10 Things I Hate About You

- Hi, Dad. - Hi, honeys,

Sorry I wasn't there this morning to make pancakes,

but you never know when Mr, Stork is gonna pay a visit,

Dad, you realize we know where babies come from, right?

Do you realize where they come out?

Trust me, not pretty.

- Dad! - All right, look,

It's the first day of school, so remember the most important thing:

- Don't get pregnant. - Dad!

"Dad."

I'm just saying, boys wanna put a baby in you.

Are we clear, Bianca?

Well, they'd have to do it in vitro, since I can't date until Kat does.

Then we're clear on the rules,

I only make them because you girls mean so much to me.

Your mother predicted what smart,

beautiful, young women you'd grow into. And how right she was.

She'd want you to know that,

- Thanks, Dad. - She'd also want you to know that

syphilis, gonorrhea and genital herpes are on the rise

- among American teenagers, - Goodbye, Dad.

Whoa!

Push.

We're headed to high school, not the Academy Awards.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

We're talking about teenagers. They're impressed by shiny objects.

- Thus, my earrings. - You could just try being yourself.

Spoken like a true unpopular person.

That never works.

Using exhaustive Facebook research, I've identified the most popular girl.

I then deconstructed her profile and used that data

to carefully plot out our first encounter

so as to easily befriend and beguile her.

Beguile? Big word, Shakespeare.

Pull over here. I wanna make an entrance.

Your door is stuck.

Your Highness.

- How do I look? - Shallow.

Thank you!

Hey. You're the one speeding in a school zone.

- - Do you mind?

- -

This is my spot.

I was told the spots aren't assigned.

Oh, no, no. They are assigned... by Charles Darwin.

So why don't you and your dinosaur

head to the back with the rest of the extinct species.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my... Oh, my God!

My car! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, God!

My dinosaur wanted to Jurassic park here.

- -

Hey, sophomore!

What are you wearing?

This is a new look for the new Michael. Goodbye Mikey.

Hello Michael, emo-hipster musician.

- You play piccolo in the marching band. - High school is how you spin it.

Even the biggest dorks can be cool as long as they play their cards right.

- Look at Shia LaBeouf. - I don't care about cool.

I just want a girlfriend.

And every girl here remembers that tornado drill in fourth grade

when I wet my pants.

Can I press pause on this Lifetime TV movie?

This is our year, man!

Change is in the air. I can feel it!

Hey, Mikey! What are you doing outta your locker?

Oh, hey, Big E. Back for another senior year, I see.

Have you heard the new Fall Out Boy? It slays.

It's really good, man. You should check it out. They're a great band.

Wow.

My locker hates me.

I could help you.

Seventeen, 1 3, 1 1...

Great combo. You'll never forget this.

- Descending prime numbers. - Yay, math.

So you're new here?

Yep. My family just moved here from Ohio.

Well...

If you need any directions,

or class advice or CPR, I am certified.

- My name's Cameron. - Bianca.

Thanks a lot.

I love you.

This is a very serious matter.

Girls, tell me what happened.

What happened is this...

Girl?

...mauled my MlNl Cooper.

No, I asserted my right to park. Those spaces are communal prop...

Chastity, are you OK? Does anything hurt?

My neck is a little bit sore.

That's probably from flipping your hair too much.

You should go see the nurse right now. After all, we can't risk

our head cheerleader having an injury just days before the first pep rally.

Go, Penguins!

So get outta here.

- And have a wonderful first day. - Bye-bye.

- OK. - All right.

Whoo!

What you did was dangerous. Very, very, very dangerous.

I was going two miles an hour. Not exactly The Fast and the Furious,

Listen. Karol? Karen? Katherine...

I can tell from your transcripts you're gonna be a very effective...

...activist someday.

I'm sure you'll really stick it to the man.

But here at Padua High, the man is Chastity,

the daughter of the school board superintendant.

This is a public school.

Every student deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

No. That's private school.

Here, we keep Chastity happy so we keep our funding.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to kiss some ass.

Mr. Verona, what a surprise. Come in.

Without the sharp object.

Personal space. Ever heard of it?

What's she doing now?

Other than looking beautiful, of course.

Oh... She's taking off her shirt.

Man, I pegged her as a B cup, tops.

Dude, I don't have much time before her social status is determined.

It's like she's about to reach into the sorting hat at Hogwarts.

Well, then get over there, Harry Pooper, and pull out your wand.

OK. OK.

Um...

So... what do I say first?

Oh, careful. Go slow, all right?

Sorry.

She's so brave.

Watch out!

I wouldn't want you to fall in those... fierce shoes!

- Marc Jacobs? - Betsey Johnson.

Besides, as my grandma used to say, I can't be caught dead without mascara.

My grandma used to say that.

No way!

My favorite band is Coldplay, I love Scrabulous

and my dream car is a metallic blue convertible MlNl Cooper.

- I'm Chastity. - Bianca.

Walk with me and tell me your life story.

Well, we just moved here from...

Wow, great story. You should try out for cheerleading.

OK.

Too late. Voldemort's got her.

Man, not so fast. All we need is a plan.

Hey, your mom has her wine club tonight.

It's scary you know that.

She gets a little flirty afterwards. It's fun.

Ew.

But tonight, when they're gone, we're gonna throw a party.

The last party we went to was a bar mitzvah. Yours.

If we throw the first rager of the year, we will be legends.

And Bianca will be able to talk to you in public!

- My mom will be home at midnight. - We call the cops at 1 1 :00.

They break up the party, making it even more epic.

Oh, come on. Picture greeting Bianca

as she walks into this raging party

at your house.

- My house. - Yeah.

All right, well, we're not exactly Clooney and Pitt.

I mean, how do we get people to come?

- Trust me. - I do.

Don't worry, I won't bust you. Just had to get out of the lunchroom.

Apparently, it's no longer acceptable to chew with your mouth closed.

What's your name?

When you're a big-time artist,

I wanna be able to say I knew you back in high school.

Provided you're not in jail for vandalism.

- Mandella. - Kat.

Mandella, who is Captain lntensity over there?

Patrick Verona. People say he knows the taste of human flesh.

Please, he's just trying to act mysterious so he can get laid.

Watch.

Maybe we should stand somewhere else. Somewhere out of state.

There.

Do you work in any other mediums?

- Favorite dog? - Labradoodle.

- Efron or Timberlake? - No contest. Timberlake.

- Project Runway? - Love it.

- Want Tim Gunn to officiate my wedding. - Wow. We are so alike, it's scary.

Hold this.

Bianca...

...this is Joey Donner,

my boyfriend and Padua's starting quarterback.

Babe, I told you, I don't know if I'll be starting this Friday.

Ooh! Well, let's hope so, because I don't date second string.

I'll see you at tryouts. I really hope that you don't suck.

Bye!

She's a spitfire, huh? I can see why you love her.

Yep. She's the best.

- Well, I'm late for chemistry. - Well, I'm late for chemistry.

After you.

Tabitha, go,

I'm Tabitha Cook, student council secretary,

A new school year is upon us

and you can just feel the excitement in the air,

In order to get everyone excited, we'll be holding the,,,

Attention Padua High School students,

Is the end of summer bringing out your dark side?

Nothing cures the back-to-school blues better

than a kick-ass intergalactic party,