Man Up!

I think it's a tie.

You're kidding me. My kick is so much higher than his.

I knew we should have gotten a real judge for this.

So... Nathan was bullied at school yesterday.

We should do something.

That's what I thought, too,

But then theresa and I talked about it,

And she helped me realize that

My thoughts, feelings, and opinions were... Wrong.

That is a lesson you keep learning, my friend.

We told nathan the best way to deal with the bully

Is to ignore him.

The high road is the guy road.

We also tried to come up with a rhyme to make it sound cool.

You did not succeed.

When I was bullied in school, my dad made me confront the guy,

And then the guy beat me up again for confronting him,

And so my dad made me confront him again,

And then the guy beat me up again,

And then my dad threw an empty beer can at me

For using the phrase "vicious cycle."

classic. My old man also believed in confrontation,

But theresa helped me realize that "it's a different age.

No need for rage."

I hate your rhymes a whole damn bunch,

So craig and I... Are off to lunch.

So...

I hear you got picked on by some ne'er-do-well at school.

What'd he do, laugh at your funny glasses?

Your goofy haircut? Your height? The way you talk?

Kenny. Sorry.

It was your ears, wasn't it?

No. He said that I looked like the iguana in our biology cls.

Then he pushed me down.

What?

Unbelievable.

You have an iguana in your biology class?

yeah.

Anyway, so after he pushed me down,

He threw my backpack in the trash can.

Cold-blooded. Big-time.

I'm saying reptiles are cold-blooded.

Have you touched this thing?

I picture it slippery but not slimy.

Forget the iguana. Who is this kid?

Doesn't matter who the kid is. Situation's been defused.

Kid? Are we trashing a kid? 'cause I want in.

There is no kid.

I heard you talking about a kid when we walked in.

I have acute senses.

And also, craig switched shampoos.

Man, I hate bullies.

They're mean, insensitive, and aggressive.

Now who's the punk

That said my nephew walks like a duck?!

All right, kids, mommy's about to freak out the adults.

Go wait outside for aunt brenda to take you to school.

Look, the name of the kid is not important,

But the mother is incredibly important.

She is a very influential member of the school board,

And I need her on my side

Because I am lobbying them this week to save the science club.

What?! Science club's in trouble?!

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to freak out about this.

I'm just not feeling it. Wait a minute.

You're not sucking up to sharon easterling, are you?

I wouldn't say "sucking up."

I'm merely showering her with unnecessary compliments

And gift cards to achieve my goals.

Ohh, perfect.

Sucking up, just like high school.

That's not true. Sharon and I were friends.

Yeah? Well, your friend spread the rumor

That I made out with the school janitor,

And you never stood up for me.

Well, the two of you did have cold sores at the same time.

It was a coincidence.

We just both made out with that french exchange student pierre.

So people think you slept

With some super old, bisexual custodian.

Let it go.

I should let it go? Do you know

Who sharon easterling is married to?

And this is where the adults freak out.

Dennis mayder.

mayder!

Oh! The bully's dad is dennis mayder?!

Dennis mayder?

So that's why you didn't want to tell me who the dad was.

May I be honest with you all?

There are times whenour shared history

Makes me feel like an outsider.

Dennis mayder was the biggest jerk in junior high.

Thank you. I feel better already.

Dennis was always saying stuff that got in your head,

Like--like I had lady hips

And that's why I couldn't run fast.

I know. It's insane.

Classic mayder.

So the bully had a little bully.

I'm gonna talk to dennis. It's time to break this cycle.

Yeah, we should do something-- somethin' stupid.

Listen to me.

Nathan and the mayder kid had a little incident,

And now it is over, and I need sharon on my side

Because nathan loves that science club.

So nobody is doing anything.

Fine. That guy gets to me.

You know, he once said that my head was, like, 98% face.

I know.

It's insane.

Target acquired.

I'm gonna go scare the hell out of that kid.

I'm gonna go touch that iguana.

hey!

You d.J. Mayder? The kid that bullied nathan keen?

- Yeah. - He's my nephew.

Oh, I see where he gets his giant ears from.

You better wch your mouth, punk.

Or what?

Or maybe I watch itfor you.

You wanna stare at my mouth? What kind of a person are you?

What? No! You know what I mean.

What, that you're gonna hit me?

Uh, maybe!

I'm a kid.

You touch me, you go right to jail.

Come on. Do somethin'.

Do somethin'!

I'm gonna touch you.

I'm sorry. Can I help you?

- Oh, no, I just came to, uh-- - oh, you must be brandon's dad.

I'm sorry. Did you not get my message?

I had to cancel our meeting today. I have just been swamped.

- No, no. I just--I was-- - I'd love to find some time

When you and I can sit and talk about brandon.

He's been a little quiet in class lately,

Probably because of... Your divorce.

look, I gotta be honest with you,

This divorce has been hard on all of us.

I just met the cutest teacher,

And she and I are going to dinner together.

Also, I have a son named brandon and he's struggling.

You okay?

That mayder kid is so mean.

He said I love turds.

But you hate turds.

I know!

So that also makes him a liar!

Hey. Where's mom?

Oh, she's just inside,

Hanging fliers for that, uh, school board thing.

So tell me, how was it today? Did d.J. Pick on you?

No, it was fine.

He even apologized to me after class.

I think mom called his mom or something.

Okay. Well, see?

The high road is the guy--

what the hell?

Oh, I'm sorry. One of my balls hit your face.

You wanna have your wife call my wife to complain about it?

Dennis mayder.

Uh-huh, that's right.

And dennis mayder would appreciate

If in the future our kids have a problem,

You call me directly, deal with it like a man.

What's up, buddy? I got no beef with you, okay?

Here's a juice box.

This isn't juice.

This is juice drink. And we prefer nathan doesn't

Have these types of sugary beverages

Unless it's a special occasion.

good one, dad.

Hey, anybody ever tell you, you look like curious ge?

Oh! Really?

Well, did anybody ever tell you... That...

That the high road is the guy road?

Hey, d-man.

Ooh. Give a hug, lady bug.

Give a smooch, lady... Pooch.

Okay.

Guess who I ran into and invited over for dinner tomorrow

To talk about science club?

Remember how important that is to nathan,

Bee he loves science? And to me?

And you're going to do it?

Or maybe we decide to go in another direction?

And then we circle back and do exactly what you wanna do?

I'm in.

It's not that brandon's not a good boy.

Are you kidding me? He's the best, that kid.

Ohh! I love him.

I think he's just having a little trouble right now.

Yeah, we're all having a little trouble right now.

For him, it's focusing on his schoolwork.

For me, it's having no one there to bake bread for,

Look at a sunset with,

Lie next to by a craling fire.

Really? You bake your own bread?