Rules of Engagement

That's not what I said, Joe.

That's not what I said, Joe.

- Hey, Tanya. - You know what your problem is? You don't listen.

I talk but it's like I'm not even there. You know how that makes me feel?

Bad. Angry. Tanya!

Yeah, I gotta go.

Because some of us have to work for a living.

Am I the only one getting the irony around here?

My boyfriend and I are having some problems.

Well, clearly it's not affecting your work.

Oh, it is.

I just need you to confirm my lunch reservation for tomorrow at la Maison.

Lunch at la Maison.

I don't see it on the calendar.

Tanya, I asked you to do it last Thursday. Remember?

I told you it was for an important new client who specifically requested that restaurant.

Last Thursday. That was a bad day.

Can you just call now and try to get me a table?

On one day's notice? Good luck.

That place takes forever to get a reservation.

I know! That's why I asked you to do it last Thursday.

Okay, cool your jets. I'll call.

Oh.

What do you want now, Joe?

- Hold on. Mind if I take a break. - From what?

Yeah, I can talk.

Now, don't say that about her, Joe.

- Hey, what are you doing here? - I called. Didn't Tanya give you the message?

Oh, I'm not sure. Was the message that's not what I said, Joe.

Anyway, I had a meeting in the neighborhood. I thought I'd take you to dinner.

You know, every once in a while I remembered why I married you.

But tomorrow night,

I don't want you anywhere near the apartment.

Then I forget again.

Why am I barred from my own home?

Uh, it's the playoffs. Giants- cowboys, same as last year.

You worked late that night. I bought a meatball sub at the deli down the block.

Watched the game, Giants won. Gotta repeat the exact same strategy.

That's not a strategy, babe. That's just a crazy superstion.

Crazier than putting on your lucky thong before you weigh yourself?

I don't have a...

how did you know about...

What time is your game over?

Call me at 11:00. But if I don't pick up, give it another hour.

If I still don't pick up, get a hotel.

3x06 "Poaching Timmy"

Come on, it's fun.

No, I'm never gonna do that, so stop asking me.

Booze plus time.

She'll do it.

- You don't even know what they're talking about. - It's just good general advice.

My parents got us a tent, but Jen refuses to go camping.

It was a big part of my childhood, and I want to share it with her.

Camping seems like a waste of booze and time.

No, it's... it's really romantic.

Look, I don't want to be any place where I'm gonna hear someone say,

"just go behind a tree and use a leaf."

You can totally use toilet paper. You just have to bury it when you're done.

If that doesn't get you in the mood.

I'm sorry, honey. It's just not my thing.

Is this about your crazy fear of bears?

Yes, it's insane to be afraid of a ten-foot tower of teeth and claws.

Oh, that reminds me. Your mother called.

9:30... meet with board of directors,

1:00... lunch with CEO,

and 3:15... foot massage with Nadia.

Okay, now Nadia understands that by foot massage we really mean...

Yes, it was explained.

Hey, hey, look who's here. It's uncool and the gang.

Good one, sir. Good one.

Yeah, it hurts to get insulted by Ebony and STD.

Snappy riposte, sir.

Now moving on. Brenda called again. Would you like to return?

Uh, yeah, back to the time before I met that whack job. What else?

You dinner at la Maison tonight has been confirmed as well.

You got him into la Maison?

I can't believe it.

Why, is there a height requirement?

Yeah, you gotta be under eight feet.

Tanya, it's Audrey.

Keep trying to get me into la Maison.

And by the way, I'm still waiting for directions to the photo shoot at Beekman studios in Brooklyn.

I need them asap.

I heard la Maison is fantastic but impossible to get a reservation.

You know what's fantastic that you don't need a reservation for?

Camping.

It's amazing people aren't lining up

to get zipped into a canvas bag and peed on by raccoons.

Oh, hey, look at that. Tanya just sent me directions to the shoot.

Actually, Mrs. Bingham, that was me.

You?

Yes, I mapquested the studio and forwarded the information on to you.

- Timmy, that's so nice. Thank you. - My absolute pleasure.

Oh, Russell is a lucky guy. How long have you been with him?

It'll be two months tomorrow.

I remember because he just received his bi-monthly issue of rumpmagazine.

Well, if you ever want to sort mail that doesn't come in a plain brown wrapper, give me a call.

I may just take you up on that offer.

Really? Well, you know where to find me.

I surely do.

God, you two. Get an office.

You are asking a lot of that drawstring.

I gotta wear the same thing I wore last year. These are my giants sweats,

which you obviously shrunk.

No, that is your giant ass

which you obviously grew.

Come on, you don't really believe this stuff has anything to do with them actually winning, do you?

Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. I'm not risking the big game to find out.

Is that new right there?

Yeah, I just bought it yesterday.

Okay, if it wasn't here last year, then it's not invited.

- Jeff... - Audrey, I don't make the rules.

Plant out, bobblehead...

In.

Oh, my God. Timmy got me lunch reservations at la Maison.

He is amazing.

- What are you doing? - Texting him back.

"If you ever get tired of Russell, call me."

"Well, I just might."

"Well, you know where to find me."

I didn't do that.

You're playing with fire. Timmy's with Russell,

so don't be getting all gooey about him.

That's ridiculous. I'm not getting gooey.

Oh, Timmy! He got me a table by the window.

And he sent one of those smiley faces that, you know, wink.

You better watch it. There's certain lines we don't cross.

You're an adult, so act like one.

Good morning, Mr. Dunbar. I set up a 10:30 conference call...

Nah, cancel. What else?

A noon stockholders meeting...

Uh, pass.

- What else? - Sir, Brenda called again.

Ugh, didn't you tell her how busy I am?

All right, I think it's time for the old habitat for humanity story.

What countries have I already helped?

Well, you have rebuilt most of south America

and for some reason you visited Namibia three times.

Yeah, Brad and Anjelina made that place cool.

But once Shiloh came along, we were over that mud hole.

Sir, just offering a thought.

Wouldn't it be better to tell Brenda the truth.

Oh, sweet Timmy.

I'm gonna give you a scenario. What if I'm drunk one night and it's late,

I don't feel like trying.

I call Brenda.

Hey, I just got back from impoverished,

war-torn...

Sierra Leone.

No, a country.

Um, also I know it's taken a while,

but I have finally finished the Waterman report.

Oh, I cancelled that, like, a week ago.

You never told me that, sir.

I worked three weekends in a row because I thought you need it today.

Well, maybe that's why you forgot I scratched it, because you're exhausted.

I didn't forget. You forgot to tell me!

Well, listen, we can spend all day arguing over

who worked on it a month and who cancelled it,

but I guess we'll never know.

What bridge, Joe?

What bridge, Joe?