Monument Ave.

Funny. Very fuckin' funny. That's nice, bob.

Hey, mouse, It's not the car you steal, It's the car you bring in.

That's right. Speakin' of which, That car there ?

Alarm on, club-- you name it. The guy wanted to make it look Real in case you got caught.

That's what burn jobs Are all about. That's why they pay more.

Jackie told me to take out 1,200 'cause you bet The patriots last week.

You bet The patriots ? It was plus 12.

You're gonna Have to do burn jobs Makin' bets like that.

You been goin' Fuckin' nuts lately. What do you mean ?

The crazy bets You're makin'. Stop takin' 'em.

I'm a bookie, Not a social worker. Put it back, mouse.

I can't figure you out, Bobby.

You're the only one who'll Work the neighborhood stealin' Yuppie cars for 500 bucks a pop.

Yeah, least it's safe. Jackie's got a sweet Dealership job up in saugus.

- no. I'd rather watch His sister get her ass waxed. - she's lost a lot of weight.

One car, 20 grand, fellas. Holy shit.

Forget it. It's fuckin' Suburbs. Cops up there Are worse than this.

They see a mosquito From out of town, They pull him over.

All right. You know What jackie's gonna say. Fuck jackie.

He's not the one Behind the wheel. Don't be fuckin' with my tools.

All right, Here's your cabbage.

You get a gun for Your cousin seamus yet ? No.

I got a beautiful .45. Nah. What's the line On the celts ?

Celts layin' at five. Yeah ? Gimme a "g" On the celts.

Why don't you buy the gun And blow your head off ? It's less painful.

How's the diet goin' ? Pretty good. I lost 20 pounds this week.

Probably just water weight. I don't give a fuck if it's Hair loss ! It's gone !

Fresh prick.

That's nice and hot.

Go.

Hey, shit. You know what, gimme 50 on mickey pat. Come on. Nah, you're out.

- let me in, huh ? - it's my fuckin' money.

All right. Let's go, mick. Come on. Mickey !

Fitz, you're a fuckin' pussy. You're goin' down, fitzie.

Come on, mickey. You can do it. Fitzie, you suck.

- come on, mick. You're goin' down, fitzie. - fuck !

- yeah ! -

- how's that For a quick 50 ? - guys, how you doin' ?

All right. Yeah. Enjoyin' your Stay here ?

Your cousin showin' you around ? Gettin' ya laid ? That reminds me--

- finney said he saw Teddy timmons the other night. - finney's a fucking glue head.

How could he ? Teddy's got Three years left.

Maybe he got off For good behavior. He ain't a rat.

- i ain't sayin' he's a rat. Where you guys goin' ? - we gotta get goin'.

Where's the party ? Give me a drink Of that beer, will ya ?

There ya go. Oh, you guys are real nice. Where you guys goin' ?

See ya later. Bye-bye. Thanks a lot.

Call finney and ask him. Yeah.

Hey, bros, How about one on the arm For old time's sake ?

How about one up the ass For old time's sake ?

Hey, who are Those two magician guys With the white tigers ?

Sigfreid and roy. They're pretty funny.

Fags. Are they ? Yeah.

What did you think ? They're married to Each other, right ?

No, wait, the other guy's Married to the tiger.

Roy. Brave man To fuck a tiger. Got a light ?

Yeah.

Come on. Come on, come on.

Uuh ! Fuck.

Come on, come on !

Come on !

Keep lookin'. Go ! Yeah.

Run, run, run, run ! Rise and shine, Motherfuckers.

That was A fucked-up ball-buster, huh ?

I thought you were gonna put Your foot through that last one.

Some ass left the lights On again. Holy shit.

Fuckin' "a." Look at this. Hey, hey, hey.

Ah, fuckin' digger.

Hey, dig. Hey, glad i caught ya. Seamus, what's up ?

- how you doin' ? - what's happening ?

- hey, digger. What the fuck's up ? - ahh !

Yeah ?

- hey, i got this great book For you. He likes to read. - yeah.

Yeah. Great. What's it called ?

I forgot the title. The cover's gone.

Unbelievable.

Are they holdin' ? Huh ?

- are they holdin' ? - huh ?

Are we holdin' ? Nah. No.

Nope. Gotta be up in the mornin'. How about you ? You holdin' ?

Yeah, i'm holdin'. I'm holdin' this. You're holdin' your dick !

Hey, dig. Nothin'. Yeah, what ?

Okay, bye. Good night. Yeah, good night.

Good seein' you. All right, seamus. Hey, mouse.

Yeah ? Is shang Still at brosni's ?

Yeah. All right, I'll catch ya's later.

Much later.

I like digger.

- be nice. Be nice. - move, move, move.

Seamus, back in dublin, What kind of penitence You get for jerkin' off ?

I don't know. I never confessed to it. You confessed to jerkin' off ?

Just once, to motherfuckin' Moorland. I had to clean every Toilet in the rectory though.

Hey, that ain't No fuckin' eight ball.

Fuckin' jackie, man.

It's fine. Do you want to Stay up the rest of the month ? Yeah.

[ baseball bat cracking, Crowd cheering, Indistinct announcer ]

In what country would we find--

Winona ryder's A cracker. I love her.

Do you like her ? I love her.

Yeah, she's a cracker. A cracker. Great tits.

She's fuckin' beautiful. Pfeiffer's a given. Michelle pfeiffer.

Without a shadow Of a fuckin' doubt. Michelle pfeiffer.

Jamie leigh curtis. Huh ? Come on. Yeah.

Remember heart ? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The rock chicks ? Yeah.

Oh, jessica lange ? She's a given. She's fuckin' beautiful.

Soccer never has fights. Soccer's about skill. It's about finesse.

Do you know what is A boring game ? Baseball. What's a boring game ?

Ah, jesus ! Baseball is boring ?

No, it is ! What's that game ?

If you go to the bar, don't talk About this fuckin' shit, okay ? What's that game ? Cricket.

Cricket's An english game. Huge fags. Huge fags.

Jesus christ !

Shh, shh, shh.

What the fuck is that ?

I don't know.

Shh !

The tree hater ! Yeah, yeah.

The fuck is that ? Shh, shh ! I don't know what it is.

Shh, shh. Stop tappin'. I'm stoppin'.

That's all. Gone, i think. Fuck that.

Fuckin' weird, huh ?

Winona ryder, she's in. Okay.

Kim basinger. Kim basinger is in.

Mm-hmm. Michelle pfeiffer Is definitely in.

Michelle pfeiffer is definitely In. Jamie leigh curtis is in. Yeah, yeah.

Her mom to get to her. Uhh-- jessica lange is in. Jessica lange is in.

Madonna is in. Nah, i didn't Say that.

Madonna's What ? Big-time in. I don't like her.

Can i just say one thing ? Simple minds. What ? Fucking great !

Fags. Fucking great !

They're not faggots, They're great. I don't Mean fags, like they're fags.

I mean, like they're faggy. The breakfast club. Yeah, i know what you mean.

The breakfast club--> there was Loads of great movies then. Like what ?

Oh, yeah. Are you nuts ?

Ferris bueller's Day off. Risky business.

Risky business Is a good movie. St. Elmo's fire.

St. Elmo's fire> ? Are you fuckin' retarded ? Another fuckin' classic !

No, i just thought It was a good movie. St. Elmo's fire> ?

With fucking what's-his-name ? Rob lowe ? What a great actor.

Remember that time rob lowe did Somethin' and walked over there With a dimple in his chin ?

Ya fuckin' idiot. Jesus christ.

I love tits. Me too. Fuckin' love 'em.

You know what i love ? You know what i love ? Tits.

What ? Tits. Yeah.

They're fuckin' great. Yeah. You like big tits ?

I like all tits. Small tits, Big tits, i love them all. Small tits ?

Hard tits ? I don't like 'em so hard. I like 'em like--

I like real tits. I like real tits. I don't like the fake tits.

Have you ever felt Fake tits ? I hate fake tits.

Feel that. That's what they feel like.

That's nice And hard. Can i have a go ?

Why hard ti-- Tits are supposed to be soft.

What're you doin' ? I'm cuttin' lines. What do you mean--

You got a fuckin' mess. You got coke everywhere All over the fuckin' mirror.

What ? You gotta keep it In the center.

You can't have it out here. Bits here, bits here. Here, look.

Okay. You know what, hitler ? Take the fuckin' mirror. Fuckin' asshole.

You know what-- Fuck this. Fuck no.

It's a ridiculous list. All the People we're talkin' about... Why ?

Would never fuck us In a fuckin'-- the last day On the face of the earth.

If there was A fuckin' earthquake, There's no guys left...

And you had the last cock on Earth, they wouldn't fuck us. You never know.

Believe me, we know. Look in The mirror. We fuckin' know. Yeah, we know.

Go back. Go back to what ?

One at a time ! Hang on.

Jesus, right there. Michelle pfeiffer's Left tit.

Huh ? Huh ? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, look at that. You can see the left one. Yeah.

Fuckin' gorgeous. Look at that nipple.

Get the demi moore tape.

Shh !

Country. It's a fuckin' country. City. City.

It's a fuckin' country. It's a fuckin' city.

It's not a fuckin' city, It's a fuckin' country. Really ?

Yeah. Okay, fuck it.

Amsterdam-- Okay, okay, okay.

Amsterdam is over here, but Holland is over fuckin' here. Okay.

There not even Near each other. No. If holland's over here--

You know where amsterdam is ? Right in the middle of fuckin' Holland, 'cause it's a city.

Yeah ? Then what's this Fuckin' netherlands bullshit ? What's that all about ?

The netherlands is Another name for holland. What do you mean ?

Uh, it's like Callin' america The united states.

No, no. What's that ?

That's my beer. Oh.

Maybe we should get Another eight ball. Huh ?

Should get Another eight ball. Think ?

Mm.

Yeah. Nah, man. It's late. Let's go to fuckin' bed.

I don't mind. I-- we'll call shang And i'll--

She'll still be up. Yeah ?

We'll call shang, We'll go around.

I'll get the money and-- We'll get another eight ball.

Gram. Gram. Gram. Yeah, that's better. Yeah, it makes more sense.

You two guys, Right ? Yeah.

You two guys have been so great To me since i come over. Yeah.

I just wanted to kind of Let you know that, like, I appreciate it so much.

And i-- you know-- That's great. Yeah.

Thanks. You know, Thanks a lot. That's great.

I really, you know-- I-- i-- you know, Really like you.

It's good to have you. It's great that you're My cousin, and you're great.