Men at Work

Lisa, baby, calm down. You're being hysterical.

I just... what are you trying to say?

I don't love you anymore,

and I don't want to be in this relationship with you.

Nope, still not getting it.

All right. All right.

Who's the guy?

There is no other guy.

Come on. What's his name?

Paul.

Unbelievable! What?! What?

Yep. No way. Who the hell is Paul?

What do I care?

Who the is Paul?!

You just asked his name.

I was joking.

You're actually seeing somebody else?

I'm sorry, milo. It's... it's not you...

yeah, because it's Paul.

I really do hope we can still be friends.

Aah! Stop it!

"Friends" my ass.

I know. What'd you say?

What the hell do you think I said?

No, we can't be friends. You want to know why?

'Cause my friends don't screw Pauls.

Now kick rocks, you filthy beat rag!

Hmm.

Come on. What'd you say?

I want to be more than friends.

No, Lisa, don't go, please.

Give... give me my bag back. You... you can't leave.

I love you. I mean, this is what... ridiculous...

Was that my car?

Or was it my heart?

It was her car.

Well, good riddance, huh? Hear, hear, man.

You seem to be taking this pretty well.

Well, you know, in the long run, this is for the best.

We both knew this day was coming, so why fight it?

And I'm a little high.

Thank you, by the way.

I got it... tonight, we go out

and take your new, single penis for a test drive.

Trust me. You need this.

You can't dwell on this breakup forever.

It's been like an hour.

And yet we're still talking about it.

Fact...

the worst time for someone going through a breakup

is between 5:00 P.M. and 3:00 A.M. amen.

That's when the demons come, brother. Mm.

When you start calling and hanging up on her.

Or worse... you find yourself cyber-stalking,

checking to see if she's changed her Facebook status.

You need to go out and have some fun.

Yes. You need to have a meaningless sexual encounter

with a drunken stranger.

Le...

let's not pressure him if he's not feeling comfortable.

No, no. He had me at "meaningless."

Great, great. So now I'm the only one on lockdown.

Dude, you could always ask Amy

to take your junior balls out of her purse for one night.

You know, you guys are just jealous

that you don't have someone to go home to.

Look at that.

Rock bottom has a basement.

All right, I got to go prep.

I'm interviewing one of the guys from "Dusklight."

The vampire flick?

The warlock flick.

Hey, Ty, I got a photo shoot today.

Can I get that camera you borrowed?

Yeah, my cleaning lady's there today.

Just tell her I said it was cool.

Got it.

Milo...

I know it seems bad right now

and that you got, like, nothing to live for...

Milo, have you ever...

no, you're dealing with your own stuff.

You don't need me adding on my problems.

Oh, no. Neal, please, I could definitely use the distraction.

You're just the only one I can talk to about this stuff.

Amy is...

...looking for some dirty talk.

In bed?

Oh, no, no, no.

It's... it's for her parents' 40th-anniversary toast.

She wants everyone to gather around, and then she...

yes, in bed!

All right. Sorry. Relax. Geez.

She shifted into some whole new gear lately.

You know, we're having sex almost every night.

Last night, I pretended to be asleep

just so I wouldn't have to do it.

I'm not gay.

I'm not so sure.

Shut up.

So, what's wrong with a little dirty talk?

Look, we've been together for 2 1/2 years, you know?

We have got our set routine... start with some kissing,

some quick hand-play, a bit of tit time,

and, 6 1/2 minutes later, we are watching "the daily show."

Wow. Thank you for that window.

Look, you're a writer. Just... just tell me what to say.

Dirty talk is all about fantasy.

So try a little role play.

Lisa used to love when I would pretend to be

a guy named... Paul.

Well, hello.

I'm Tyler's friend.

Oh, Mr. Tyler friend?

Yes. Yes.

Mr. Tyler and me... good friends.

Stig pur.

I think I will "stig pur."

Uh, he said I could grab my camera.

Oh, uh, "click-click."

Right. Click-click.

Ah! There it is.

Yeah, I let him hold onto it for a...

okay. Okay.

So, um

Are you Dutch or netherland-ish?

Netherland-ese?

I'm... I'm... I-I'm Gibbs.

Me... Gibbs. You?

Mitt namn ar alva.

Alva.

Mm-hmm.

Well, alva be damned.

Mm-hmm.

Damien? I'm Tyler Mitchell.

Thanks for coming down.

Yeah, all right, mate. Let's just get it done.

I take it you're not a fan of interviews?

Well, it's just not why I do what I do.

Right.

So...

You know, I'm a vessel, mate.

And I think to have to explain how the vessel works

or what the vessel's favorite color is...

well, that just hinders the vessel's ability to create art.

I mean, come on.

Come on.

Your movie's about a lovesick time-traveling warlock...

In high school.

We're done, mate.

You're a pencil-pusher living for your job.

I'm sorry. Wait, come back.

Come on, I'm on a deadline.

At least tell me where you buy all your floppy hats.

H-have you talked to milo?

Uh, not since breakfast. Why?

Well, I called and I texted him. I haven't heard back.

Okay. I'll... I'll check with Gibbs,

see if he's heard from him.

But you got to get to him before 5:00 P.M., man,

or he's gonna turn into a brooding, poetry-writing zombie,

trying to come up with words that rhyme with "Lisa."

Nothing rhymes with Lisa.

Well, you better get going, then.

This is Neal.

Hi, honey.

Hey, sugar puddin'!

H-how ya doin'?

Lonely, but I think

a little visit from "Dr. Neal good" might help.

Baby.

Hey, how about you clock out early

for a little afternoon delight?

I do not know what has gotten into us, lately,

but I love it, you sexy beast.

No, yeah, me, too, you little... Monkey-shark.

How quickly can you get here?

Uh, no, baby, I can't just leave early.

Neal, my father's your boss.

I promise you won't get in trouble.

Oh, I know. I just... I got to check on milo first,

and then I promise, tonight, that we are gonna,

you know... Yeah...

Okay, fine.

I love you.

I'm gonna eat you up.

Um, not if I eat you first.

Milo! Hello?

Milo? Are you in there?

Milo?

You okay, pal?

Hey, buddy.

Whatcha doing?

Staring at my reflection in the faucet.

And what do you see?

That from this angle, I look a little like Mickey Rourke.

And now I've got that to think about.

All right. You know, that's enough.

It's time for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

What you and Lisa had was...