Frank vs. God

>>Good afternoon, sir.

We'd like to talk to you about God.

>>All right.

What do you want to know?

>>No.

We'd just like to share the good news that God

has a plan for your life.

>>You know, you seem like nice fellas,

but I think you should leave now.

You wouldn't like Brutus when he's angry.

>>Allow me to ask you one question, sir.

Do you know that God loves you?

>>Hey, let me ask you a question.

Do you believe in heaven?

>>Yes, sir, I do.

>>And do you believe that you, as a believer,

will be among the righteous living in eternal bliss

when you die?

>>Yes, sir, I do.

>>Well, then, allow me to hasten your reward.

>>Who loves you, D?

Lucky for you, I persuaded the church

to drop the charges by assuring them that you're

completely crazy but harmless.

>>Come on.

I was just messing with them.

It wasn't even loaded.

>>David, my friend, why don't you

devote that passion and that fine legal mind

to pursuing real justice?

>>You mean why don't I don't come back

to be a corporate whore?

>>Hey.

I resemble that remark.

>>

>>Really love what you've done with the place.

>>Told you.

Jail was a step up.

>>Come on, man.

It's time to move on.

>>Crazy, sure.

But harmless?

How dare you.

>>Oh, yes!

Yes!

Who's your daddy, huh?

Huh?

Did you miss me?

Come, noble Brutus.

You must be hungry.

Thanks for holding down the fort while I was inside.

I tell you, I what it's like to be in a cage.

That's why I could never put you in a kennel.

There's no way I could incarcerate your soul.

You feel?

Good.

So we're in total accord on that point.

>>Hola, muchacho.

Are you ready to get your ass kicked?

>>Oh, let the games begin.

Oh, you want a welcome?

Dirty!

You know what happens to girls who play that way?

They owe their landlords $850.

That is what I'm talking about.

>>Whatever.

You're still my bitch.

>>Because you are a ruthless capitalist.

Face it-- you are the man.

>>Hey.

I work for a living.

I ain't got no time for losers who can't pay their rent.

>>I didn't realize you were such a Republican.

>>I'm not.

I'm a libertarian.

>>I just don't get what a smart girl like you

is doing turning tricks.

>>I don't get what a big-shot lawyer's

doing sitting around the house and acting like a homo.

>>What, you think I'm gay?

>>I don't know many straight guys

paying me for my stimulating conversation.

>>You mean abuse.

Your conversation's about as stimulating

as a kick in the nuts.

>>Oh.

>>Pass Go.

Collect $200.

>>You sure you don't wanna mess around or something?

>>No.

Thanks.

>>Weird.

>>Same time next week?

>>Uh, I'm gonna be gone next week.

>>Where you going?

>>I'm gonna see my niece in Ocala.

>>I didn't know you had a niece.

>>Yeah.

Lucy.

She's nine.

She's, uh-- she's a little knucklehead.

So.

Just, uh-- just feed him and, uh, let him out twice a day.

Make sure he's got plenty of food and fresh water.

And, uh-- and that's about it.

It's a-- it's a pretty easy gig since I-- I killed

the plants a long time ago.

It's a-- it's a long story.

Come here, boy.

>>Uncle David!

>>Hey!

Oh.

It's good to see you.

>>

>>How is she doing?

>>Not so great.

We're looking at another round of chemo, maybe

a marrow transplant.

>>You know, if you need some money--

>>Look, all I know is that little girl in there

adores you.

So why don't you quit your yapping

and get washed up for supper?

>>Dear Lord, please bless all your children and all those in

need tonight.

And we ask that you bless Lucy with strength and with health.

And we thank you so for all your many blessings, Lord.

Please bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies

and our bodies to your service.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

>>Amen.

>>Holy crap!

>>--from the Atlantic with winds of nearly 120 miles per hour.

And meteorologists are warning it could carry tornadoes as far

inland as the Orlando area.

>>This is David Frank calling again!

I really need someone to call me back urgently!

Come on you little brat.

Answer the damn phone!

>>Isn't there anyone else you can call?

Brutus?

Brutus, if you can hear me, press the speaker button.

Come on, boy!

Press the speaker button, boy!

Come on, boy.

Come on, Brutus.

You can do it!

Button!

>>Good dog!

Good dog!

OK, daddy's coming.

It's gonna be OK.

Hang tight.

I'm sorry, but I really gotta go, OK?

OK.

>>Evacuations are in effect.

Residents are encouraged to seek shelter or head inland

to safety.

>>Come on, people!

Come on!

>>He's not stopping.

>>Listen to me.

My associate is trapped inside my house.

Comprende?

He is disabled and needs my assistance.

>>Now, look.

You listen to me, sir.

No one is going into that area except qualified search

and rescue teams.

Now if you tell us your address, we'll

try to send a team in to rescue your friend.

Sir, can you please tell us where your house is?

>>Right there.

That's my house.

>>Oh, hell no.