Perry Mason: The Case of the Telltale Talk Show Host

Who's there?

Who's there?

Hello?

Hello?

I'm telling you, Officer Bates, it was hanging right there.

All right, so you saw this mannequin in the dark.

Right.

You didn't turn the lights on.

I didn't have to.

You don't believe me, right?

Well, I'm sure you saw what you saw.

Hysterical woman, hmm?

Delusional talk show host.

Ma'am, this isn't the first call we've had from you.

Yeah, I know.

Thank you, officer.

Thanks for coming.

I wish I could be of more help.

I'm sure.

Good night.

Mason.

What is it, Della?

Yeah, I know she's an old friend of yours.

Oh?

I'll come right over.

Della, please stop apologizing.

I was getting up in another three hours anyway.

Ken, glad I caught you at home.

Guess what?

I've heard your show on KCDM, usually a little later in the morning.

Somebody trying to gaslight you, Dr. Carlin?

It appears so.

First it was just phone calls, hang-ups.

Someone... Someone prowling around outside.

When did all this begin?

About a month ago.

Thanks, Della.

Did anybody else have a key to your house?

No, but it wouldn't matter anyway, because I had the alarm on.

I mean, how could anybody get the code?

Does the security company send your bills here or to the station?

To my office at the station.

Anyone at the station who might have done these things?

If I had to pick somebody, it would be Winslow Keene.

I mean, everyone.

Ever since he bought the station, he's been trying to break my contract.

I wouldn't put this past him.

Ken, get in touch with Lou McIntyre first thing in the morning.

We need a full security analysis of the house.

We need to change all the locks.

And tell him to put a monitor on the phone so we can tape any phone calls.

Della, we'll wait two days, then we'll need a new unlisted telephone number.

Now, Sheila, I'd like an excuse to meet Winslow Keene and a chance to observe.

Serve everybody at the station.

I think I can arrange that.

KCDM, 98.4 FM.

KCDM, talk radio.

And now back to Fritz and Fred.

Okay, my twisted legions, don't everybody call it once, even though we're raffling

off a date with Fred's girlfriend this morning.

So here's the issue.

The girlfriends of radio personalities and the listeners who want them.

Is the caller there?

This is Steve Fritz.

Steve, my man.

How much do you bid, Steve?

Well, what's Fred's girl like?

All right, she's hot, she's good looking.

She won't shut up, but just do what I do, you put a bag over her head.

If I could interject here, Steve, she's a two-bagger, definitely.

That's right, you use two bags in case one breaks.

We'll give them the choice of paper or plastic.

Thank you.

Good morning, USA.

This is Red, White, and Baby Blue Clark Hunter, and I'm ready to straighten out

you and the country, if you've got the guts to call me.

Clark, you get a double salute from me on how you spoke out on that gun issue last week.

Friend, I don't back out, back down, or back off.

What's your question?

How do you feel about all these women who expect to get top jobs, whether they earn them or not?

Here's what I have to say to these women.

Listen to the real women's national anthem.

I vote as the clouds on air do, I enjoy being a girl.

You know what really ticks me off, Boomer?

Oh, what's that, Bruce?

All these guys, they make all this money playing football, you know, and then,

and then, like, they don't play and say they're injured or something.

How do you know they're really hurt, you know?

Oh, come on, look, from, from Pop Warner to college football to the pros,

over a million people a year get hurt playing football.

And every pro is playing a little hurt to somebody.

To some extent.

I'll tell you what, if I, Boomer Kelly, hadn't been hurt, I'd still be out there

making the big bucks rather than spending my lunch hour in here talking to people like you, huh?

Good afternoon.

In Tinseltown today, Maura Shears, star of the hit movie Vampire Love 2,

was spotted shopping for clothes at Trendy Maternity.

Are we expecting?

And if so, who's the daddy?

This is Judith Jansen.

You're on the air.

Hi, this is Debbie.

Hi, Debbie.

What's your question?

For the past hour this afternoon, we've had the considerable pleasure of

interviewing the eminent defense lawyer, Perry Mason.

Before our time is up, Mr. Mason, I'd like to pose a legal question of my own.

That is, if you will indulge me.

Depends on the question.

A man shoots his victim in the head.

The victim survives, but is on life support.

Two years later, the victim's family and physicians agree he's brain dead.

They pull the plug.

The victim dies.

Now, my question is, is the man who shot him guilty of murder or attempted murder?

That's a good question.

I would hope so.

In most states, if the victim dies more than a year and a day after the shooting,

the proper charge is attempted murder.

However, most prosecutors would disagree.

The case would certainly cause controversy.

Very interesting.

Thank you very much, Mr. Mason.

Until tomorrow, everyone, this is Winslow Keene.

Now stay tuned for Dr. Sheila Carlin, coming right up after these messages.

Are you aware that Dr. Carlin has had some disturbing occurrences at her home during the last month?

I've heard about them.

Probably someone who actually took her advice and lived to regret it.

Any idea who that might be?

No, but if I find out, I'll let you know.

Good, Mr. Keene.

Whoever it is, they will live to regret it.

Goodbye, Mr. Mason.

I'm making some significant changes.

All right, Winslow.

You've had your little moment of drama.

Now, what's this all about?

There's been a steady decline in revenue for the past six months, so I'm changing the station's format.

Beginning Monday, KCDM will be playing music during the day, and you'll all be working at night.

What?

Oh, come on.

Yes.

Yes, Fritz and Fred, the bad boys of radio, will be dispensing their tastelessness from 8 P.M.

to 11 P.M.

What?

There is no way.

Our morning drive time gets the highest ratings in this city.

Nobody listens to KCDM at night.

Hey, man, we've got an offer from L.A.

We're going.

Believe me, you two aren't going anywhere.

And you, Judith, you'll be purveying your mindless gossip from 10.30 A.M.

to 11 A.M.

from 3.30 P.M.

to 4 P.M.

and 11.30 P.M.

to midnight.

Live.

That's a 14-hour day.

I couldn't possibly work those hours.

Pity.

And you, you'll be mispronouncing the names of Major League cities from 4 A.M.

to 5 A.M.

You can't do this to me.

Let's face it, Boomer, I just did.

You're a charity case.

What other station in town will hire you?

And you, my pseudo-intellectual friend, will wrap yourself in the flag from 5 A.M.

to 6 A.M.

I see how this works.

You're saving the best hours for yourself.

Well, that's true.

Well, I'm calling my lawyer.

And the first thing he'll ask you is how you intend to pay him when I cancel your contract.

Your contract stipulates you can't work anywhere else for the next 27 months.

Well, we'll just see about that.

And when Dr. Carlin gets off the air, you can tell her she's going on the air from midnight to 3 A.M.

Anyone still up at that hour deserves her one-minute psychiatric evaluation.

See you later, bad boys.

This is Dr. Sheila Carlin inviting you to share your problems with me.

And together we will find the solutions that can empower you and change your life.

Until tomorrow.

Oh.

Jack, you did it again.

See you tomorrow, Doc.

Judith, why are you still here?

I just wanted to see your face when I gave you the news.

Winslow?

Winslow?

Winslow?

Just hold on.

Wait a minute.

Wait, wait just a second.

I don't care who owns this station.

You cannot do this to my show.

But I can, and I will.

But I won't let you treat me this way.

You know what I like most about you, Dr. Carlin?

What is that?

Is how seriously you take yourself.