Doom Asylum

- Palm Beach, here we come! - Yeah!

Wooh!

$5 million, Mitch? You're a genius.

Well, how could we lose? It was an open and shut case.

He earned the money, you sued him for it,

and voilá.

I'll never have to do another manicure again.

We'll ship that brat of mine off to boarding school.

Yo-ho-ho!

Whoa! That tickles.

Judy, I love you.

I swear to God I do. You know, we got everything now.

Have you ever been so happy?

Never. I swear, I've never been this happy in my life.

Me too, lover.

No! No!

Judy?

Judy!

Judy, where are...? Judy!

Judy!

Judy.

- Judy. ' (Moans)

It's OK. It's OK, Judy.

Judy!

It's OK.

No!

The doctors, they'll take care of me.

Please don't worry about me.

- (Sobbing) - I love you, Mitch.

- I'll love you forever. - (Sirens wail)

- What do we have today, Marvin? - Mitch Hansen, a palimony attorney.

Car crash. Eurgh!

Isn't he the one that won that big multimillion-dollar lawsuit?

Yes, it is, sir.

Just goes to show you.

Relax, kid.

You've seen one of these, you've seen 'em all.

I am now removing epidermis from frontal to trapezius.

Corning over from malar to mandible.

No visible damage.

Now to maxilla. Minimal damage in maxilla.

Bruises at clavicle.

Get me the saw. Let's get right to it and scoop these brains right outta here.

Uh, sir?

What? What?

Sir, I think that may be a little bit premature.

This man...

- This man... - What?

He's not dead, sir.

Nonsense. It's rigor mortis. It's just a nervous reaction.

Interns!

Mr. Hansen!

What happened?

Where's Judy?

Judy!

What have you done to Judy?

Sorry, Mr. Hansen, Judy didn't make it.

Tell me what happened to Judy.

Please, no!

No!

'What have you done to Judy?'

Ooh!

Wooh!

Oh, shut up, Darnell.

You're just trying to cover up your own immature fears

with hysterical bravado.

Hell, baby, I'm just getting in the mood.

The coroner's waiting to take me to Beulah Land.

You don't really believe that old story?

How ridiculous!

A man who lurks around a deserted asylum

and kills people with autopsy tools?

Sure!

Well, what about when those kids came back from here

with their faces slashed, babbling?

And that dude they found in the sewer?

That was just some old burn.

- What about those missing campers? - Look, will you guys be cool?

Well, I mean, if you don't mind.

Are you alright, Kiki?

I guess so. It's just...

just that this is where my mother died.

Do you want me to stop? I will if you want to, Kiki.

Are you sure? I know it's a difficult decision,

and you should go if you want, but if you don't...

Oh, come on, guys.

Is this painful gestalt really necessary?

Right, we'll be back in a flash.

Unless it takes longer.

Maybe we shouldn't go.

Or should we?

Mike?

- Can't you ever make up your mind? - Yeah, sometimes.

I mean, occasionally.

Uh, once in a while.

I'm sure everything's going to be OK, honey.

Your mother was a wonderful lady

and if there's a heaven,

she's got a box seat.

Maybe we ought to go.

Unless you wanna stay?

What is it?

My mother's?

Let's go, assholes!

Come on, guys. She died ten years ago!

I'm hungry-

It will be alright, Kiki.

It will be alright.

At least, I think it will be alright.

After all, you've got me now. I mean, if that's any comfort to you.

I'm not your mother and I never could be.

But I can try.

Can I call you "Mom"?

Sure.

What's that music?

You call that music?

That's Tina and the Tots.

They play the local sewers.

I'll take care of it.

Hey! Hey, where's he going?

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Goddammit!

Where the hell is he?

I don't know.

There.

Looks like we got company.

That bastard!

Oh, shit.

The bourgeoisie are here.

He's kinda cute.

Hey, assholes! Can't you read?

"Do not enter"!

Screw you, Spike Head.

Hey, why don't you consider a job as a porcupine?

Come on, Darnell. Leave them alone.

- We don't want any trouble. - Oh, Mike, don't be such a wimp.

Hey!

Come out with your hands up.

Maybe I should go introduce myself to him.

Bet you got that skirt off quicker last night.

You'll never know.

Boy, the sun looks big today.

What's the matter with you, Darnell?

You haven't said anything since we sat down.

- (Dennis) Yeah. - You know?

That drummer was kinda hot.

Make this fucking scumbag big and hard.

Ha.

A white negro,

a man who has forgotten the peril of his own people,

one who has assimilated to the terror of modern imperialism.

- He's got nice eyes. - Christ!

I think she likes me.

I really think she likes me.

Did you know that Joe and Phil Niekro

are the winningest brothers tandem ever in history?

But what does that mean to you, Dennis?

Gosh.

I don't know.

Why don't you think about it next time before you open your big mouth?

- (Blows raspberry) - Both Jane's parents are psychiatrists.

She really can't help it.

Well, I mean, I don't think she can.

Morn?

Yes, Kiki?

Give me a kiss.

Ah, jeez, Kiki! First you want a kiss and then you don't want a kiss.

- What was that? I heard something. - I don't know.

Oh, my cards! My cards are drenched.

Oh, no!