Al Pereira vs. the Alligator Ladies

Babies, hold on.

They're shooting at us.

I can't take them all!

I can't take them all!

Babies,

I didn't make it.

Sweetie.

My name is al pereira. I'm the sharpest private detective,

or as they say in the movies: "Private eye".

Highly private.

The son of a bitch is pretty funny.

I've seen this show a million times. You make me sick.

See you, bastard!

You're hot, naughty girl.

I was missing out on the party.

Very good.

Now you're doing it a lot better.

Hello. - What brings you here?

I'm just visiting.

The youth these days!

Look at him, he's a sugar daddy.

A sugar daddy is someone who pays all the bills.

Yes, but you never pay anything.

Let's be serious for a moment.

Why?

Because I say so.

Son of a bitch, you're gonna pay for it.

And then you hit it!

You gotta give it a slap. - Me?

Let's start at: "Son of a bitch."

Do I really slap the camera? Yes, whack it.

Really? - Yes.

Well, don't break it

but don't let it catch you by surprise.

Action!

Son of a bitch, you're gonna pay for it.

Irene, turn your back to the camera and stand very close to the mirror.

More to the right.

Over there.

When you're over there

you start moving to the rhythm of "blues in the night".

And then you slowly

lift

your dress.

Slowly, very slowly.

Slowly.

Carry on.

Carry on for a little while.

Move your ass slowly and rhythmically

while you're provoking him. Imagine he's the camera.

That's it, very nice.

Action!

Cut!

Shame on them!

Shame on them, with their tits and asses.

They're trying to lead us on the path of doom.

And they succeed, and how they succeed.

But all of this will end.

It will end.

It's too bad because those asses are really nice.

But it will all end.

Shame on me.

Life has forced al pereira to become

a sacristan.

May god confound them.

You are excommunicated, the three of you.

Politicians aren't what they used to be.

They are the ones who steal from us, but then...

When you hear about some stories! Like in berlusconi's case...

Well...

That's what has destroyed the Christian morality.

Enough, you shameless women. Get out! The three of you!

Get lost, the three of you. Shame on you.

Al pereira, you're a fag. - Fag.

Ask your mother who the fag is. Fag, fag.

The Dean of canterbury is my first cousin

and I will have the three of you excommunicated.

Fag. Queer. - Bye.

Being al pereira

means having to fulfill extremely unfair obligations.

But I will remain firm in my undying fate as an enforcer

despite all of the whores in the world that come here.

Let's get'em.

Don't move, you son of a bitch! Put it down.

I was expecting you at five.

Al, I miss your eyes, your hands... I miss fucking you!

Me too, baby.

When will this nightmare be over? When the producers decide.

When does your contract go until? I didn't sign anything.

Really? Of course not. I'm al pereira...

This is very old, it doesn't work.

It can fire in one direction or another and never hit you.

You can't kill me with this.

It's the only one I have. - So?

Get lost.

Come on.

Come on.

You're disappointing me, but you have a great ass.

Hi. - What's wrong?

I couldn't kill al pereira.

Why not? You only had to shoot him twice.

Yes, but he's so handsome. Come on.

And the gun was old. See, I told you.

Well, don't worry. We'll try again.

Really? Ok.

What would we become without the union's support?

Shameless fools.

You're evil and stupid.

I will punish you.

No dessert for one month!

You're despicable.

Shame on you. Shame on you!

Filthy women.

Fucking filthy women.

Whip them 25 times. Indecent daughters of Satan.

I will punish you very hard.

You have to become the way he is,

your father, the honorable fu manchu.

Bigger, more evil, tougher.

You have to become

very evil assassins.

You have to kill

or be killed.

Whores!

I'm going to kill those damn unionists.

Do you remember on the waterfront?

Not really, I saw it when I was a little girl.

There was a unionist who fucked it all up.

All of it? - Yes.

Not me.

You're really someone, don't you?

Where are you taking me? To the bedroom.

Hello.

Are you related to James Bond?

Almost related.

Actually, he's almost related to me.

Yes, right.

Tell us another.

They are like little girls:

Stupid and ridiculous

but cute.

I think he's getting quite horny.

Yes.

Hello, al.

Come here.

Come here. - Come here.

How boring.

Hello.

Come on.

Antonio, bend down. - Down?

While we're rehearsing I'll say: "Antonio!"

Don't look at me and ask: "What do I do now?"

As if this was your first movie. It's not a rehearsal.

We are supposed to be shooting.

And then you say: "Bend down now."

And I ask: "Should I bend down like this or sideways?"

Let's turn off the light and see.

No, you tell me.

You gotta tell me what I'm gonna do in the next scene.

Say: "And then bend down here."

Just say whatever I'll have to do

and I'll do it.

Alright? - Alright.

It's your call. - I told you.

Something was missing. I had to tell him: "He's stiff as a corpse."

Yes. And he shoots us and we die.

I did that randomly.

Yes, but it was fine.

Yes, but... well. Whatever he says.

Fine, let's go with that. Fine.

Look.

Keep on rolling.

He's stiff as a corpse.

The whims of life:

In two seconds, two bullets kill two whores.

Might god welcome them in his bosom.

Coming up soon: The latest adventures of...

Al pereira!

Cool fact: One son of a bitch less.

Your husband is a bastard. Your husband is a bastard.

Now stand over there, Irene. Over there.

But while moving your body.

Al pereira is mine. Al pereira is mine.

I've never had it like this.

Such a hard dick. Such a hard dick.

And the eastern wind.

And the eastern wind.

And...

I let one off. - / let one off.

Softly. - Softly.

Turn around.

I am al pereira.

Hello.

Pereira, you're a fag.

Feels good!

Learn from us! - Look.

Antonio!

I'm smoking while I'm waiting to fuck a gunman.

How fucked up!

Why am I thinking about a bastard like al pereira?