Say Goodnight

♫This to me is crucial, enough that when I started thinking

♫It indicated something was on

♫In the morning I yawn, take a look in the glass

♫Turn my toothbrush on

♫Excuse me if I refer to this as it but it's soothing

♫And cooling and calming me down

♫When I feel like Michael Douglas in "Falling Down"

♫Like Calgon it takes me away

♫101 nights of great flex

♫I like to keep the words simple about something complex

♫I'm shifting into second gear when I'm racing down the road

♫With my baby blue and a hole in my shoe

♫What is this, what is this

♫Things are happening, quite a bliss

♫The world is shifting

♫Let me out, let me out

♫What is this, what is this

♫Things that happen, don't wanna miss

♫The globe is shifting

♫When the fires burn, turn the knob

♫'Cause that's the way the world turns.

♫What is this, what is this

♫Things are happening, quite a bliss

♫The world is shifting

♫Let me out, let me out

♫What is this, what is this

♫Things that happen, don't wanna miss

♫The world is shifting

♫Let me out, let me out

♫What is this, what is this

♫Things that happen, don't wanna miss

♫The globe is shifting

♫When the fires burn, turn the knob

♫'Cause that's the way the world turns

♫'Cause that's the way the world turns

♫'Cause that's the way the world turns

♫'Cause that's the way the world turns

♫That's the way the world turns

- Okay, would you rather get caught masterbating

to gay porn, or picking your nose and eating it.

- I think I'm gonna have to take picking my nose.

I'm gonna have to go with gay porn.

Oh, Mason, dude really?

- Yeah, masterbating is normal, and if you're gay

then masterbating to guys is normal.

I don't care who you are, you know, eating your boogers

is just nasty.

- You're right, I'm gonna have to jerk off to gay porn.

Okay, I got one.

Would you rather get caught fucking a sheep

or fucking your cousin?

My first cousin?

Of course.

My first cousin being a girl?

Yeah, sure.

Well, who catches me?

Does like a relative catch me?

I don't know, why does it matter?

Well, as long as my mom never finds out,

yeah I'd fuck my cousin.

Hey, if it;s good enough for Einstein.

I'd fuck a sheep.

- What, ew really? - What's wrong with you?

You haven't seen my cousin, okay?

You're a senior in highschool.

Would you rather get caught making out with

the ugliest girl in the freshman class or bust a woody

in a shower room full of naked guys?

Dude, that happened to me one time.

No, no, no,no,no, no, no look in gym class the hottest girl

in school she was wearing this like tight little tee shirt.

What? Hey, fuck you guys.

Like that could never happen to you.

- I know, what a way to start off

a movie right?

It would seem appropriate if you knew these guys.

This is Leroy.

He likes structure in his life, which makes sense

he's an architect.

He's also five years into his ten year plan

which includes buying a house, getting married,

having kids, and making partner at his firm.

Although lately, I'm not so sure if that plan's

working for him.

Mason and I played soccer in highschool.

He got all of these scholarship offers senior year

and then what's he do?

He up and quits the team saying he doesn't want to deal

with the bullshit anymore.

He's a good guy, but I think he's afraid of anything

becoming too real.

I'm not even sure why I'm friends with Victor.

He's kind of angry at the world for fighting him,

which is odd because he started it.

He's great to at parties, but keep him away from any

female family members.

Seriously.

What are you bitching about?

You haven't even called me since the last time

out at Atomic Cowboy.

Atomic Cowboy was like what? Months ago?

Yeah. So, what's doin' boys?

Well,

Shit, you go first.

Yeah, you got first.

Come on, what?

- That night we went Barnapoli, that's where I met

that girl Lily, right?

We were debating Modern Art, specifically--

Such a dork.

Whatever.

We're also talking and even though I thought

what she was saying was kind of bullshit, I couldn't stop

thinking about how absolutely beautiful she is.

Wait, back up, who's Lily?

She's Crystal's friend.

Crystal who?

- Come on, I told you about Crystal.

No.

- Crystal, the craziest girl I ever met

in my entire life, Crystal.

- Dude, I haven't talked to you in months.

I don't know who Crystal is.

- Yes, you do, I met her the same night

we were all over at Atomic Cowboy and Mason met Angela.

Angela?

Wait a second, back up, all three of you guys,

including the guy who's got a girlfriend,

go out and meet chicks the same night

and come to (mumbles) I get nothing?

- Okay, so now you can see we're getting into

this thing where we tell the story in flashback

and pause it so you can hear us here at the bar

talking things over.

And, if I'm also doing this voiceover narration

it's gonna get really confusing so now I'm gonna

leave you to watch the story.

But, I might be back at the end to explain things

if you don't understand it all.

Oh see, that's even better.

Tell 'em how you met Angela and tell 'em about

the contest and what that girl--

- Maybe we shouldn't tell so many people about the contest,

it kinda makes us look like total assholes.

Dude, what are you talking about man?

It's Bernard and Leroy, they already think

we're total assholes, come on tell 'em.

- All right, so that night we were at Atomic Cowboy

and I met this girl Angela

who was just... - No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.

It started off at we were at our apartment,

so Mason and I are trying to come up with this idea

for this competition.

This is so exciting, this has probably got to be

the most genius thing we have ever come up with.

So, okay, what's on the list so far?

Okay, African, Arab.

Yes.

- Asian. - Good.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute we should put East Asians.

What do you mean? That's Asian.

No, cause Russia's in Asia.

Oh perfect, Russian, put Russian down.

- No, no, no there's no race that's called Russian.

They're Caucasian.

- All right, fine, fine, fine, fine put Caucasian down.

- Isn't going to be pretty easy to find a white girl

to sleep with us--

So what? Who cares?

You know, that's the whole point you gotta complete the set.

Like Latino.

You mean Latina, oh Latina.

Yeah, whatever you fucking homophobe.

Indian, now Indian as in Ghandi,

or Indian as in Geronimo?

How about one of each?

Yeah, I don't know man.

I mean I've seen girls from India in Saint Louis,

but I've never seen any Native Americans.

- So what? It'll make the game last longer.

No, it'll make it impossible to win.

- ♫I don't want no 'tang that's hard to find

♫Don't want no tang that's hard to find

- Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine put Native American down,

we'll see.

But, they gotta be over 50% none of this

half and half shit, it doesn't count.

You can't go bang Maria and call that your

fucking Latino girl.

- They've gotta be like two thirds, or whatever,

perfect, good.

- How's somebody going to be two thirds one race

and one third another you fucking dipshit?

What do you mean how?

What do you mean how?

From like their...can I explain?

I'm sorry.

- Okay, from like their grandparents or whatever.

If they got two grandparents that are...listen to me.