Galaxina

Infinity log, galaxy date 3008.1.

Captain Cornelius Butt, entry number 1736.

Ohh. We are now on the last leg of our 7-year mission.

We're en route to traffic station number 28,

where we are to police the transgalactic corridor.

Joy and yummies.

"The Infinity" is on auto-control

with Galaxina, prime grade robot class number 11,

on the bridge.

All traffic sensors are on operational red alert.

All primary ship's functions are operational green.

The crew, if you can call them that,

is on its 72-hour rest period.

This is Captain Cornelius Butt. That's enough.

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That was the united galactic network's special program

live from Uranus.

Dame Catherine Wilson sings "selva opaca"

from "William Tell," by Rossini.

We will continue with our regular prog--

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Hey, sarge?

It's an unknown.

Can I turn on the lights and siren?

Sarge, please.

55. It won't do you any good.

What won't do me any good?

Asshole,

don't you know that in space,

nobody can hear your siren?

Oh.

Go ahead.

Contact the ship. Ask them where they're from.

Good idea.

I know.

This is private Robert "buzz" McHenry

of the space police cruiser "Infinity"

contacting the unknown ship.

Please respond.

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Hey, please respond!

This is a space police cruiser!

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I am Ordric from the planet Mordric

in the galaxy of chockpun.

I am on a peaceful mission

to the planet Altair-1.

May I ask the nature of your mission?

No, you may not.

Oh.

Hey, hold on a minute, will you?

Hey, wait a minute!

Well, what are we gonna do now?

Well, not much.

We can't risk starting an intergalactic war, can we?

Heh.

Why don't you go ahead...

Contact the captain, huh?

One captain coming right up.

Infinity log, galaxy date 3008.15,

Captain Cornelius Butt, entry number 1737.

We are in our second cycle of traffic control.

I don't mind saying things have been pretty damn slow.

Anyway, I've just been summoned to the bridge

by that illiterate space cowboy.

Wonder what he wants.

Probably wants me to change his diaper.

However, there is always the possibility

that this call will lead to one of the most exciting adventures

of my or anyone else's career.

Maybe it'll be a mission

that will even change the course of history,

and I will be the leader. Ha ha!

The name of Cornelius Butt will go down in history.

You just wait and see. That's it. End of entry.

What's on your mind,

if you'll forgive the overstatement?

We have an unknown, sir,

who refuses to state the nature of his mission.

I am Captain Cornelius Butt.

This is the space police cruiser "Infinity."

I demand to know the nature of your mission.

My mission is secret.

Where secrecy begins, trouble soon follows.

The heart of all trouble is the human heart.

I'm not going to engage in a battle of wits with you.

I never attack anyone who's unarmed.

As you wish.

Prepare for evasive action.

Follow him.

Engage the power field.

Can I put on the red light, Captain?

You know, kid, you got a bad habit.

You breathe.

Steady.

Steady.

Ok. Now hit him!

Yeah! That's it. Keep cool!

Hit him!

And fire!

Again. Too soon.

Now!

How's our power field?

It's ok.

It's a strange kind of warfare.

Not like the old days, eh, Captain?

Now it all depends on whose power field breaks up first.

And then it's pow!

Too damn technical for me.

She's a good ship, but she's an old one.

Pow!

How's the field holding up?

It's beginning to weaken.

Power. Check Galaxina.

See if we can spare it.

Right.

He's gonna finish us off.

I want to tell you guys that it's been a pleasure serving with you.

Shut up, you earth-colony nitwit.

He's not gonna finish us off.

He just wanted to stun us,

put us out of commission for a while.

Son of a bitch, if we have to die,

does it have to be with that stinking cigar smoke?

We're not gonna die.

He's right.

He can't risk starting an intergalactic war.

If you're right, Sergeant, when we get back,

I'm gonna buy you some decent-smelling cigars.

Of course he's right, you nitwit.

Good.

Now, buzz,

you go on down to the power tunnel,

see how those guys are doing.

I'm gonna go feed the prisoner.

Go ahead now.

Whoops.

I thought you were going down to the power tunnel.

Why can't I ever get to feed the prisoner?

Come here.

You are not supposed to ask why.

Why not?

Because it's a goddamn order!

Now do it.

Yes, sir.

Hi, doll.

Rockeater?

How you doing, furball?

Your visit has climaxed an already dull day, asshole.

Did you hear the one...

Guy who runs up the insane asylum?

He asks the guard if any crazy aliens have escaped.

The guard says, "no. Why?"

And the guy says, "well, somebody ran off with my wife."

Ha ha ha!

What did I do to deserve this?

Ha ha ha.

Ooh.

What's the matter?

Can't you get your crew to listen to your jokes?

You got to come down here and torment me?

You don't think I have enough problems?

Shit!

Boy, what a guy's got to go through just for a meal.

Have a hearty appetite, my friend.

Rockeater.

Huh? Rocks!

Oh, am I hungry.

- Say "ahh." - Shit!

Unh! Ow!

Smile, smile.

Ow!

Is this how you get your rocks off, chief?

Stop, already. Enough!