Critical Thinking

And Cardinals' Mark McGwire

hit the record breaker last night.

Homer number 62 to continue his hot streak.

We got our own hot streak here in Miami. It's gonna hit 95...

Sicilian Defense, okay?

Okay, let's see if I can get it right.

Let me do it one more time.

Sicilian Defense, okay?

Here goes.

E4, c5.

Knight f3.

D6.

We ain't got no milk.

- Man! - I ain't getting none neither.

You don't get no allowance until you beat me. Got it?

- I don't play. - Fine.

I could use $5 anyway for snacks.

Let's go.

You know my first move.

All right.

Come on, you look a little scared.

No, I'm not.

Check.

Now, go wash that bowl you dirtied.

Man, you always on the fucking couch, man.

Yo, Jason.

Yo, Lou, I gotta bounce.

- I gotta go to Lamar. - I got you.

Yo. Hey, yo!

Yo, yo, yo!

Hey, you ain't seen me running back there? Come on now.

You got a pass?

You're not really gonna try and give me

a used lunchtime pass this early in the morning now?

That's fuckin' cold.

- And no eating on the jitney! - Mmm-hmm.

What's up, Sed?

Same old.

How's your pops?

Same old.

Anything I could do?

I'll take a piece of that sandwich if you're offering, shit.

You see, I would though, but Ray already skimped me on the platanos, dawg,

so I can't even be going that way.

I got these pythons to feed.

Fat-ass. Whatever, man. All right, man.

Yo, Ito, wait up, man.

- Speed up, Sed. - Wait up.

Drag your fat ass through. You hear me?

Man, slow down.

What?

Nothing, just don't look at the board.

- Huh? - Just don't look at the board.

Come on, who's the wise guy? Who's the wise guy?

Are you guys ever gonna grow up?

- Nope. Not this year. - Yeah, I didn't think so.

All right, now, people, this is gonna be very basic for some of you,

but for the fish, or the newbies as I like to call you,

this is gonna be eye-opening

because what you've got is 64 squares,

32 pieces, it doesn't matter how rich or poor you are,

what Ivy League school you may go or you may not go to,

what prison you hopefully never set foot in,

because chess is the great equalizer.

Okay, now in the opening, white always moves first.

Now, I wonder what old white guy thought of that rule, right?

I know you hear me.

So, white has multiple openings,

depending on his opponent's strength.

Then black is gonna counter with a choice of defenses,

- and then you're off to the races, my friends. - Oi, oi, oi.

Hear what I said?

Hey, Mr. Medina. Nice of you to show up, my man.

- You are so very welcome, Mr. T. - Where were you?

I was in the yard.

I was playing a couple of fishies for their lunch money.

Come on, man. Please don't tell me you're gambling.

The last thing I need is for Kestel to come in

and give me grief for that too. Come on!

My bad. Check me out.

Look, these underrated matches ain't getting us nowhere, Mr. T.

- "Aren't." Aren't getting us anywhere, Roddy. - Aren't.

And since when are you too good to play your peers, huh, man?

- They aren't our peers anymore. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

So, now... Now you think you can go up against people

who've been playing since they were in diapers? Okay, okay.

Hold on, hold on. Check me out.

Ain't no diapers here, Mr. T. Don't do me like that.

Please, please sit down, sit down.

Good to know. Just sit down, please. Sit down.

I'll never be able to unsee that. That's...

All right, people, so the first proof today is gonna be

the Scandinavian Defense.

And it goes a little something like this, all right?

So, white plays e4, black attacks aggressively to d5.

And then black pawn down. Okay?

So, the queen violently takes.

Now, this breaks all the rules for beginners

because you never bring out your queen too early.

Roddy, what's the other rule?

Um, you never move the same piece twice in an opening.

- Duh. - Thank you, thank you. Beautiful.

And now, let's do it over again.

And what do you make of that, Mr. Paniagua?

- Yo, get the fuck outta here. - Did you wake up?

He's ordering platanos in his dreams and shit.

Oh, hey. Hey, watch the mouth, watch the mouth.

Mr. T, please, just cut me some slack.

I was working mad late the whole night.

If I was your boss, I would, but I'm your teacher

in the easiest elective in the history of electives.

How much more slack would you like, Mr. Paniagua?

Huh? Just show up, stay awake and you pass, man.

- Little more? - No, come here, come here, come here.

Come up and show me your best opening. Come on, stud, crush me.

Come on, big shot.

- This is why I was sleeping. - Come on, big shot.

This is why I was sleeping 'cause I was saving it for this.

- Watch what's gonna happen. - I'll call you out next so don't play. Don't play.

- E, V4. Boom. - Very basic.

So, I'm gonna call you out on little basics as well.

- Basic to basic. - Oh. Okay, okay.

- That's fancy. You wanna see some defense? - Oh, look at that.

Developing a bishop instead of the knight. Somebody's paying attention.

- I should be teaching actually. - So, I'm gonna counter with this little defensive move.

- What you got? What you got? - Okay, that's good.

- But I already got this. - Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

- Why no? - No, he's trying to scholar's mate me.

Hey, come on. Trying to scholar's mate me?

You do that, and I'll chase your queen all over the damn board, man.

- Oh, okay. - Save that for some fish. All right, guys, guys.

Hey, hey, can you go over the Legal's mate again for me, please?

- Can you do that? - I got you, Mr. Martinez.

All right, so, uh, what do we have here?

Rivera here refused to answer Mr. Rochelle, then he took a swing at him.

Oh, whoa, whoa, Mr. Trouble.

Come on, go inside and wait by my desk, all right? Come on.

- Hey, that new kid look weird. - Go, go.

- Thank you. - What's good.

Come on, man. Come on.

My class is not detention, Miss Kestel.

- No? - No.

No, I'm running a legitimate elective here, okay?

These kids have real potential.

Hello?

Okay, well, they're not what you think they are.

I mean... Well, maybe that one is.

- Oh. - Come on, come on.

Guys, guys, please, a little respect.

Man. Whatever, man.

As long as their ranking and our G.R. goes up,

you can have them playing marbles for all I care.

And I got you this elective.

So, if I need a babysitter because some kid is messing

with another kid's chances of actually graduating,

I expect you'll accommodate me.

I do, I do. I got your back.

- I do. - Great.

And as attendance has been your one area of true greatness,

I'd suggest you focus more on the fact

that it's dipped this past month.

Well, a student was deported.

I'm sorry, but Immigration has a way of messing with attendance numbers.

Just keep the bodies in the seats.

Well, look, if you hired me just to fill up bilingual quota,

you're underestimating me, okay?

And more importantly, them.

Just keep the bodies in the seats.

You know, I'm a good teacher.

I am a good teacher.

- Paniagua. - Here.

So, Rivera?

Well, remaining silent, I mean, it certainly is your prerogative.

Again, T droppin' some Bobby Brown.

Can you not?

Oh, yeah, okay.

That makes sense.

Cool?

Now, Michael, you got two choices here, okay?

One, do nothing,

or play chess.

I swear. I swear there's gonna be one day

one student says, "Yes, Mr. Martinez, chess!"

Of course, yeah.

All right, guys. Hey, guys, guys.

I want you to review scholar's mate for me

- on your own, all right? - Shit.

What, I have to listen to Ito's Haitian music to be cool?

- I'm Dominican, jit. - Dominican, whatever.

Hey, yo, can you pass my queen?

Yo. Yo, Jungle Book, I'm talking to you.

Hey, you don't hear me talking to you?

- Pick up the queen, jit. - Yo, Ito, I got it, man. I got it.

No, it's all good, it's all good. So, you know what?

'Cause I was telling Jungle Book over here to pick up my queen

from the fucking floor like I told him to.

- Bro, leave the kid alone. - Shut up, bitch.

- Sit down. - I'm talking to him.

Come on, come on. Hey, hey.