Happy Hour

You only get one shot at this life,

and you've got to give it everything you've got.

And that goes for the women you take,

and the beer you drink.

Marshall Beer.

So come on.

Reach for the star.

Reach for Marshall...

the beer that...

Blake, not another nightmare.

I'm sorry, Cathy, I can't help it.

It's really starting to bother me.

Today, I'll talk to Marshall.

Good morning, Denver.

7:00 A.M., and traffic is flowing smoothly.

Gonna be just a gorgeous day.

Temperatures in the mid 70s all week.

That's the forecast, so get out there...

Beer sales up across the board.

Southeastern United States up 23.4%.

Western up 16.6.

Overall increase in one-week period

ending Friday, 21.2%.

Marshall Toy Division, quarterly sales off nine percent.

That Tommy Transvestite doll is a dud.

We're selling only half as many dolls.

I like that foreign job. Who makes it?

Prezoni Motors.

Buy it.

The car? The company.

We own the company.

How's it doing? Poorly.

Sell it.

What do you mean, she lost the xerox machine?

How can you lose a whole xerox machine?

Gentlemen, the old think tank perking today?

Yes. Certainly, Mr. Marshall.

This week, we're workin' on polyester poker chips.

Polyester potato chips!

Super. Eat one, Jenkins.

Sir, excuse me.

I wonder if I might have a word with you in my office.

Sure. Anything for my new head of research.

I've got a minute.

Mr. Marshall, I appreciate the promotion.

I really do.

The big office, money, the prestige.

It's really great.

You deserve it.

We've only been using your ingredient for two weeks,

and beer sales have skyrocketed.

That's what worries me, sir.

You see, this thing could conceivably

get out of hand.

I just stumbled on it.

I had no idea...

You're right.

It's a hell of a nice office. Sir?

How about that secretary, hmm?

Have you ever heard her belch?

What? Belch.

Honest to god,

she belches with the best of 'em.

Sir...

About her, sir.

I don't think she's literate.

She has all sorts of talents, Blake.

Learn to enjoy life.

You've earned it.

Look, I found it. I found the xerox machine.

Good for you, honey.

Hell of a nice office.

Need some paint.

See to that, Jenkins.

Stay on top of those potato chips, guys.

Sir...

Hancock. Han...

Famine relief efforts continue,

but it may be a case of too little, too late.

From Somalia, this is Roger Wentworth reporting.

Here's news from wall street.

The Dow Jones average was down more than two points

as investors engaged in heavy profit-taking.

Speaking of profits, here's a hot tip

from KSQR.

Marshall Beer of Denver...

always one of the nation's smaller breweries...

has vaulted into national prominence.

Figures disclosed today show that Marshall,

led by an aggressive advertising... Advertising?

Is that right, Blakely?

We'll just see about that.

Sir, I've got something very important to tell you.

Save it for the board meeting, Jenkins.

We're late already.

Sir, I really think... Save it!

Gentlemen, ladies.

I'm sorry I'm late.

That's okay, Mr. Marshall.

You're damn right it is.

As I'm sure you're well aware,

the quarterly reports are in.

A brief rundown shows a number of things.

First off, things are looking up

in ladies underwear, eh, Wilson?

Home appliances are up three percent.

We're looking pretty good,

with one notable exception.

Here it comes.

What's going on in toys, tinker?

Sir, I... Save it!

Right now, we're going to talk about beer.

You've heard rumors.

Well, you've heard right.

A 20% sales increase in two weeks.

Two weeks!

And you know what?

That's nothing.

Not even the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

I'm going to tell you why.

I'm sure you've all had a chance to meet

our new head of research Blake Teegarden.

Some weeks ago,

Teegarden came to me with a small vial of liquid.

I couldn't believe what he told me.

Added to our beer,

this stuff makes it irresistible.

Practically addictive.

No matter how many Marshall Beers you drink,

you want more.

What's even better,

it's undetectable, untraceable,

and can't be duplicated by anyone,

including us.

If we only have a small vial of it,

how long will it last?

There's enough in that little jar

to flavor the Atlantic ocean,

and we've got every drop of it.

No, sir,we don't.

What? What was that?

I said... I know what you said.

I was told it couldn't be duplicated.

Maybe not duplicated, sir,

but it can be stolen.

Half the formula is missing. Half?!

How the hell can you lose half of it?!

We've been storing it in two separate vials.

One is added to the beer,

the other was in chemical research.

That's the one we're missing.

Find it, Jenkins.

Only six people have access

to the blue room

where the stuff is kept.

Four are in this room.

They check out.

That leaves Meredith Casey

in chemical research,

and Teegarden.

You think Teegarden stole it?

No, sir, I don't.

However, miss Casey is another story.

The thing is...

What?!

She used to work for Lakeside Breweries.

Most of you are aware, Lakeside brews four beers,

but only one nationally.

Come on, Joe, make your point.

She called in sick Friday.

No one has seen her or been able to reach her

for three days.

We've run a spot survey on western beer sales

over the last 48-hour period.

El Macho sales

show a net 14% increase.

Lakeside.

That bitch!

As you can see,

our sudden and rather dramatic increase in sales

is due solely to this ingredient,

and, of course, to the foresight of Ms. Richards.

Oh, thank you, dear.

My late husband...

rest his soul...

was a pioneer in this business.

Hell, everyone knows that only faggots drink Marshall.

Yes, ma'am.

Would you care for some tea, sir?

Dear, would you pour for us?

As I was saying,