Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

- Good night. - Good night.

Martha, it's 2:00 in the morning.

George.

Well, it is.

What a cluck. What a cluck you are.

It's late, you know. It's late.

No kidding.

Shit!

What a dump.

Hey, what's that from? "What a dump!"

How would I know?

Come on, what's it from? You know.

Martha.

What's it from, for Christ sake?

What's what from?

I just told you. I just did it.

"What a dump!"

- What's that from? - I haven't the faintest idea.

Dumbbell.

It's from some damn Bette Davis picture, some goddamn Warner Bros. Epic.

Martha, I can't remember all the pictures that came out of Warner Bros.

Nobody's asking you to remember every goddamn Warner Bros. Epic.

Just one. Just one single little epic. That's all.

Bette Davis gets peritonitis at the end.

And she wears this big black fright wig all throughout the picture.

And she's married to Joseph Cotten or something.

- Somebody. - Somebody.

And she wants to go to Chicago all the time

because she loves that actor with the scar.

But she gets sick, and she sits down in front of her dressing table...

What actor? What scar?

I can't remember his name, for God's sake. What's the name of the picture?

I want to know what the name of the picture is.

She gets this peritonitis

but she decides to go to Chicago anyway. And...

Chicago. It's called Chicago.

What? What is?

I mean the picture. It's called Chicago.

Good grief.

Don't you know anything?

Chicago was a '30s musical starring little Miss Alice Faye.

Don't you know anything?

This picture...

Bette Davis comes home from a hard day at the grocery store...

She works in a grocery store?

She's a housewife. She buys things.

She comes home with the groceries and she walks into the modest living room

of the modest cottage modest Joseph Cotten set her up in.

- Are they married? - And...

Yes, they're married. To each other, cluck.

And she comes in, and she looks around this room

and she sets down her groceries.

And she says, "What a dump!"

She's discontent.

Well, what's the name of the picture?

I really don't know, Martha.

Well, think!

Well, I'm tired, dear. It's late.

I don't know what you have to be tired about. You didn't do anything today.

- I'm tired. - You didn't have any classes or anything.

Well, if your father didn't set up

these damned Saturday-night orgies all the time...

That's just too bad about you, George.

Well, that's how it is anyway.

You didn't do anything. You never do anything. You never mix.

You just sit around and talk.

Well, what do you want me to do?

You want me to go around braying at everyone all night, the way you do?

I don't bray!

All right, you don't bray.

I did not bray.

I said you didn't bray.

Fix me a drink.

Haven't you had enough?

I said, fix me a drink.

Well, I don't suppose a nightcap would kill either one of us.

A nightcap? Are you kidding?

We've got guests.

We've got what?

Guests. Guests.

Guests.

Yeah, guests. People. We've got guests coming over.

When?

Now.

Good Lord, Martha, do you know what time it is?

Yeah.

- Who's coming over? - What's-their-name.

- Who? - What's-their-name!

Who's what's-their-name?

I don't know their name, George.

You met them tonight. They're new.

He's in the Math Department or something.

I don't remember meeting anybody tonight.

Well, you did.

Of all the asinine... Who are these people?

- He's in the Math Department. - Who?

He's in the Math Department. He's young and he's blond.

He's good-looking, well-built?

Yes, good-looking, well-built.

- It figures. - What?

Nothing. Nothing.

His wife's a mousy little type without any hips or anything.

Do you remember them now?

I guess so. But why in hell do they have to come over here now?

Because Daddy said we should be nice to them. That's why.

For God's sake.

- Daddy said we should be nice to them. - But why now?

Because Daddy said we should be nice to them.

Yeah, but I'm sure your father didn't mean

we were supposed to stay up all night with these people.

I mean, we could have them over some Sunday or something.

Well, never mind. Besides, it is Sunday.

Very early Sunday.

- It's ridiculous. - Well, it's done.

Okay, where are they? If we've got guests, where are they?

They'll be here soon.

What'd they do, go home and get some sleep first or something?

They'll be here.

I wish you'd tell me about things sometimes.

I wish you'd stop springing things on me all the time.

I don't spring things on you all the time.

Yes, you do. You really do. You're always springing things on me.

- George. - Always.

Poor Georgie Porgie, put-upon pie.

What are you doing? Are you sulking?

Let me see. Are you sulking?

Is that what you're doing?

Never mind.

Just don't bother yourself.

Hey.

- Hey. - What?

What's the matter? Didn't you think that was funny?

- I thought it was a scream. - It was all right.

You laughed your head off when you heard it at the party.

- I smiled. I didn't laugh my head off. - You laughed your goddamn head off.

- It was all right. - It was a scream.

It was very funny, yes.

You make me puke.

- What? - You make me puke.

- Wasn't a very nice thing to say, Martha. - That wasn't what?

A very nice thing to say.

I like your anger.

I think that's what I like about you most.

Your anger.

You are such a simp.

You haven't even got the...

The... The what?

Guts?

Phrasemaker.

You never put any ice in my drink. Why is that?

I always put ice in your drinks, Martha. You eat it, that's all.

It's this habit you've got of chewing on your ice cubes like a cocker spaniel.

You'll crack your big teeth.

Well, they're my big teeth.

Yeah, some of them, some of them.

I've got more teeth than you have.

Two more.

Well, you're going bald.

So are you.

Hello, honey.

Hey, go on, give your mommy a big sloppy kiss.

No.

I want a big sloppy kiss.

I don't wanna kiss you right now, Martha.

Where are these people you invited over?

Where is this good-looking, well-built young man and his slim-hipped wife?

Stayed on to talk to Daddy. They'll be here.

Why didn't you want to kiss me?

George?

- George? - Yes, love?

Why didn't you want to kiss me?

Well, dear, if I kissed you I'd get all excited. I'd get beside myself

and then I'd have to take you by force right here on the living room rug.

And our little guests would walk in

and, well, what would your father say about that?

You pig.

Oink oink.

Fix me another drink, lover.

My God, you can swill it down, can't you?

- Well, I'm thirsty. - Jesus.

Look, sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want,

so don't worry about me.

And I gave you the prize years ago, Martha.

There isn't an abomination award going that you haven't won.

I swear if you existed, I'd divorce you.

Just stay on your feet, that's all. These people are your guests.

I can't even see you.

- If you pass out or throw up... - I haven't been able to see you

- for years. - And try to keep your clothes on, too.

There aren't many more sickening sights in this world

- when you have a couple of drinks... - You're a blank.

- And your skirt over your head. - A cipher. A zero.

Your heads, I should say.

Party. Party.

I'm really looking forward to this, Martha.

- Go answer the door. - You answer it.

- Get to that door, you. - To you.

Come on in!

I said get over there and answer that door.

All right, love. Whatever love wants.