On Becoming a God in Central Florida

‐Previously... ‐You're giving me money?

Investing it in the park's future: Splashercize.

You're the reason Ernie quit. That FAM scam.

You're a goddamn hero.

Ah!

‐ ‐ I...

‐I feel like crap about that. ‐And yet, you're asking for his job.

This has got to be fraud.

But we need evidence if this story's gonna sell.

You need to stay close to this Bonar guy

to know when he's gonna meet with Obie.

There's no reason for an arrangement

of chrysanthemums that size except to cover a podium.

Buck Bridges is planning a rally, sir.

I will contact you when you're nee‐‐ if you're needed.

Hey, hey, hey! Don't you want to take it for a spin?

A plan to expand the Garbeau System.

That old water park in

- ‐your girlfriend's scrapbook. - ‐ Yes.

I talked to the owner this afternoon.

He is ready to sell.

Krystal won't be anything.

Excuse me, sir?

Fuck this!

Open up, Stan.

Wake up.

Everybody knows you've been sleeping in there.

Krystal to Stan.

Excuse me.

We need to talk.

You need a license to operate the ride.

‐So do you. ‐I have a license.

I got it in '74. It was the best summer of my life.

You can't sell the park, Stan.

The flame of the Van Grundegaard name

will extinguish at this park.

It is time to sell.

‐Now put the ride back on. ‐No.

‐Do it. ‐I need a license

‐to operate this ride. ‐Do it or you're fired.

I'm gonna lose my job anyway if you sell to Obie Garbeau.

You're the one who brought FAM into this park.

You can deal with the consequences.

If I keep pouring money into this, I'm...

I'm just buying myself a divorce.

Wait, you're sleeping here

'cause Janice is upset about money?

Amongst other things.

That's what ruined my marriage.

I mean, I tried, you know. I really did.

But if I don't choose a ship, they're both gonna sink.

Travis never had a chance to get to that point.

Maybe it's better that way.

It wasn't.

How much is Obie offering?

What if I got you another bidder?

Yeah. Sure.

Krystal will be thrilled, sir.

She was just saying that...

Krystal won't be anything.

I talked to the owner this afternoon.

He is ready to sell.

Krystal will be thrilled, sir.

She was just saying that...

Krystal won't be anything.

‐Are you fucking crazy? ‐Jesus.

What are you listening to?

Oh, I was feeling aimless this morning,

so I decided to make my way through

Travis's Americana FAM‐O'Rama collection.

Wow.

That's a great collection.

There's a part where Obie tells his joke

about the, um, the squirrel who plays golf with God,

but then he turns it into a ten‐minute lesson

about spanking your kids.

Can't wait.

Yeah.

Big plans today?

Roger's training me this morning. But after that,

I hope me and Roger are gonna mess with Buck Bridges's rally.

What about you? What are you doing today?

You know.

Work. Rebel Rapids.

- ‐Sounds fun. - ‐

Oh! That's Roger.

Have a good day.

‐ ‐Roger!

I thought you were going falconing with Roger today.

Something came up.

Roger will be very disappointed.

Roger does not emote.

I've got him training up the Bonar boy today.

How does Roger feel about you bringing Cody in?

He may not emote,

but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel, Obie.

Is Cody moving onto the premises?

Haven't decided yet.

Well, do you think maybe we could have a conversation

before you do decide?

Do you have a problem with Cody?

The boy has got

spunk and vision and loyalty.

I'm sure he's very sweet,

but aren't you worried about Krystal?

Cody knows what he has to do.

Obie. They're in love.

Let me help you.

It's a beautiful day.

Right?

Are you more like a‐a sunny guy or, like,

you like the rainy days?

What is it you're listening?

It's interesting.

What's this?

‐ ‐

What's that for?

Wow. I mean, that's a really

thick glove, Roger. You know?

Can't do much in this glove.

Okay! Let's do this!

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm excited.

It's like,

you know, it's like Obie is the Lone Ranger,

and I'm Tonto.

And you're also Tonto.

You never served, did you?

Served what?

You don't know what I'm talking about.

‐Yes, I do. ‐What am I talking about?

‐Serving. ‐Serving what?

Jinx.

‐ ‐No.

‐Yes. I jinxed you. ‐No, you didn't.

Y‐Yes, we both said the same thing.

We didn't say it at the same time.

There are rules.

Who's your best friend?

Mine's Obie.

All you got to do is stick with the beat.

You will sail if you hit those rhymes on the beat.

- ‐Do you understand? - ‐ I don't understand.

- ‐So this is a song? - ‐ Eleanor,

I wish I had time to explain the culture to you, but I don't.

Please. I don't want to do this.

You're gonna get a laugh. You're gonna get a big laugh.

They're gonna love it. They're gonna eat it up.

So, with me, in time.

You said I could sing the anthem.

Eleanor, I'm gonna take five.

‐We'll make that ten. ‐Okay.

"Have info on Obie. What's it worth to Buck?"

Who's in there?

Hello?

He is going to dilute the market.

I've got to have a strategy as divisive as his.

A plan to expand the Garbeau System.

And I can't think small. I got to think big.

Oh, wait.

I know you.

You're Boner's girlfriend, right?

What are you doing in here with a baby?

Why are you eating?

On break.

I got something Buck Bridges might want.

- ‐Well, I can't pee now. - ‐

Thanks a lot.

‐He's your upline, right? ‐

Something like that. What's it to you?

Him and Obie hate each other, right?

Bonar tell you that? 'Cause Buck talks all the time

about how great Obie is.

Hmm.

What's your game, lady? What are you playing at?

‐I just want to talk to the man. ‐What's on the tape?

Obie talking, about secret business affairs.

He's about to make a big purchase,

and I thought your guy might want to buy it before Obie does.

Can I see that for a second?

No.

Just talk to your guy and let me know what he has to say.

Well, don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.

Your butt.

Cute baby. Boy or girl?

Heavens to meezy, who taught you how to fade like that?

I saw it on TV.

Go to your room, Harold.

Let me finish this petal. You're gonna look ridiculous.

Please let those dry.

You got it.

Gonna be hot at the park in that getup.

Well, there's something you should know.

I don't work at Rebel Rapids anymore. I work for myself now.

Don't do this, Ernie.

It's already done. I resigned.

You better take your honey biscuits down there

and un‐resign.

We make these decisions together.

You're right, I should have been honest with you.

That's what I'm doing now. Everything's on the table.