil the Pilferer!

Oh, hey! Sanda Paws left something after all.

Hey, isn't that the Homing Device Magisword?

And it's blinking. The signal's getting weaker, Vambre.

My baby's getting far away, Vambre!

Let's go find her, Vambre!

Soon, in the Sheepy Jungle, Vambre!

Ha! Ha-ha!

Magiswording is so easypants.

I cannot believe anyone would pay those Warriors to use them.

Aye! Oof. Who dares tackle Phil?!

Ah, but how could she resist?

Hey, my Magiswords! Stolen! The nerve.

Phil has had enough of this!

Return Phil's things to Phil for they are Phil's!

Ooh!

Oof once more.

You have added me to a pile of treasures?

Phil is honored!

I shall abscond with all of this immediately.

Hooray!

Impending monkeys!

Nail Clipper Magisword is a slow solution.

Why are monkeys throwing us?

Yeah. Why are monkeys throwing us?

A mystery of the universe we can contemplate later.

There's got to be something in the Lame bag that can help us!

Electric Razor Magisword!

Aah!

Monobrow Magisword!