Milo

So, before I share some of my feng shui insider secrets,

on how to energize your wealth area,

I'd just like to take a moment to talk to you about this brand new,

bamboo fabric range, by Eco skin.

Now, I'm joined once again by my beautiful wife, Nadia,

and my wayward son, Milo.

There here to tell you how they've got on with the clothes, all week.

Nadia, how does that feel?

Bamboo fabric.

Well Brand, it feels smooth on the skin.

Like silk or cashmere.

And I love the design.

There you go.

Comparable with two of the most luxurious fabrics out there.

And believe me, my wife knows.

as I say, Milo has been wearing the clothes all week, so, Milo.

-What's the verdict? -Great.

- Another subscriber. -Milo.

- - That's right, no running.

-And no Romanian. -Sorry dad.

- Ok, careful. - Ok go on.

Steady, watch out for that step.

- - Ok mama.

Hey, you're the next door boy, aren't you?

Do you know them?

Of course, they're in my class.

Then they're in my class too.

Will you introduce me?

That's Tommy, his father owns a bakery.

That's Tommy's best friend, Patrick.

They call him Fanny cause his last name's Fannigan.

I heard there's a camping trip next week.

Are you going?

-No. -Why not?

My dad says that children who go on camps,

have parent's that want to get rid of them.

[soft music playing in distance]

Dad?

- -

What have I told you about knocking and waiting?

I wrote a haiku.

Bright colored pencils,

moving ever, up and down,

the sunny sky.

Wow.

I see a beautiful picture of us summer landscape.

It's good Milo, it's really good, I'm very impressed.

What's the key though?

-The sunny sky. -Good boy.

Now what have you got wrong?

It's a haiku.

You've got five syllables in the first line,

you've got seven syllables in the second line,

but you've only got four in the third.

Come on, sit down, we'll look at it together.

Moving ever, up and down,

the...

-Clear blue sky--no. -Dad.

I really want to go on the camping trip this year.

The indigo sky, that's it!

-Please can I go. - No.

We've talked about this before, Milo.

It's not on the curriculum.

It's only a week dad.

And I'll use my cream, like I do all the time.

This is not negotiable Milo.

Why? I bet if I asked Grandad, he'd let me go--

Now you listen to me young man.

Your grandad,

has absolutely no authority over you whatsoever.

I do.

So once again this is an identity project.

That means I want to see from your presentations what defines you as individuals.

Your past, your present and your future.

Sean I want to see more of your future.

Perhaps you can tell us which particular job in the military suits your personality and why.

I want to see more materials for your presentations after the mid-term breaks,

so you have enough time to collect them.

And Milo, I want to see more of you and less of your dad.

And I still want to see some photos of you as a baby.

I Haven't any.

My dad lost them when we moved house.

well then we'll find something else to bring along, ok?

-Miss, miss, I have an idea. - Yes, Tommy?

What if Milo takes his camera, goes down to the zoo,

and takes a photo of a baby skunk,

then he'll have his baby picture.

- - Tommy I will not warn you again!

- Ow! -[children indistinctively yelling]

For an act of violence like this, I'm actually required to suspend him.

What about those other boys rushing,

are you suspending them too?

I see them sticking up their finger up like this.

Every single morning.

Look I've given this situation a great deal of thought,

and I think there's a specific contact--

Of course, those boys pick on my son, every day.

And now they call him a skunk.

Those little bastards.

- Please. - What please?

That's why he lashes out, what do you expect?

Mrs. Mulder, two wrongs do not make a right.

I honestly fell punishment isn't the answer here.

You see there are wider issues effecting Milo's alienation from the group.

I want Milo to be integrated.

Because if he remains an outsider for the rest of his life, there'll be other bullies.

More violence if you will.

-Do you agree? -

Maybe it's time to look this bee square in the eye, and, get you more integrated.

The upcoming camping trip for example.

I think that'd be a good opportunity for Milo to spend more time with the other pupils,

-and actually make some friends. - He won't be going.

- Nadia, come on, we haven't finished here. - Yes we have.

Thank you for not suspending Milo,

but I still want those boys punished and off his back.

I'll hold a place open for him, in case you change your mind.

That's my dad.

That's me.

What's the cream for?

Can you keep a secret?

-Do you promise you won't tell anyone? -I promise.

I have a skin condition.

That's why I'm not allowed a shower in gym.

Is it contagious?

I don't think so.

You don't smell like a baby skunk to me.

- - Hey, stop.

Is that the kind of impression you want to make?

Answer me.

-Caitlin didn't care. -Really?

Well, Caitlin wasn't the one,

making a fool of herself,

soaked to the skin on a trampoline, was she?

While you were busy acting the idiot, she was busy laughing at you.

-No she wasn't. -Yes she was, I could hear her from the house.

Caitlin isn't like that.

Do we really know her?

Look.

every time people find out something, negative about you,

they'll judge you for it.

Everyone does it.

That's why,

we have to be so careful about how we present ourselves.

All the time.

Do you understand?

Do you?

Hurry up sweetheart.

He's letting you flog his base, he must be losing his touch.

What's that supposed to mean?

Buying in to what you do, selling that nonsense over the internet.

-Dad I have explained this to-- -I know better than a carpet beggar.

Nadia, darling, pour me some more of that, will you?

Martha Stewart, is she a carpet beggar?

Who? Never heard of her, i-is she Irish?

No dad, she's American.

And she's built a multi-billion dollar enterprise based on exactly the same principle.

I suppose all these people out there, who want to be screwed.

Worse part is, you believe in that feng shui orchid yourself.

Feng shui.

So...

How's your photography coming along champ?

Haven't taken any grandad.

You haven't lost interest, have you?

No.

It's just...

My cameras are confiscated for two weeks.

Are they?

Not to worry.

I'll dig out my old SLR for you.

-And, how's school? - We're on mid-term.

Everybody's going on the school camping trip.

They're leaving tomorrow.

But I'm not allowed to go.

-O-Of course you are. -No, he's not.

We have other plans.

What other plans?

There's nothing more important for a boy his age.

God, I remember the cold, the snuggling up,

the kiss chases, building fires in the woods,

I coopt my first real feel for Christ sakes.

He is going, no argument.

How much?

It said four hundred on the form.

Here, I have...

Four and another hundred,

to spend on the women, on one condition.

You send me a post card when you get there.

Thanks grandad

Give me the money, Milo.

-Give it to me now. -It's my money, he gave it to me.

-Mom. - You must do as your father says.

-But it's not fair. - Maybe, but what you did was wrong.

And we think he's on the bus to school camp.

If anybody picks up this message please contact us immediately.

Thank you.