Grace and Frankie

Oh, yeah, the little tiller.

These things are the best. And I'll tell you why.

One of the things these do is they cut ground up

- and make it easy for you to shovel... - What the...?

Hey, Mom? Mom?

Mom? Hey, Mom. Do you have a rototiller?

Well, dang, the rototiller's in the shop.

You'll have to use my plow.

And don't you forget to put Buttercup back in the stable when you're done.

Mom, you know, I'm doing all of this, all of this, for you.

Yeah, well, honey... Why are you doing this to me?

- For you. - What did I say?

I'm back from the beach!

Ugh. That boy's gonna help me to death.

If he's going to be here all the time, can he do something we actually need?

Like get my shoe out from under the bed?

You know what I really need?

A pair of good strong arms to help me out of the tub.

Of course I'd have to bathe in a bathing suit.

I can't get clean that way.

I suppose I could buy a bikini,

but I don't want him to see me in a bikini either.

Maybe Bud needs a nice mother-son night out on the town.

How about tonight? I bet there's a Pink Floyd laser show

someplace in San Diego tonight.

Well, first of all, it's in Bakersfield this week.

And get your feet away from my fruit! No!

And second, I'm not going out.

I'm rehearsing here tonight with my Tuvan throat-singing group.

Uh-uh. No. No, you're not.

- I made snacks... - Please.

I want the house tonight. You can sleep in your room,

but just stay out of the main house.

Wait. Is tonight the night?

If you mean, "Is Guy coming over tonight?" then yes.

- For sex? - For dinner.

- And sex? - Okay. I'm gonna go to Guy's.

No, no. Do it here.

The girls and I can meet at Narantsetseg's house.

You have not had sex in a very long time.

- - Clang, clang! Bud's out here!

Hearing you ladies!

Wanting to kill himself! Please stop.

Can we stop talking about this now?

Why are you freaking out?

Break down your emotions for me.

Annoyance. Irritation...

No, that's what you're feeling about me.

I'm talking about tonight.

Are you nervous that this will be the first time in 40 years

that a straight man will see you naked?

No, because the lights'll be off.

Matter of fact, I'm going to turn off all the lights in San Diego.

What about vaginal dryness? Are you worried about that?

I am now.

You have two options. Either Brianna's room...

Why don't I just use the dining room table?

I have all of our wedding stuff on the dining room table.

I'll use a corner of the den.

Sol. This room would make a perfect office.

- Or I can work from my car. - What is the problem with Brianna's room?

- Brianna. - What?

She scares me. Okay? Your daughter is terrifying.

I don't want to give her any reason to kill me in my sleep.

Sol!

And as our bodies age,

our vaginas stop producing their natural lubricants.

You are just going to keep talking about my vagina, aren't you?

- I want to show you something. - No, please, no.

Oh! You are such a prude.

It's my secret weapon.

No, please, no.

Frankie's homemade yam lube.

- That's a lubricant?! - Yeah.

- I've been putting that on my toast! - Well, that's fine, actually.

My gynecologist says you should not put anything in your vagina

that you would not put in your mouth.

I call it "vagacadabra." I'm gonna whip you up a batch.

- My yam man is coming today. - Wait a minute, you have a yam man?

My friend, Jacob. He's an organic grower and one of my top twelve favorite people.

This is my first time with Guy, okay?

I don't want to break out the bells and whistles and... yams.

It's not a dildo, honey. It's a facilitator, that's all.

I also make dildos.

Oh, my God.

Ah...

Oh, God. How do you do it?

Passion. And some really high quality cow shit.

- What are all these yams for, anyway? - I'm making a lube for my roommate's...

Car! It's lube for my car.

The... the pistons are...

- It's for my car. -

- Grace, meet my friend, Jacob. - Hey.

Frankie has told me so much about your sweet potato booth.

That's odd, seeing as how I'm a yam man.

- Aren't they the same thing? - Rookie mistake.

- Vastly different creature. - See, sweet potatoes are actually dicots.

And the yam is a prime example of a monocot.

Mm-hmm. God's tuber.

Don't I feel like an idiot.

Well...

Can you make the On Demand happen?

I'm wanting to watch something with Lee Marvin in it,

but I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Why don't you get your boyfriend to do it?

- What? - Mr. Potato Head.

- Who, Jake? - Yeah.

We're just friends.

Just friends? Seriously?

Adult men and women can't be "just friends."

Oh, that's ridiculous. I'm friends with lots of men.

Take my dear friend Tim McGinniss, who gave me my tribal mate gourds.

There's never been the slightest suggestion of romance.

Of course, he lost his wang in Korea.

I don't know about your Korean friend.

But I do know that this "friend" was flirting with you.

"God's tuber."

- He was not. - You know, maybe

if you stop texting your ex-husband every time you feel sad

or you see a funny looking dog,

maybe you'd see that this... farmer likes you.

You think? No.

Him? Really? With me? No.

Although I do have my charms. And a fantastic head of hair.

Oh, but he's a Leo...

Oh, but he's a Leo!

Loretta's service ferret is in the hall again.

God, I hate his little vest.

- Ow! - What you doing over there?

Nothing. Just bills.

Ikea sucks.

You don't have any bills and that's Dad's desk.

Right? I gotta get going. Marching band rehearsal.

Hmm.

Oh, hey, could you take the trash with you on your way out?

- I think it's your turn. - It's whoever leaves first.

And doesn't own the apartment.

- Thanks. - Yup.

- Forgot my backpack. - Of course you did.

- What you doing there? - Hmm?

New workout routine?

Desk lifts?

- Look, man... - What are you doing with my stuff?

- What are you hiding? - Come on, give me my drawer.

So, uh... how are you adjusting to...

to life in safe, boring San Diego?

You know, a few years ago I was doing a piece for National Geographic

in central Africa, and our village was overrun by Congolese rebels.

So we holed up in this hospital.

And I really thought that was going to be the end.

But today, trying to get out of the parking lot at Trader Joe's,

that was the most scared I've ever been in my entire life.

Ah...

Would you like some more wine?

- Oh, please. - Yeah.

You know, they've got an incredible cheese section there.

It's the only place I can find this Swedish cheese made from moose milk.

- You wanna have sex? - Oh, boy, yeah.

Ah! Oh, my neck.

Grace? Can I come in now?

Wait, just a sec.

Okay!

- Oh, boy, it's dark in here. - I know.

Um...

I've got a little night blindness. Could I have a little light maybe?

- Just... - Okay.

Just one sec. Okay, I'm going to turn the light on just for one second.

- And you plan your route, okay? - Okay.

Okay.

- Okay. - Good.

Just that the old memory isn't what it used to be, so...

- Follow the sound of my hand. - Okay.

Ah!

Oh, God. Oh, my God. That... Oh, jeez.

Boy, band practice must've gone really late.

What do you want, Bud?

I swear to God, I will not put up with any of your bullshit.

I'm aware that you have a disease, and that you are recovering,

because there's no such thing as recovered, however...

Come on, man! My balls?!

If you are using, or if you are lying to me,

if you're not going to your meetings, you can just pack up all your stuff

and you can get out of my place I'm letting you stay for free

out of my love for you.

Are you done? Did you get out everything you wanted to say?

"No such thing as recovery... stay for free... love for you..."

- Yeah, I'm good. - I'm not using.

- I'm not lying to you. - Then what is going on, man?

Are you sure that you wanna know?

I don't know.

Yes!

I'm looking for my birth mother.

I knew it!

- Knew what? - Mussed hair, fancy robe,

vague aura of shame... Night moves!

- All right, all right. - Tell me everything. How was it?

Ah, ah. Wait.

- No, excuse me. - Sister, I need details.

Was it good? How long did it last?

You know something? I don't think this is appropriate.