On Becoming a God in Central Florida

- Previously... - I thought

you told me Obie Garbeau was a killer.

Yeah. A killer businessman.

What are you doing here?

There is a change of ownership in the works.

Consider it the validation of a good idea.

I got something Buck Bridges might want.

Obie's about to make a big purchase, and I thought

your guy might want to buy it before Obie does.

How does Roger feel about you bringing Cody in?

Let's do this!

She's a failed TV journalist

with undue interest in Mr. Garbeau's affairs.

Can I trust you to handle a task on your own?

Can someone help me? Hey.

I'll put you on my payroll,

you can grow with us.

I-I knew I wouldn't want to talk about it,

- so I bought a special hat. - You're in denial.

I knew you were ready.

Have you all seen Louise? I'm gonna head...

Is that Ms. Krystal Stubbs or...

Elly May Clampett?

Yeah, sorry. I thought Louise would be here.

Louise is at the stables.

- Mr. Garbeau? - Yes.

You need to hold still.

- May I just say two words? - Of course.

You're fired.

The rest of you can cast my mouth parts

when I'm damn well done talking.

Krystal, you are witnessing my annual bronze bust casting.

I need the contours of my face

to be remembered accurately

in the event that I'm assassinated.

Okay.

Well, I'm done for today.

Don't go just yet.

Get a cigar for me.

They're in the box over there somewhere.

Over there.

Thank you.

Oh, I need the cutter, as well.

The cutter. The cutter.

Do you need me to light it for you, too?

There is no smoking on the premises.

- Bye. - You're dismissed.

Franklin...

Jefferson...

Washington...

Founders American Merchandise

is proud to present...

Wham Bam Thank You FAM!

37th Anniversary Jam!

In beautiful Downtown Orlando, Florida,

with your hosts, Founders American Merchandise

Southeast Platinum Washington distributor Obie Garbeau II

and Founders American Merchandise

West Platinum Washington distributor Buck Bridges.

Come for the sun, stay for the week of fun,

motivational seminars,

meet and greets, new products, new downline,

prizes, IBOs from all across America.

Call your upline now for tickets.

We're kicking it all off with our annual charity telethon.

This year, we're raising money for the FAM Orphan Fund.

Can you believe this little businessman is an orphan?

- Aww. - I can't.

The Jam is all about getting the tools you need

to build a moneymaking distribution business.

But FAM doesn't just build businesses.

- FAM builds families. - FAM builds families.

Catch all our special guests,

including Plate-Spinning Polly,

- Ernie Gomes and Family... - Dad, that's you.

You're gonna be famous.

Nah. Y-Your mom and me are gonna talk

about the importance of family.

You're gonna be famous.

You remember your part?

Check it.

FAM is...

...way cool.

...world-famous FAM fireworks extravaganza.

...meet and greets, new products,

new downline, prizes,

IBOs from all across America.

Call your upline now for tickets.

Dad?

Other restrictions may apply.

Not responsible for...

You're swimming in the deep end now.

It's natural for you to feel fear.

But it's like I always say...

It's not the fear that's dangerous.

It's how you respond.

The second you let the fear take control of you,

your words, your mind, your future,

you've lost.

You see, a Founders man takes that fear,

and he turns it into drive.

A Founders man takes that fear,

and he uses it to gas up his luxury sedan.

And one, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

And Louise, two, three, four...

Gosh, I hope we've hired a different spotlight operator.

Last year, they made me look like Bea Arthur.

Oh, you could start backlit.

That was my secret in my pageant days.

I could help you with the lighting if you want.

Or choreography

- or... - Oh, Krystal.

Gosh, I just love your zip.

But, you know, you'd be surprised

just how far you can go if you just pay your dues.

Hmm? That's something that I'd like us to explore.

You've only been working here for what, two weeks?

Right? And you got

a little ahead of yourself

with Splashercize, if you remember.

But you're part of this family.

So for Wham Bam,

well, I'm thinking maybe you might want to do our makeup.

Huh? How's that sound?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm thinking maybe a-a deep violet

to really make your eyes pop.

No, I'm not...

I love it.

...surprised...

...that you came up with such a great idea, Krystal.

Oh, and, dear,

we need a little work still

on the fire totems for the week,

so, uh, if you wouldn't mind staying late,

then Kiyoko will stay,

and she'll watch Destinee, all right?

- Of course, Louise. - That's great.

All right, I need agua.

Pronto.

Boy, really wears you out, huh?

You know any En Vogue?

- What's that? - You know.

You may pack up now, Melody.

Melody doesn't listen to dirty music.

Dirty music? En Vogue?

I've heard that song.

It's about being a prostitute and selling dope.

You'll find that as your own daughter grows,

that it's important to monitor

what she's exposed to.

Garbage in,

garbage out.

I see you.

Oh. Hey...

Krystal.

I'm just... I'm enjoying the scenery.

This, uh... this bush, for instance.

This is an Ilex aquifolium,

also known as a Nellie Stevens Holly.

It's incredible. Incredible tree.

You're the nelly.

Does Louise know that you're smoking?

You know, Obie always says

the only habit nastier than smoking is poverty.

You got to quit spying on me, Cody.

- I'm not... - If you want

to accuse me of something, accuse me.

If, um, someone were trying to give Mr. Garbeau a bad name,

like, if they were doing it on purpose,

what-what would the punishment be?

Are you anticipating punishment?

No.

No, no, I'm just... I'm thinking ahead.

You know, like that journalist,

if she... if she did something,

or if things get hinky this week

at the Wham Bam Thank You FAM 37th Anniversary Jam.

If there's aggression, we put a stop to it.

Yeah. Totally.

But when Mr. Garbeau was swearing me in,

he-he mentioned, um...

...killing.

That never happened before, right?

We put a stop to it.

Excuse me. Mr. Garbeau is asking for you.

Uh, apologies, Mr. Penland.

He asked for Mr. Bo-nair.

It's "Bonar."

Hmm.

You know, I never had a son.

Which is why the FAM Orphan Fund means so much to me.

Oh. We can't have any streaks.

If any sickos or perverts

were to lay a hand on one of those kids,

I would dismember them piece by piece.

Yeah. Me, too.