The Muppets

Ok, ladies. I Beyoncé, you're back-up.

So... back up!

More...

- More. - We call it "Mustache TV."

- Yeah? - Yeah, yeah. You see...

I put a mustache anywhere I please.

- Yep. - Any old place.

- And then we wait for... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She looks like a little pink Alex Trebek.

I know Trebek.

What is "Do you guys ever do any work around here?"

Uhh...

So, this branding guy from the network is still lurking around, okay?

He does not like when we goof off.

Which is why we make sure to double down on the goof.

Uh, sorry, we'll get back to work right away, okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Peace and bless, fools.

- "Peace and bless, fools". - That was dead-on. Yeah?

Yeah? Well, I'm pretty good at mimicking voices.

I dated this parrot named Eric, and he taught me how.

Hey, do Pache again.

- Yeah, yeah. Mas Paches. Mas Paches. - Come on, come on.

Peace and bless, fools.

Boy, I really do love watching Piggy dance.

You know, I've been impressed with her lately.

She committed herself to growing as a person...

it really makes her shine.

Although, it could just be the sweat, uh...

She's really working it.

- Oh! - Ooh! Oh! Piggy!

- Is she all right? - I'm okay, I'm okay.

- Oh, gnarly. - Just gonna walk it off.

Whoa!

- Ow! - Oh!

Nothing a Band-Aid won't fix!

Okay, come on, come on.

- Places! Places, everybody. - Oh, not good. Passing out. Passing out.

Ooh!

- Yeah! - Unh!

- Oh, Kermie! - Aww. It's time to get things started.

Ha ha ha!

Start the music again!

I'm still rehearsing. Come on! Let's do this thing!

Why's everybody just standing around?

Piggy! Piggy, Piggy, Piggy. Listen, you have got to go to the hospital.

- Look at your leg. Look down. - No, no, no. I never look down, Kermit.

- Always play to the back of the theater. - No, no, no, no, no. Deadly! Deadly!

I need some help here! Piggy, don't... don't put weight on that. Piggy, Piggy.

I've been through injuries with Piggy before.

For someone who loves attention, she's weirdly averse to medical attention.

That's from her days as a chorus girl. Check the foot.

Pretty nasty. Yeah.

- What? - Passing out.

- What? No. Bobo, no, no. Uh, uh, aah! - Passing out.

Oh, no, look out! Aah!

Come along now, Piggy. The hospital's not so bad.

Uh, they have those fun, kitschy vending machines.

And I'll bet they have Bugles corn chips.

Oh, like I don't have some of those in my purse.

Yeah, you got her, Deadly?

- Hey! - Aah! Aah! Aah!

- Please. Come on. - Hey, bro.

You corral the pig, and I'll take over the show.

So what she misses Willie Nelson tonight?

I got a super-fine deejay chick who can guest host.

I have her cornered! Somebody bring a butterfly net!

No, no, no, Pache. Definitely please don't do that.

- Don't... don't do anything. - Okay.

I will figure out how to handle the show, okay?

Right, or I'll just do what I said before you talked.

- But you... - Oh, well, I'll need this back by Friday.

I'm going to a meadow.

Hey, guys. Uh, listen, could you please keep an eye on Pache

while I take Piggy to the hospital? I don't want him futzing with the show.

- Okay. - Okeydoke.

- Thanks, guys. - Hyah!

I got an eye on him right now.

Piggy: I don't need a doctor.

- Sit down in the seat here. - Just gonna get you over here.

- Ooh. - It will be fine.

Piggy, look!

Grandma's Cookies.

You like those.

I hate everything right now...

- cookies, grandmas, everything. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know.

Oh, I might have those Fig Newtons, though.

Ah, there you go.

Let me just go get some change out of the car. Be right back.

- Oh, no, no, no, no. - Come on. That is not going to work.

Now, look, look, look. Could you just work with me here?

I'm trying to get you fixed up and back to the show befo...

- Before what? - Before Pache

- brings in that deejay to guest host. - Guest host?!

- No! - Deadly!

- You didn't tell her?! - No, I didn't tell her.

What is your job, anyway, frog?

Senior VP of Avoiding and Omitting?

- Lies are toxic, Kermit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why I live a 100% transparent life.

No guest host. No, no.

- Piggy. Piggy. Piggy! - No, no, no!

- Focus. - No, no, no, no!

- Now, come on, Piggy, will you just... - Focus!

On the encased treats just waiting to be set free.

Yeah, yeah, do that! Uh, listen, Deadly. Just look after her.

I'm gonna get you checked in, okay?

Just wait right here. Here we go. I'll be right back. There we are.

- Excuse me, sir. - Yeah?

- I need to check in my friend. - Mm.

Piggy asked that you give her weight in stone

so it's indecipherable.

Deadly, I told you to watch her. She...

Oh, no. Piggy.

They're coming. Crank it, grandpa!

You'll never catch me! See ya, suckers!

Step on it.

- Boy, I wish I knew what he was saying. - Yeah, I know.

Hey, Carl, can you use them things on the top of your head?

They look like they should be able to hear stuff real good.

They're vestigial!

We promised Kermit we would not let Pancho futz with the show.

Right there... that's futzing.

- Yeah. - Yes, it is.

Oh, we got to get his phone. Anybody got, like, an oversized magnet?

'Cause I could hold it, I could walk by Pache,

and all of his piercings would come flying out.

That would get his attention.

I'm getting so anxious. I'm sweating in all of my pits.

- Yeah. - Yeah, we got to get that phone.

I got this.

Where's he going? What's he doing?

- Uh, excuse me. - Hey! What...

Oh.

You know what? Thank you, fur creature.

I needed an upgrade anyways.

iPhone 7, here I come!

Now what?

- Get him! - Get him!

Hey, what are you doing?! What are you... No!

No!

Hey, what is this song? What is...

Oh, oh, I think he's getting a call!

Hey, hey, hey, turn it up. I love that song.

Dr. Davis...

Please, stop! Have you no mercy?!

Okay, I can't take this anymore. I-I've got to go hold her hand or something.

Oh, very well.

- Stop it. - Piggy?

Give me those lashes!

- Mine! Mine! - Miss Piggy!

No one is going to see you, anyway.

You're not doing your show tonight.

I have to operate on that leg, and you can't wear makeup during surgery.

- Surgery? - No show?

- No makeup?! - Oh!

Hey, Swamp Thing! Let me out of here!

No, Pache! It's my job to make sure you stay in there until...

What's the plan again?

- Uh... - Uh...

Uh, well, you know how sometimes we do things

without thinking them through, and they turn out great?

- Yeah! - Yeah,

we're not sure this is one of those times.

No.

- Uh... - Uh-oh.

Oh, guys, guys, that's the fifth call.

If Pache doesn't answer his phone soon,

people are gonna get suspicious.

It's ringing again.

- Oh, boy. - It's ringing again.

Oh, boy.

Wait a minute. I've got an idea.

- Are you in there? - I'm... I'm still looking!

Geez, it's like an episode of "Hoarders" in here.

Wait, wait, wait. Pull me up! Pull me up!

Okay, we're bringing you in. Bringing you in.

- Come on! - Okay.

- There we go! - We got him!

Yo, yo. Go for Pache.

It is not a dry heat in there.

Uh, so, I just got off the phone with the network,

and no matter what I said, they won't air a rerun.

Oh, so they decided to go with my idea of a slide show

of Miss Piggy hairstyles through the decades, hmm?

Uh, well...

Look, Piggy.

I'm just gonna be straight with you, okay?

And, uh, you'll probably get really, really mad

and throw stuff, so I-I'm just gonna do it from over here.

Um...

they're gonna go ahead and use Pache's deejay guest host.

- This is a nightmare! - Aah! I-I know, I know.

How come there's no box of tissues hitting the blinds?

Aw, Piggy.

You know, i-i-it's only one show.

It's more than that.

Kermie, I grew up on a farm.

When one of us broke a leg, they were taken away and never came back.

- Ooh. - My mom would tell me not to be sad,