India Sweets and Spices

Hey, everyone.

I just want to make a quick toast

to thank you guys for coming

to our final social justice social.

I mean, you came to every car wash,

every canned food drive, bake sale,

- that Greenpeace kegger, what? - That was awesome!

And I've had a blast this year

raising our glasses and our consciousnesses together.

So, cheers!

They don't even care if I get straight a's.

They just care that I look good.

I mean, they're Texas ladies.

They've got the big nails, and the big boobs, and the big hair.

And when I go home, I've got to become one with them,

because the humidity.

No, listen.

Ruby hill is where brain cells go to die.

Aunties, all they do is sit around and gossip

about who's getting married, who's getting fat,

who's flunkin' out of med school.

Alia, you don't understand how big my hair gets in Texas.

Like...

I think I need bigger scissors.

Can somebody get me some bigger scissors?

Wow!

You are so talented.

You should give everybody haircuts.

Yes! Haircuts all around!

Yo.

Why aren't you answering my texts?

Uh, what time is it?

Dude, are you still in bed?

Shit! Shit, shit, shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

You better not miss your flight. I need you here, like, yesterday.

Oh, my god! You cut your hair.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god, I cut my hair.

It looks a little lopsided.

I think I did it myself.

Oh! Your mom is gonna love that.

She's already texted me, like, a thousand times.

Can I please just enjoy one last minute of freedom?

No, beta. It's time to get your ass home. Fly safe. Eat something.

Bring compression socks for the plane.

And, you know,

rahul's back in town.

Wear something pretty tonight, na?

Okay, aunty. Why don't you tell him to wear something pretty, hmm?

Bye!

Hey, Alia. Welcome home.

- You look good. - Thanks, dad.

So, I could still use some help at the clinic.

Dad, stop.

I took o-chem. I got straight a's.

I made the Dean's list.

I just want to relax.

Doesn't anyone relax over the summer anymore?

Okay, baba.

Glad you're home.

Saahil! Jiya! I'm home.

Woo-hoo.

You're back!

Are you posing?

Ah!

- Hmm! - Oh! Mom, bangles.

- Did you cut your hair? - Yes.

Well, it'll grow back.

I'm so happy you're home, Alia!

Everyone's so excited to see you tonight!

What? Everyone? What's happening tonight?

There's a party at neerja aunty's home tonight.

Didn't neha tell you?

I don't have to go to that, do I?

Honey, everyone's been asking to see you.

It'll be very rude not to go.

I'm taking you to the salon.

Those are veg only, na?

I missed you.

Oh, I missed you, too.

This is gorge, by the way!

Thanks! It's my mom.

She bought herself a new sari for tonight, too.

My mom bought herself a new sari for tonight.

Ugh. It's just such a waste.

Especially when there are so many ways to upcycle fabric.

Wow. You really went full Berkeley on me.

Peace and love, baby.

- You hiding out in here? - I wish.

Better get back in there before she freaks.

- Solidarity. - Solidarity.

- You ready? - Ready.

Ugh, wow. Someone drowned in drakkar noir tonight.

Tonight and every night.

Oh, goody. Reema and roma are here.

- Hi! - Hey, girl!

So good to see you!

- How's school? - School is amazing.

Loving it!

So I put a stent in there,

it took less than an hour,

and he was back to running marathons, you know?

Business as usual.

There she is. The queen of Ruby hill.

Ew, look at my idiot little brother.

Jerkoff. Why doesn't he get stuck serving everyone samosas?

Hey, you. You do this.

Samosas?

Terrible score on his mcat.

Stealing money outright.

That is how he bought his yacht!

- Hmm. - Samosa? Hi.

That's what I heard.

The way he's holding his drink.

Ah!

Rahul, you're here!

Why are we here?

Ease your pain.

Man!

Ah!

You know, at least our generation

allows men and women to get equally shit-faced.

That's progress.

Ugh. It took my mom an hour and a half to get ready.

Well, she looks hot as shit.

Gross.

New sari. Again.

Quick, here they come.

So, you two!

When should we start our wedding shopping, eh?

Only teasing!

That's so annoying.

What do they get out of all this gossip, anyway?

Power. Words are powerful.

Also, they're assholes.

They're not wrong, though.

I know you didn't find even one guy at ucla

who's as good as me.

No. No, I found, like, 20.

Twenty! Did you even have time to study?

Eh, in between.

How's Jessica?

Wait, no. Um, what was her name? What was the last girl's name again?

Meghan. We only hung out a few times.

That was enough, let me tell you.

Duke girls are weird.

Good to be home.

Okay, I'm off to the driving range.

Ranjit, we're out of biscuits again.

I asked you to bring more last weekend, didn't I?

Do you want us to get embarrassed like the bhatias,

running out of them in front of everyone?

Oh, bab so some people didn't have biscuits. Who cares?

Indians eat way too much sugar as it is.

That's not the point, ranjit. Just get them for the party, na?

Okay, I'll pick some up,

and then all our troubles will be over. No?

Hey, Alia, your mom needs you to go to the Indian store

to buy some biscuits for the party.

What? Why can't you go?

I'm golfing, see?

I'm relaxing, see?

Cannonball!

Whoa.

- Shit. - Excuse me?

Hello, there. Can we help you find something?

I'm looking for some biscuits... For my mom.

Mom, uh, where are the biscuits?

You're restocking them, varun.

Right. Um...

Yeah. Here you go.

Thanks.

So, do you work here? Often?

Yeah. I'm just helping my parents out until school starts.

Where do you go to school?

I was at east river community college. But I'm transferring to ucla for fall.

No way!

That's crazy. I go to ucla.

No way! What's your major?

Oh, bio. Typical, you know.

What about you? Doctor, lawyer, engineer?

No, actually, I'm thinking history or poli sci.

I like current events and past events. I like reading a lot.

But I... I do other stuff, too. Like, I go to the gym.

Yeah. Uh, it's good to have hobbies.

All set.

So, are you guys the new owners? What happened to the guptas?

The guptas, they retired back to India.

We owned a store in east river as well, but we like this area better.

Yeah, Ruby hill's pretty nice.

Oh, we're actually just over the hill in Miller park.

Oh.

My, this is a lot of biscuits.

Yeah, we're throwing this dinner thing next Saturday,

and we just simply can't run out of biscuits.

My mom would be mortified.

Oh, I see.

You guys should come!

You're new in town. You can meet everyone,