An Officer and a Gentleman

Passengers arriving on Philippine Airlines Flight 118...

...welcome to Manila International Airport. Those passengers...

Hey.

- Hey, kid. Are you Zack? - Yes, sir.

I'm Byron. Nice to meet you.

- Come on. Let's get your bags. Okay? - Yes, sir.

Take your jacket off, kid. It's hot as hell here.

This is the P.I. It's what we call the Philippine Islands.

Zack, I'm sorry about what happened to your mom. It must've been rough.

I would have called you a lot sooner, but I was out at sea.

But I've been calling you for four months.

That's what I'm trying to tell you. I was out at sea for four months.

All right, kid. These are your mama-sans, Tiki and Maria.

Hello, Byron.

Come here. I want you to meet somebody. This is my son, Zack.

Tiki, say hello. Zack, Tiki and Maria.

- Hi, Zack. - Hi, Zack.

I'm out at sea three weeks out of every month.

When I'm in port, I don't have time for daddy stuff. That's not who I am.

- That's okay, sir. - Kid, you don't understand.

I'm too old for this. I don't care what the Navy says.

This is no place to bring up a kid. I told you on the telephone.

- You're better off in that state school in Virginia. - I'm never going back! They treat me like shit.

Maybe that's not for you to say! Goddamn it, don't look at me that way!

What happened to your mother had nothing to do with me!

It did. You said you were going to come back!

Is that what she said? That's a female lie. That's bullshit! That's a lie!

I found your letters. I read them after she did it.

You said you were gonna come back. You said you loved her.

And she believed you. You're a liar.

Motherfucker.

- Handsome. - Grow up, boy. I'll wait for you.

You want to go to school? I'll teach you nice.

Woo! Woo! Woo!

Chicken feet, monkey meat. Come on, you buy. Buy! Monkey meat.

Hey, sailor. What ship are you from?

Hey, what are you doing?

- Big spender. Give us your money! - I don't have any money.

- Bullshit, get it out! - No!

Leave me alone! Agh!

- Leave me alone. Oh. - Ha-ha-ha!

Holy shit!

- Watch it. I gotta heave. - Jesus Christ.

Give me a towel.

Pretty fucking wild.

Holy shit.

Not as wild as that night we banged three stewardesses in Manila.

Bet you didn't get it on like that in that jerk-water college you graduated from.

How long are you going to hang around Seattle?

Get ready, man. This one is gonna blow you away.

Nothing you do is ever going to surprise me. Ha-ha-ha.

- Tell me. - I joined the Navy.

- You joined the Navy? - That's right. I joined the Navy.

I'm on my way over to Port Rainier now, this officer's training school over there.

- What for? - Jets. I want to fly jets.

This place is only a couple of hours from here. Maybe you want to come visit. All right?

Who put that idea in your head?

- Nobody. It just come to me. - Ha-ha-ha.

Heh, what's so funny?

Ha, ha. You, man. It's like saying you're going to run for fucking president.

For Christ's sake, look at yourself.

Officers don't have tattoos.

- Look, I'll see you, man. All right? - Hey.

- Zack, don't be pissed off. - I'm not pissed off.

Yeah, you are pissed off. Come on. I'm on your side.

I don't want to see you do something you're going to regret.

You gotta give six years to the Navy if you want to fly.

Six fucking years with the most uptight assholes God put on this earth.

Officers, man, they're not like you and me. They're a different breed.

You know what this sounds like?

Sounds like you're afraid you might have to salute me some day, chief.

- Bullshit. Why would I be afraid of that? - I don't know. It sounds that way.

You want some fatherly bullshit, a pat on the back.

From you? No. Heh.

Thanks for my graduation present. See you around.

Zack, don't go away mad. Hey, babe. Zack, come on.

Zack!

Fall in!

I said, fall in, you slimy worms!

Put your toes on the edge of that chalk line!

I said, put your toes on the edge of this chalk line, you slimy worms!

Attention!

I don't believe what I'm seeing.

Where have you been all your lives, at an orgy?

Listening to Mick Jagger music and bad-mouthing your country, I bet.

Stop eyeballing me. You're not worthy of looking your superiors in the eye.

- Use peripheral vision. Understand? - Yes, sir.

Every time I say "understand," I want the whole group to say, "Yes, sir."

- Understand? - Yes, sir!

I know why most of you are here.

I'm not stupid.

Before you get to sell what we teach you over at United Airlines...

...you've got to give the Navy six years of your lives, sweet pea.

Lots of things can happen in six years. Another war can come up in six years.

If you're too peaceful a person to dump napalm on an enemy village...

...where there might be women and children...

...I'm going to find that out.

- Understand? - Yes, sir!

Hi, son.

How are you doing, sarge?

What did you call me?

- Pardon? - What did you call me, boy?

- I called you "sarge." - Before that.

- I didn't call you anything. - You said, "How are you?"

I am not a ewe, boy. A ewe is a female sheep.

- Is that what you think I am, boy? - No.

- No, sir! - No, sir.

- Louder, sweet pea. - No, sir!

You want to fuck me up the ass? Is that why you called me a ewe, boy?

- Are you a queer? - Hell no, sir.

- Where are you from? - Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, sir.

Ah!

Only two things come out of Oklahoma.

Steers and queers.

Which one are you, boy?

I don't see no horns, so you must be a queer.

- No, sir. - Stop whispering.

- You're giving me a hard-on. - No, sir!

- Were you laughing at me, dick brain? - No, sir!

Better stop eyeballing me, boy.

I'll rip your eyeballs out of the sockets and skull fuck you to death.

- Yes, sir! - What's your name, boy?

Mayo. Zack Mayo, sir.

How did you slip into this program? I didn't know the Navy was so hard up.

You got an injury there, Mayo?

Not exactly, sir.

Hey. This is really wonderful work. Where did you get this, Mayo?

- Subic Base, Philippines, sir. - Ah.

Thought I recognized the work.

Be proud of them wings. They're the only ones you're gonna leave here with...

...Mayonnaise.

- What's your name, boy? - Emiliano Santos Della Serra, sir.

Mm-hm. You don't say. Are you a college boy, Della Serra?

Yes, sir. Math major, sir. Graduated from Texas Tech with honors, sir.

I see.

Do you see this cane, Della Serra? See the notches near the handle?

There's a notch for every college puke, like you...

...who I got to D.O. R, that's drop on request, from this program.

And the first one I'm going to carve out of this class is you, Emiliano.

I expect to lose half of you before I'm finished.

I will use every means necessary, fair and unfair, to trip you up.

To expose your weaknesses as a potential aviator and human being.

- Understand? - Yes, sir!

The prize at the other end is a flight education worth $1 million.

But first you've got to get past me.

Hey, Paula! It's 5:00! Where's the goddamn whistle?

Three.

Oh, shit.

Whoo!

Come on, Paula. Let's go. Turn that thing off.

Next.

Oh, shit.

Now, this is my idea of an ass bandit.

Wait till some of the local girls get a look at you, scrotum head.

Heh, scrotum head.

You think that's funny, Worley?

Not all the obstacles that can trip you up are on this base.

Let me tell you something about the local girls.

Ever since there's been a naval base here...

...there's been what you might call the Puget Sound debs.

That's poor girls coming across the sound on the ferry every weekend...

...with just one thing in mind.

And that's to marry themselves a naval aviator.

You want me to leave You want me to stay

A Puget deb will tell you, "Don't worry about contraceptives.

I got that all taken care of." Don't you believe a word of it.

A Puget deb will do and say anything to trap you.

I know this sounds silly to you, especially in this modern age...

...but you college pukes had better watch out, because they're out there...

...and you, sweet peas, are the answer to their dreams.

Treat me right

Treat me right

Open your eyes, maybe you'll see the light

Oh, treat me right

All right, hurry up! On the double now!

You lard asses, I'm going to fix you.

Come on! Get up there! Quick! On the double, Mayonnaise!

Come on! Little-girl poopies to the left, little-boy poopies to the right.

Come on, let's go. What a motley bunch. Get in there.

All right, quick. On the double!

How's it going?

You got to be kidding. How do they expect me to get down in there?

- One of you want to switch bunks? - Those are assigned.

Yeah, I don't think we can.

- Who the hell is that guy? - Your mom and dad for the next 13 weeks.

All right, fall out! Get outside, on the double. Come on out here!

Quick! Out the door! On the double!

Quick! Quick! Quick! More! More! More!

You and you, get down and give me 50. Count them.

Count them!

You think there's truth to what he said about those girls?

- Shh. - Puget debs?

- Sure there is, sweet pea. - Still?

Should have warned you female types about the Puget dudes.

They say they're wearing a rubber, but there's a hole in the bottom.

- Heh. Very funny, Mayo. - Seeger! Mayo! Worley!

If you got energy to run those sewers...

...get over there and give me 50! On the double! Right now!

All right, poopie-asses, get your faces down there!

Pump them out! You women better not expect special privileges.