The Sopranos

You should've rang the doorbell, Brendan.

Hey, you! Yeah, you! What are you doing?

We found this truck on the side of the road.

There might be transmission trouble. You should check it out.

What's going on? Hey, that's the truck.

The one that was stolen in Newark?

What are you doing with the truck?

It's a gift from Tony Soprano.

Let's call the cops. Those guys killed Hector.

I don't believe it. We just returned the biggest score of my year.

Listen, you fuck.

Uncle Junior's breaking Tony's balls since you hijacked that truck.

You're lucky Tony doesn't shove the cab up your ass.

What else did Comley say?

Nothing much.

There was stuff missing from the truck...

But he didn't give a fuck as long as the thing's back.

Then he said to tell Tony thanks, and if Tony needs anything, to call.

Tony?

Those junkie fucks work for Tony.

They hijack Comley's truck, I get it back, and he thanks Tony?

Well, I think you should've taken care of this Christopher Moltisanti thing...

The minute it first happened.

You should've sent a clear signal: "You fuck with Junior Soprano..."

Take it easy. We're not making a western here.

Fucking family.

| bought his kid a $400 surfboard for his birthday.

Mr. Soprano?

How you doing?

Is that a trick picture out there?

Which?

And the old tree all rotted out inside.

It's just a picture I bought.

I remember, in a little gallery in Provincetown.

That is a special-made psychological picture.

Like that what-do-you-call-it test.

You think I want to trick you?

- Oh, no. - What does that picture say?

"We're from Harvard, and what do you think of...

This depressing barn and this rotted-out tree here?"

It's depressing and scary to you?

Not to me.

But it's got that built right into it.

How are things?

I had a real good week.

A friend's in the hospital.

That's never pleasant, but...

Otherwise, I'm having a good week.

- What's he in for? - They thought it was an ulcer.

You know, then this, then that.

- You're worried about him? - Jackie?

Jackie's so fucking mean, he'll scare that cancer away.

Your friend has cancer?

Jackie, when they hook you up, do you make sure they don't have...

Air in your veins, or is that just bullshit?

What do you mean?

This is a good hospital, sweetheart. Nothing like that's gonna happen here.

Air in the line'll kill you. You know who else...?

You know who else has cancer?

Tommy DiPalma.

He's got it much worse. It's eating his brain away.

Hey, somebody having a baby or what?

- How you doing? - All right.

- How you feeling? - Good.

Hesh, how you doing? Good to see you.

Thanks for coming.

Jackie, looking well, pal.

Here, Ro, for you.

You're beautiful.

Mikey, nice to see you again in men's clothing.

I should grab a fire extinguisher.

I heard your friend had a spontaneous combustion in his restaurant.

I'm going to the cafeteria. Want anything?

A plate of braciole.

- They got grappa in this thing? - Oh, I wish.

See you later. I got some errands.

- Give Junior my love. - I will.

Tell my uncle I sent back the truck. Give me the vinegar peppers he owes me.

Thank God he left.

He's a nice guy, but he's like the grim reaper.

He knows every guy with cancer, and he can't wait to tell you.

Jackie, you might be a candidate for clinical trials.

These stem cell therapies...

Paulie, he don't want to hear no more cancer talk.

Get the fuck out of here!

Trust me, you caught a break being Jewish. See what I gotta deal with?

Jews, that's right. I knew there was something.

Tony, you know Teittleman?

Owns property. Owns the motel down the street from the club.

The Jew with the black clothes and the curls.

They're called Hasidim.

"Hasidim" but I don't believe them.

- What does Teittleman want? - A divorce for his daughter.

What do you mean?

His son-in-law will not give his daughter the consent...

Unless Teittleman gives him 50 percent of his motel.

They call it a get.

Why don't he just...?

It's taboo for their religion.

You know about this shit?

Run. Trust me. You don't want to do business with these people.

He said there's 25 large in it if we can get him this get.

There's a saying amongst Jews:

"When a Jew gets a divorce, even the altar sheds tears."

All right, I heard enough.

Look, I'm getting kind of tired.

Let's go get a cup of coffee.

See you later, Jackie. Take care.

- Take care. - All right, Jackie.

That crash was Meadow Soprano jumping her cue.

Miss Marris, we're exhausted from studying for SATs. We were up past 2.

- Are you her lawyer? - No.

Why they'd schedule SATs the same week as our recital...

- Same day. - What?

If we're kicked out of concert singers, we lose our best extracurricular.

Goodbye, Berkeley. Hello, Glassboro state.

I cannot wait until all of North America is between me and Tony and Carmela.

New Jersey blows.

I want to go to Berkeley so bad.

The whole east, I can't deal anymore.

So we don't sleep till after the SATs.

Don't mind the mess. I wasn't expecting company.

I couldn't wait. I had to see the new house.

- Where's king Arthur? - Downstairs. This plumbing!

Oh, I love the coziness.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Well, the school district, anyway.

Carm, you did not have to do this.

I mean, we don't see each other like we used to...

I want that to change.

- Could this be Artie Bucco? - Hey, capitano!

The place looks good.

It needs a little work, but we'll get there.

You need some cash until the insurance on the restaurant comes...

Insurance. There'll be an Italian president before I see any insurance money.

I thought that was settled.

Join the club. They're doing a second arson investigation.

They think you're mobbed up? You're a working stiff.

It doesn't make any sense. Who would burn down a perfectly good restaurant?

It's stupid.

Insane.

- Sorry, Artie. - Life goes on, no?

I could always be a plumber, no?

Only one concept to master: Shit runs downhill.

Yes, it does. Come in the kitchen. I'll buy you a beer.

- Mr. Soprano. - Mr. Teittleman.

- My pleasure. - Have a seat.

- Thank you. - Silvio you know.

Paulie.

How are you?

This is my son.

Does he have a name?

Oh, I'm sorry. It's Hillel.

You know about my daughter and her husband?

Yeah, he knows.

Do you have a daughter, Mr. Soprano?

Yes. Call me Tony.

What would you do if she was abused by her husband?

Talk to him.

Yeah, in ball-peen hammer.

I think you understand my anger.

He's harming my daughter, and he's mocking our laws of marriage.

Look, let's understand each other from the get-go here, okay?

I'm in waste management.

I'm only here because I'm Silvio's friend, you're Silvio's friend.

You may be having a problem I can help you with.

If I can do it, that will make me happy.

What's your problem, Hil?

- Please finish. - You're being shaken down...

- For 50 percent of your motel. - Correct.

The goon squads who smacked these husbands around to get the divorce...

Were put out of business by the DA.

All right, 25 percent. He wants 50, we get 25.

I don't understand.

I'm not talking to you.

You get me what I want, Mr. Soprano, and you have a deal.

It's done.

You let them in our motel, you'll never get them out.

That's a commercial, isn't it?

Julio, before lunch I want you to do bedding inventory.

Half-hour, and no cervezas, please.

Yes, may I help you?

That depends. Are you Ariel?

That also depends. Are you a bill collector?

What is this, the Catskills? Shecky Greene we got here.

Let's talk about your father-in-law.

I'm sorry. He's not here.

We know he's not here.

But we want to talk to you about him and you. And him.

This problem that you're having.

Look, I don't know who you are...

But any problem I may be having with my family is none of your matter.

So get out of here.

No, no, look. Shlomo is a friend of mine.

And you're bragging this?

This guy...

You couldn't possibly understand what's going on here.

Shlomo is an arrogant, ignorant control freak.

Look, I know him since before I had hair on my pitzl. I made this place.

The flyers, the car rental drop-off, the business breakfast.