Downward Dog

Martin: But, I mean,

there was a fly in my water for three days.

Like, on that

on that, I have some legitimate cause for concern.

I base my whole day on Nan's schedule.

Like, she's like,

"Oh, 7:00's the time for breakfast."

Martin, stop it. I'm like, "Great."

7:00's great, even though it's not my preference."

But then it was actually, like, 7:30 or 8:00.

I just don't feel very respected,

like, as a being.

And, like, I don't want to come off as,

like, hypercritical or something, but...

we used to go on walks

like, actual walks, and...

Whereas now, she kind of just, like,

shoves me out in this little prison yard

and acts like that somehow counts as connection time.

It's a big day today, Martin.

Say, "Good luck, Mama."

Say, "Good luck, Mama."

Your ideas are smart and funny and oh, so sweet."

Oh, thank you, baby. Thank you, thank you.

And it's one thing that she's, like, gone all the time.

Hang in there, buddy. It's Friday.

It's just, if I felt

like she was doing anything remotely productive,

it would help me be supportive,

like, as her partner.

But every morning, I see her get in her car,

and then when she comes home, she's in the exact same car,

and it's just, like,

I get that it's fun to just drive around all day.

Uh, yeah. I would I would love that, too.

I've actually made that pretty obvious.

And I'm aware that these are kind of,

like, first‐world problems or something,

because, yeah, like, Nan's great.

I'm actually, honestly, deeply obsessed with her.

It's just...

I just think we have a little work to do.

Hey, Gwen.

I have a 10:30 with Kevin.

He's running a minute late.

Great. Kareem!

Okay, I will just I'll hang out, then.

Oh, Nan Hey, I think you have

some kind of animal's fur on your clothes.

Uh‐oh! Nan the man.

Hey.

What do you got for me?

Let me guess one of those girl‐power anthems?

Yeah, well, you know me.

I'm just kidding. Mm.

I'm one of the biggest feminists I know.

Well... good.

Then you're gonna love this pitch.

I don't think Nan has, like, any idea

how packed my days are.

I actually have a lot to accomplish.

Like, for one thing,

the fact that I need 14 hours of sleep,

you know, is not something I should have to feel bad about.

Like, sleep is the foundation of a productive day.

And then there's, like, keeping track of deliveries

and having to manage, like, staff changes there, and...

Look, like like, I worry, you know?

Like, there are a lot of just massive threats

that Nan seems completely unaware of.

For instance, the cat, who not to be racist

but she's just, like, a sociopath,

like like an emotional terrorist.

And I just...

I feel like I just get zero help.

Yeah.

Yeah?

No.

Oh.

Hard pass.

Oh. Um... okay.

Do you have any specific notes or anything I should...

I'm trying to be nice here.

It was a bad idea, okay? Bad idea.

I don't want to have to mansplain this to you.

Alley‐oop!

Oop. Sorry.

You don't think that maybe there's something,

um... you know, kind of powerful

about us telling people how beautiful they are when.

We live in Pittsburgh, last time I checked.

Have you been outside?

Not everyone's beautiful.

Get me something new by Monday.

Monday?

Something, like, Kanye‐tweet level.

All right?

Jenn: Okay.

Yes.

Well, that's it. I quit.

Oh, shut up. No, you don't.

That was the 11th idea in a row that he's turned down.

I am out of ideas now.

And I‐I'm out of booze.

Okay.

Come with me. We'll fix this.

You know, there is always

a bottle of something douchey in here somewhere.

He just moves it around.

"Dope Idea Board."

"Spray‐on condoms."

Random French words.

He has "Baguette" written here.

Hey, did I ever tell you that he bought me

a Black Lives Matter t‐shirt?

Oh, my God.

Mm‐hmm. I know. He was so proud of himself.

I kind of felt bad when I turned him in to HR.

Honesty, the worst part about all this

is how we try so hard to come up with things

that are, like, original...

Mm‐hmm. And creative.

Meanwhile, if I just turned something in with,

like, naked women on it

and vaguely French‐sounding words,

then Kevin would be, like, totally delighted.

Oh, yeah.

Do you think that would work, though?

Oh, it definitely would, but also...

I just feel so gross, like, compromising on that,

you know?

Yeah, but you sell out now, and then,

when you have your own team, you do whatever you want.

Yeah.

Yeah, man. What the hell? I think you're right.

Yeah, I normally am.

I was never the biggest fan of Nan having a boyfriend,

so when we decided

to kind of, you know, ditch Jason or whatever,

like, I was pretty excited to just have her to myself.

And at first, it was awesome, like, for me personally.

It was It was great.

But tonight, like, it just took me off guard.

She's just been so good about coming home on Fridays

for our, like, scheduled cry‐into‐the‐wine time.

And I guess that kind of started to mean a lot to me.

I know Nan didn't mean to be bad.

Like Like, I get it, but I think it's important

for me to draw, like, really clear boundaries.

Like, as the dominant partner,

you know, to say, "Here's a line you can't cross."

Bye!

Good luck with your music!

Go upstairs.

Ow!

Martin?

I'm gonna call him real quick.

But it's fine.

Hey, Jason.

I just wanted to call and tell you

to come and get your stupid motorcycle.

And also, I don't even miss you,

'cause I'm not even very lonely.

So... mm‐kay.

I love you. Bye.

Oopsie.

I'll try again.

Actually, I don't love you, 'kay?

Okay. Love you. Bye.

What did you do?

Bad! You understand?

That's not good!

Not a good choice!

Martin: It's hard, because, like, she can be like,

"Blah, blah, blah, bad dog,

blah, blah, blah," all she wants,

and a part of me wants to be just like,

"You think a shoe was bad?"

Like, I will destroy everything that you love.

"I will tear your world to pieces."

Kim: What's the name?

Oh, sorry. Hi. I'm Nan.

No the dog. What's the dog's name?

Okay. Uh, this is Martin.

Come on up.

Come on.

Um, okay. So, he, uh, uh.

He just decided to chew up a bunch of my.

Sit, Martin.

He He sat.

Um, he decided to chew up a bunch of my shoes,

so I just Googled.

Nan. Nan. Oh.

I'm gonna stop you right there.

Can anybody tell me what's going on here?

Maybe she's so focused on her dog

that she can't even see how her own dysfunction

is affecting the situation.

Okay.

Yes.