Bad Hair

You're tuned to Bludso on the radio.

Stage one of my dramatic transformation is almost complete.

Oh, my God. You're such a child.

Well, I'm an actual child, so...

How is that an insult?

It just means it's working.

Girls, we're home!

Listeners, the music will be right back after a quick break.

Fine, but don't get mad when you're just as nappy as you ever were.

Come on, Linda! I'm right here!

Ow! Linda!

Oh! Aah!

Calm down. I'm putting the neutralizer in now.

Hurry up. It really hurts!

Hold on.

Anna, you've been with our family for a year.

This is way past due.

You might could pass as my sister, after all.

Should it still burn?

Linda!

Hey, what... What's going on up there?

That hurts.

Linda?

I did what the box told me.

I did what the box told me.

Girls!

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to!

Hey, what's going on up there? It was the box!

I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do it!

Ow.

The call was for a Downtown Julie Brown type.

Someone worldly, articulate,

knowledgeable, charismatic?

Black?

Assistant at Culture for four years.

Uh-huh. They never gave you a shot?

Only so many spots in Culture.

Um, we just need a little bit more rock than urban here.

Perfect.

I appeal to a global audience, you know?

"It's Anna Bludso, coming at you with the hottest of the hot."

Thank you so much.

RMV. Rock Music Video.

The only place that will rock you. You know you want it.

- Oh! - Hey. All right.

She doesn't work here, does she?

From the people that brought you RMV,

we are Culture.

Featuring Brook-Lynne, Sista Soul,

and Julius.

Culture. We're coming on for you.

Damn it.

All right, big board meeting.

You're all called here. You know something's up.

And I'm not gonna bullshit you. Do you know what Culture is

to the suits downstairs?

It's a liability.

It's in place only so that Yetnikoff at CBS and Clive Davis at Arista

don't sue RMV's asses for not playing "that black disco shit."

Their words.

I'd love to tell you the board put me here

because they think I'm some kind of wunderkind,

but the truth is, anytime they see an executive with a hairline

and a working dick, they think he's not qualified to do shit,

except babysit a loss leader.

But let me tell you something.

This is exactly where I want to be.

I spent my entire summer at the Apollo, kicking it with Teddy Riley,

Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis.

Hip hop? This New Jack shit?

It's the future.

And not just black music.

It's the future of the entire music industry.

And we have a chance to own it.

Look at Julius' whack-ass fade.

- He's cute. - Is not.

Nigga think he Eddie Murphy. - Shut up!

- She ain't wrong. Which is why Edna

has decided to step down as EVP of programming.

- Wait, what? - Edna!

- Hell, no. - Culture needs to grow in a direction I simply cannot take it.

- It's okay. It's totally admirable. - She said she was gonna give me a raise.

- Well, that's out. I begged her to stay.

But I'm confident we're in excellent hands.

Allow me to introduce your new EVP:

The legendary Zora Choice.

- Thank you, Grant. Now, I know what you're all thinking.

They say I'm the world's first black supermodel.

Of course it's a light-skinned bitch.

And what does a...

An aging supermodel know about running a channel?

Well, I've been quietly inching my way toward this goal for quite some time now.

And rest assured, I will be consulting the brilliant Edna Knight

- as long as she'll have me. - Absolutely.

Programming will be suspended

for a few weeks while we are retooling.

I, I know it seems sudden, but we simply must.

If Cult, and that's what we're calling it, by the way,

if Cult is going to be the authority on pop culture in the '90s,

well, we simply must be sure of its direction.

My assistant Rosalyn will be setting up meetings with all of you,

just to get to know you,

and find out what skills you will bring to Cult.

"The Block" continues to do well enough in the ratings.

Especially with our very exciting and contractually obligated Sandra premiere.

That program will continue as scheduled.

If this succeeds, we change popular culture.

Y'all, we are doomed.

Come on, there's gotta be something we can do.

Edna, this is your channel.

- Look, I just bought a condo, okay? I'm not going back to radio.

Edna, she brought her own assistant!

Okay, look, I'm gonna start my own production company

that's programming for us, by us.

Now, it's gonna take a few months to get started,

but I will be calling you all, okay?

And then maybe we can work for somebody other than them.

Uh, I'll be waiting by the phone.

It's your man Julius, and welcome to The Block,

where we got a bangin' exclusive from the princess of pop soul.

It's already on the Billboard top 10,

- and has its sights on number one. - Excuse me, excuse me. Thank you.

Thank you so... I'm so sorry I'm late, guys. Beauty takes time.

Anna better not be still hooking up with him.

You know Anna don't live in the real world.

Oh, hey, Anna. Thanks for proofing, girl.

No problem. ...four, three, two,

Hey, it's your man, Julius,

and welcome to The Block,

where we got a bangin' exclusive from the princess of pop soul...

"I Get It!"

I said...

Is that a new nose?

Contouring.

And contacts, maybe?

Oh, that thing must be glued down.

Or a really good relaxer, maybe.

Mm-mm, my shit don't move like that, and I'm part Cherokee.

It's a weave, I think.

Yeah, my girl Tanitra just started doing those.

Take whatever hair you want and sew it into your real hair.

- Ugh, that sounds painful. And expensive.

It actually sounds like a good idea.

Guess it's better than a creamy crack, right?

Of course, I know what's better than either.

- Okay, Sojourner Truth. Ain't nobody got time for all that upkeep.

- Really, dookie braids? - It didn't take that long.

Hell, I think I need me a cigarette.

I think I need a weave.

How anyone can sew someone else's

dead energy into their head is beyond me.

You see shorty's hair?

I get it, okay?

Aah.

Ahem.

- Crazy day. - Humph.

So, what are you doing tonight?

You know,

I've been seeing someone.

You heard me. Hmm?

Like, a therapist, or...

I know I've crossed some lines.

Turned us into something we should have never been.

We've been crossing a line for years.

Fresh!

You know, I'll take full responsibility for it.

We crossed the line this afternoon in your dressing room!

But you pushed for that, though.