Red Shoe Diaries

Dear Red Shoes, there we were,

the ex football star and me, his Prom Queen wife.

Everybody's sweethearts, the perfect couple,

living life in a glass bubble.

Everything going as planned.

Perfect, like clock work.

That is until that pretty little glass bubble

began to crack.

- It's been a whole year

since Billy won the Superbowl

and retired from the game.

They said the transition would be rough

and it has been very rough.

He was okay for a while,

but he'd been a star for so long.

And although people still recognize him and love him,

he just doesn't believe in himself anymore.

He's lost his footing, his self worth.

Inside, he's empty.

Hello, Mr. Bar.

Hello, Mrs. Bar.

Make love to me, Mr. Bar.

Billy, no, please?

I wanted to make love with you all night.

- I can't do it. - Billy.

I just can't do it.

Billy baby, are you okay?

Billy baby is always okay.

A-okay all the way!

Okay!

Hooray!

Whoa!

Hut!

Know what I'm saying?

Whoo!

I can do it, coach, I can do it.

Hut, hut!

Whoo, whoo!

He's out the back, he sees them open!

He's down, whoo!

He's all over the place!

There goes the fucking touchdown!

Whoo!

I can do it, coach, I can.

I can do it, coach, I can do it.

I can do it, coach, I can do it

- Billy baby, I understand Billy.

I understand.

Sure you do.

Look at me, there's nothing left.

I ain't got nothing left.

I ain't got nothing left.

Can't even make love to his wife anymore.

I don't even know who I am anymore, Mrs. Bar.

No more friends, no more fans.

So many things I haven't told you about.

So many secrets.

Tell me, Billy.

So many secrets.

Tell me.

One

two

three.

I'm a fake, Daphna.

Hollow.

Nothing at all.

(crowd screaming and chanting Billy Bar)

Billy!

(crowd cheering and chanting Billy Bar)

Who are you?

My name is Angel.

There's no sense in running after him.

Not now.

I'm frightened.

I know you are.

Come.

(moderate instrumental music and crowd noise)

My name is Angel.

The Devil has his hand wrapped around your husband's heart.

- I'm afraid I'm not very strong.

That's where you're wrong.

There's so much that Billy wants to tell you.

He just doesn't know how.

- Sometimes Billy just doesn't know how to say no.

He's like a little boy.

It hurts me, but I know it hurts him more.

- What is it? - Not now.

Tell me about Billy.

- Do you think it's possible to love

totally at seven years old? - Yes.

I was seven.

My family had just moved from Iowa to Kansas

and he lived across the street.

It was Sunday and his family came over

to introduce themselves after church

and he came with them.

I couldn't even look him in the eye.

He was so sweet, his hair slicked back,

dressed in his Sunday best.