Surviving Christmas with the Relatives

- -

Oh.

Fuck, it's cold.

- -

Last one waits the table.

That's not fair.

You started first.

So what if I did?

Wait. Get your foot out the pail. Come back now.

- -Are you stuck?

- - Go on. Out you go.

Bye, Gobbles.

Daisy, the toast is done.

Okay, I'm coming.

-You've seen the beanbags? -We're out. Can you get some?

No, can't you? I've got to go to London.

Dan, I don't have a second.

You think I do? Jesus, the time.

What time will you be back? They arrive around four.

No idea. Why are they coming anyway?

It's gonna be a nightmare. A nightmare.

They are coming because it's the first Christmas

in this house since Mom and Dad died.

And maybe the last.

I don't think I can survive

three days with Trent.

He's so damn pleased

with himself.

He's always trying to put me down

in some not-so-subtle way.

Have some fun to--

People put other people down

usually because they don't feel that great about themselves.

Why don't you look at it that way?

Well, I hope you told them what to expect.

I don't want any complaints.

I told them they're expecting the wits, Dan.

Please don't be late. There's so much to do.

God, I hate Christmas and the stress.

The stress.

Aren't you forgetting something?

What?

No, you idiot.

Gobbles.

Ah, Witek, leak in our bedroom is really bad.

Priority.

No worries.

Thanks.

I'm sorry, Gobbles. This is the moment of truth.

Stay.

Almost. Come on.

Please, come on.

Come on, please. Please.

Stay there.

Shh.

Come on, stay there. Stay there.

Stay there. That's it. That's it.

Oh, it's disgusting.

Shit!

-Bloody frost on my sprouts. - Oh, no.

What happened? Haven't you done it yet?

What's the rush? I'll do it tonight when I'm back.

For God's sake, you always leave everything

to the last minute.

-I'll do it. Give me the sack. -No.

I don't wanna be packing the damn bird at midnight.

I said I'll do it. The turkey is my department.

I'd concentrate on the vegetables if I were you.

You better buy some sprouts while you're at it.

And remember, we've got the village for drinks at seven.

Oh, God.

Here, some biscuits.

Thanks.

Can I borrow you?

I just need some help with the Christmas tree.

Dan says fix leak.

Priority.

It won't take long.

¶ We wish you a merry Christmas ¶

¶ We wish you a merry Christmas ¶

¶ We wish you a merry Christmas ¶

¶ And a happy New Year ¶

¶ We wish you a merry-- ¶

This one's really nice.

Doesn't seem to be a--

How much is it?

Nine hundred and fifty pounds.

I'm not--

I'm not sure it's quite what I'm looking for, ma'am. Thanks.

Um, how much is this necklace?

Uh, just a minute.

Let me check.

It is 150 pounds.

Oh, but I could do it for you for 130 for cash.

-Done. I'll take it. -Good.

It's okay, I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Is this Neverton?

Yes. Is that my cooker?

Rather big, isn't it?

It's about the same ,

it's what you ordered.

Mm.

Just had a cancellation.

Lovely fifteen pounder, last one in the shop.

How much?

For you, sir, 95 pounds.

Right. Okay.

Oh, not that one. Sorry.

Some poor bastard's about to have his car towed,

and on Christmas Eve.

That'll ruin your Christmas.

Oh, God!

Excuse me.

Aren't you guys going to bring it in, hook it up?

Sorry, love, Health and Safety.

I've got 15 people coming for Christmas.

I'm not insured to come in the house.

I'll pay you.

It's more than our job's worth.

No! No! That's my car!

Ah!

Well, happy Christmas, bastards!

Bastards.

Witek.

Sorry, can I borrow you for a minute?

Witek!

Jesus Christ, it's a fucking construction site.

She said it was a work in progress.

Lyla, it's a wreck.

The place is falling down.

It's old, Trent.

This isn't Beverly Hills.

Is it safe to go inside?

Thank you, sir.

Hello?

Anyone at home?

-Uh! - Sorry.

Miranda?

We are here.

Push it in a bit.

Miranda?

I'm coming.

Just a sec.

- -It's working!

Yes!

Oh, you made it.

Oh, so nice to see you. Welcome, welcome.

Hello, Trent.

Daisy, don't be shy, come and say hello to your cousins.

-Hello, Aunty Lyla. -You look gorgeous.

Tyler, you've shot up.

-Oh, don't touch the hair. -So how was the flight?

You're are all feeling horribly jet-lagged?

Flatbeds.

And this is Soon.

She's on an exchange visit of Bee's school.

Oh, hello, Soon.

We thought it'd be fun for her

to experience an English Christmas.

Well, I'm glad you'll be experiencing it with us.

And I didn't think you'd mind.

Don't be silly. The more, the merrier.

I've put you in your old room.

Oh, sweet.

So where's Dan?

Don't tell me he's still doing

his Christmas shopping.

How did you guess?

He always leaves it

to the last minute.

- -Oh, talk of the devil.

You must be joking.

We'd be lucky if we see him before midnight.

-That must be Vicky. -Vicky?

I didn't know that she was coming.

She's visiting with her boyfriend.

-Come on-- - Again?

No, not that one. A new one.

Come on. Come on.

I thought it was just gonna be family.

She is family.

She's our sister, for God's sake.

Half-sister.

You always were good with the waifs and strays.

Hi.

Merry Christmas!

Aunty Vicky!

- We missed you. -We really did.

-Do you like the hair? -Your hair looks really nice.

-Merry Christmas. - Amazing.

-You look great. - Really?

Oh, my God, what's that? I said we didn't need anything.

Oh, emergency rations.

Trent insisted.