Columbo

It's a whole different attitude.

I mean, I believe that this is gonna make a new man out of me.

I'm skipping beer, giving up the cigars...

Now she's thin again.

That's how he was. He wanted to do everything right now.

Can I ask you a personal question?

What do you do with all that money?

What do you mean, "reputation"?

Did your husband have any health problems?

Get off my back, Milo.

All right. Now, let me have my coffee first.

He's quite a character, isn't he?

And those cigars you smoke...

they're gonna kill you.

Mr. Janus' office.

Jess. Buddy. Did I catch him in?

You did, but he's on the other line.

When he gets off, have him call me at the Chatsworth place.

And, Jess, it's kind of important.

Critical important or urgent important?

It's both.

Right.

Arnold...

don't tell me about mark-ups.

These people paid a lot of money for a Milo Janus franchise...

and they're going to pay a lot more to operate them.

Hfhat are you telling me?

I'm telling you...

to raise the price to $288 a gross. Two gross minimum.

Two gross? Where do you want the money?

That's right, Arnold. I want the money deposited in my New York account.

And, Arnold, my accountant is checking the books, so don't be late.

All right.

All right, Arnold. Til talk to you on Friday.

Yes?

Mr. Castle called, Mr. Janus.

He's at the Chatsworth spa. He'd like you to call him right away.

Call him back for me, will you? And Jessica, don't record this one.

Yes, sir.

Hi, Mr. Janus.

Hey, Charlie. How's it going?

- Not bad. - Say, you're looking good.

He still in the office?

He's got files all over the place.

You want me in there with him?

No, I think it's better if I talk to him alone.

Milo, talking is not gonna help.

We'll see.

Hello, Gene.

Milo Janus.

Milo...

you're a thief.

Now, what kind of a greeting is that?

Did your boy Castle tell you to come up here?

I thought he would.

I should have torn his head off.

Calm down, Gene. Stress is bad for your blood pressure.

There's nothing wrong with my blood pressure.

It's my bank account that's worrying me.

You've got a nice racket going, Milo.

So smooth.

Gene, why don't you please tell me what's bothering you?

This is what's bothering me.

An invoice from the Green Eagle Gym Equipment Corporation.

$2,650.

And I can buy the same stuff from a discount house half-price, retail.

But not the same quality.

Get off my back, Milo. You own that company.

And...

Sentry Office Supplies. And Lewis Furniture Company.

Gene, I told you when you bought this franchise...

that you were going to have to deal with certain suppliers.

Now, I told you that, Gene.

All owned by you.

My mark-up is very small but I have to maintain quality.

- That's what gives me control. - You've got control, all right.

In the meantime I'm being bilked.

Me and all the other suckers who plunked down $150,000...

for one of these...

second-rate operations.

Where does the money go, Milo? What happens to the money?

Advertising. Promotion.

Every cent that I make is reinvested in the company.

When I grow, Gene, you grow.

Bull.

Now, you may be able to fool those other suckers, but not me.

No chance.

I didn't spend 18 years as corporate controller for nothing.

And I can smell flim-flam right down to the paper clips...

you make me buy.

And I'm gonna prove it. It's here someplace.

And I'm gonna stay at this desk till I find it.

I don't care if it takes a weekend, a week, a month...

but I'm going to find it.

Gene, I don't know what you're talking about. I have no secrets from you.

Oh, really?

How about...

Bolingbrooke Travel Corporation, Bristol, England?

I stumbled on that almost by accident.

That's how you're getting the funds out of the country, isn't it, Milo?

I can smell it.

I really don't know what you're talking about.

All right. But when I get things put together...

you can explain it all to the Securities and Exchange Commission.

In the meantime...

I'm gonna get the rest of these suckers together...

and we're gonna start a class-action case against you.

And between the SEC and us...

I'm gonna hook you, Milo.

Gene, you're working too hard.

That's what's wrong with you. You need some rest.

I'm serious.

Have a nice day.

Well?

Don't worry about it.

Look, he said he's working late, after closing.

You want me to stick around, keep an eye on him?

No, let him work. He won't find anything.

And in eight months, I'm gonna be in my villa overlooking the Adriatic...

with two million in Swiss francs to keep me warm.

Buddy, relax, will you? You worry too much.

To show you how much that guy bothers me let's throw a little party tonight at my house.

Invite that little girl. What's her name?

- Frieda. - Invite Frieda.

Charlie's got us a horror film. X-rated and uncut.

See you at my place, huh?

Hey, young lady, what are you still doing here? I thought you'd be home by now.

I didn't know if you'd still be needing me, sir.

You usually call if I can go.

Well, I didn't call, actually, because I'm a devious man...

and I wanted to talk to you.

I'm having a little get-together at my place and if you don't have any other plans...

I won't by 6:30.

Good.

I have to go and see Howard Parker around 7:30.

I don't know how long that's gonna take.

So I think it would be a good idea if you filled in for me until I get there.

You don't mind driving yourself out to the house, do you?

I think I can handle that.

Good.

You know, there's one thing that bothers me about you.

What's that?

You're a little unsure of yourself.

I'm very unsure. But I'm encouraged by your response.

Key?

It's in the mailbox by the door.

Right.

I think Til file today's tapes.

That's all right, let me do that.

I want you to get to the house by 8:30, okay?

How's 8:15?

Hi, Jessica.

Gene Stafford. Can I speak to him?

Hi, Jessica.

Gene Stafford. Can I speak to him?

Hello, Gene.

How did you get in here?

Well, I thought I'd stop by...

and try and help you answer some of those questions.

Well, I'm doing just fine without your help, thank you very much.

How did you get in here?

With the master key.

I have one to all my franchises. Sometimes it comes in handy.

Well, you can just help yourself right out the door.

Bits and pieces.

That's all I had a week ago. Nothing really damaging.

But now, it's starting to all fit together.

You're sharp, Milo.

Oh, you're sharp.

But once you wipe away all that camouflage...

it still adds up to grand larceny.

Grand larceny?

Come Monday morning this neat little world of yours is gonna...

come crushing down on your skull.

And it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

That stuff will kill you, Gene.

Oh, I'm afraid not.

I plan to live for a long, long time.

I'm afraid not.

So, anyway...

Lennie gets me off to the side...

and he says to me, "Buddy, what are you trying to do to me?"

He knew what you were trying to do. He just wanted to hear you admit it.

Listen, if I had any scruples, you think I'd be in this racket?

This is worse than that real estate deal in San Diego...

if you can believe that.

Hey, host! It's about time.

Hey, I'm really sorry I'm late.

When does the show start?

Hey, Buddy was telling me how much trouble you had getting this print.

Yeah. Hey, listen, I'm sorry I'm late.

- But you know that creep Parker? - The automobile dealer?

Yeah, well, he said he wanted to talk to me about opening a store...

so I drove all across this town and the creep is closed.

Can you imagine? Driving across the town for nothing?

I'll be with you in a minute.

Hey, you thirsty?

Yeah, could I have some orange juice?

Please. Some Vitamin C.

Hello.