Bad Boys

What is this having-a-picnic shit in my car?

Please, man, I'm not getting my sex at home.

Don't deny me this.

You sleep with a beautiful woman every night.

I'm married. That's what married means.

It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.

Watch it with all that shit, all right?

Look, where's your cup holders?

- I don't have one. - You don't have one?

$80,000 for this car, and you ain't got no cup holder?

It's $105,000. This is one of the fastest production cars on the planet.

Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. This is a limited edition.

You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no backseat.

It's a shiny dick with two chairs in it.

I guess we the balls just dragging the fuck along.

Damn. Sorry.

- Get it. - I can't get down there.

You got an engine floor up here. My shit won't go down in there.

Go. Titty-titty, strutty-strutty.

Go on. Make them want it.

I ain't your wife to be cleaning up after you.

Watch my hand. My shit can't get down there. It gets stuck.

- You come up with this shit. - Get that fry.

This ain't no goddamn Denny's. Don't eat in my car.

I wouldn't buy shit from Denny's. I don't like the way we been treated.

They bit, Jack. Let's skank these fools.

You ain't interested in the fry. You all up in that.

- Get out of the car, man. - Shit.

- What the fuck? - Me and my team have had a big week...

so just get the fuck out of the car.

Damn. What are you weighing, 350?

I bet you're a big chicken-eating motherfucker.

- Get the fuck out. - I always get the big motherfuckers.

- Get out of the car now! - All right!

- Hold on. - Now this is some funny shit.

Let me tell you how bad a day you're having.

You're jacking two cops.

Yeah? I'm a stand-up comedian, and I suck!

- That's why I need your car. - I ain't no Wesley Snipes.

I just hang out with stupid-ass friends that drive stupid-ass cars...

that attract a lot of motherfucking attention!

I need to jump over this car and smack you in your head.

- You're arguing over a French fry! - It's not about the French fry!

It's about your lack of respect for other people's property!

- Shut the fuck up! - This shit is stupid.

Hold the fuck on!

You want something bad enough? Come get some!

You like that shit?

Wesley Snipes, Passenger57.

Now give me a motherfucking Handiwipe.

Let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.

What do you think, guys? Looks like the real thing.

You remember your assignment?

Yeah, I'm the decoy.

Yes, you are.

What the fuck you doing?

Hello. Police?

I just saw a policeman shot on South Miami and First Street.

Help, please.

All units, officer down.

Officer down. Respond code three.

All units in the vicinity, respond and identify.

This is Air Unit Two. We've got a full perimeter.

Officer down. We need additional ground units.

Air Three, roger. Suspector suspects unknown.

Gentlemen, it's clear.

We're inside.

- We're in. - You got 20 minutes.

Goddamn taco is gonna kill me.

Guys, you got 12 minutes. Let's go.

Clear. We're in.

Move your ass. We've got six minutes.

Ready.

Ready to fire. Go!

Fire!

- Clear. - Go.

Come on! Let's go! Get out of here! Move it!

Damn.

Did you have sweet dreams?

You're so nasty.

You're always saying you want quality time.

Right now, I got the time and you damn sure got the quality.

- Come on now. - You know what it is?

I can't remember the last time we fell asleep together.

Baby, it's my job. It's what it requires.

I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning.

- I feel lighter on my feet. - Keep it in your pants, baby.

I hear three little Burnetts coming down the hall.

That's cold. You're leaving me here like a humping dog.

- Hi, baby boy. - Mommy.

- Boy, what's up? - Daddy!

Dad, at school, people say I look weird.

They say my ears look funny.

Boy, your daddy has that same problem. I got the ears.

You know what? They just out there for you to listen to people's problems.

You're an angel. These are your wings.

That's all.

James, stop. Would you take them off...

Your ears are better for you to listen with.

Don't let me come down to school. I'll arrest the principal.

- Mom! - What?

- James keeps pushing me! Quit it! - Talking about my boy's ears.

Do what your mama said.

- Uncle Mike's in the house. - What's up, Uncle Mike?

- Partner. - What's going on?

Quincy, check it out.

- Why did you take my food? - Hey, girl.

Don't kiss me. I don't know where your lips were last night. Move.

Uncle Mike, did you have a date last night?

Did I!

- Let me tell you, boy. This girl was... - Hey!

Don't tell my son your sleazy sex stories.

I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.

I don't want him knowing about them either; gives him ideas.

Why you putting me in this? I'm with my babies.

- Thank you. - Hello?

- Eat. Go on, girl. - No problem.

- You're on the mike with Mike. - Want Daddy to wipe your mouth?

I think you mean to say, "Get our asses down there, please", Captain.

- Now! - Maybe not.

What's up, boy?

- Hey, baby! - Hey, Francine. Where's Howard?

He's down there. He's looking for you. He's been in better moods.

Damn.

Get it done, goddamn it.

Welcome to our nightmare, boys.

See this? What's wrong with this picture?

Remember this room?

Don't these flats look familiar?

There were these silver packets. They looked like bricks.

Little red tags on them, about so high.

- All that heroin is gone. - This was our career bust...

worth $100 million.

- Gone. - This is bad.

No, let me call it what it is. This is fucked up.

- You got that right, detective. - Hello, Alison.

You guys know Captain Sinclair, Internal Affairs' top watchdog.

I'd actually take that as a compliment if I didn't know you so well.

Excuse me, but if you two want to get personal, I could step out...

There's nothing personal here. I'm just doing my job.

I love knowing that one leak...

one headline could turn this nightmare into a media frenzy.

That won't happen. We'll get the dope back before that ever happens.

Good. Start by looking right here.

This had to be an inside job, and I'll find out about it.

Sanchez, Ruiz, you're late.

Somebody put this in for toxic drug fumes.

Yeah, this was a brilliant design.

This was really intelligent. I like this.

I didn't ask how he feels. I said, "What did he see?"

"What does he know?"

Where werey'all last night?

Have your cousins bring the shit back, and we can all get some sleep.

We were gonna do that, but we came up with a problem.

Your mama snorted up all the dope.

You two, get over there.

O'Fee will be all right, but he's got nothing to tell us.

So they kill a decoy, it empties the station. Very smart.

But they don't kill a real cop because they had the whole force on their ass.

This was your case. You're back on it.

Sanchez, Ruiz, you back them up with whatever they need.

- Shut your mouths. - But wait a second.

It was Carrera's drugs in the first place.

But it couldn't have been him because he was killed in prison.

What about the rest of his crew?

Those idiots don't have the precision to do this, but...

just in case I'm wrong, you check them out.

They'd have been up here with Uzis, splashing O'Fee all over the place.

Takes a lot of brains to pull this off.

- Big cojones too. - What the hell are you talking about?

It would take me a month to explain to you what cojones is.

- You're in Miami. You don't know... - In English.

What's the matter with you? We've got nothing!

The guy who pulled this off knew what he was doing...

and he left us nothing but a big "Fuck you."

Find out who installed the ventilating system. Do that now.

- That's cold. - Yeah, so is your mama's bed.

This could definitely be an inside job. Don't rule it out.

We've got 72 hours before the FBI and the DEA...

walk in here and shut us down, and we'll be the bad guys.

Politics demand that somebody take the rap for this.

It's going to be us. Just do what you do, only faster.

Jojo, what's up?

You're still a chemist, right? Cutting drugs and shit like that?

I don't know nothing about that. I'm out of the drug business.

- You know something. - You don't know nothing?

I just said no to drugs.

- What are you into, Jo? - I'm into rubber.

- You're selling tires? - Yeah.

- Jojo don't know nothing. - Nothing. I know tires.

- You're telling me the truth? - Would I lie to you?

- Would you lie to me? - I'm driving.

- Man, this is a waste of time. - Come on.

In Max's line of work, she definitely gets the 411.

Maxi! How did I know I would find you up in here?

We have to talk. Is there someplace we can go?

Yeah. Equipment room?

- Behave yourself. - I'm cool.

Listen, I need some help, again.

What else is new?