Cursed Hearse

Fuck!

Third time this month, isn't it?

Yeah.

Job security.

I love it!

Yeah, well, you are an asshole.

True story.

Look, where am I taking this?

Back to your uncle's shop?

Fuck.

No.

Yeah, take it there.

You drop me off at my fucking stupid job first.

Again?

It's a fucking piece of shit.

Yeah?

But it does get me out of the station.

I mean, other than the stacks of cold cases I stare at every day.

There's not much going on in this town,

so it gives me something to do.

Oh.

I'm, like, so glad that I can help.

You have?

OK.

Have a nice day.

Hey, Nana.

You're so good at this.

I know.

It's one of my many talents.

Ah!

Oh, Willoughby.

Greg?

I think you fixed it.

Oh.

Well, that's good, because I don't

wanna be late for my tanning appointment

at Little Beaver salon.

Bye, sexy.

Don't miss me too much.

Nana, does he live here now?

Oh, you.

And what about your teeth, Nana?

He can't even remind you to put them in?

I just... why do you need a sugar baby, Nana?

Well, who's gonna take care of me when I get old?

Me.

Oh, dear.

I don't wanna be a burden.

That's stupid.

Well, good night, Nana.

Good night, dear.

What?

I wanted to talk to you.

What the fuck?

Listen.

I know it must be weird, someone your age coming in here

and dating your Nana.

Dude, how old are you?

It's getting pretty serious.

But I want you to know.

I understand, I can never replace your real grandfather.

But I hope we can be close.

I'm so glad we had this talk.

It's so open and healthy and communicative.

And that's what I admire about you most, Willoughby.

Dude.

Will, Bill, William, if you must.

But you are, like, the only fucking person

that calls me Willoughby.

It's because we're family.

Almost.

Morning, sunshine.

Oh.

Morning, Nana.

Oh.

Good morning, dear.

You are just full of surprises, aren't you?

Ooh, sexy.

Whew.

It's almost time.

Dear?

Silly Halloween.

Oh.

Yeah, your favorite.

So much fun.

So much fun.

Mm-hmm.

I gotta go to Uncle Dickey's and check on my car.

OK, dear.

My brother, your granddaddy, now he know how to fix a car.

I'll give him that, at least.

Did you see my car out there?

Yep.

OK.

So...

Do you even have money to fix it this time?

Not... not really.

I'm saving up for a new car.

I told you that.

Yeah.

Really.

So what?

This piece of shit is my problem now?

OK.

Well, I'm just gonna walk to work now.

OK.

Big job.

Big phone rip.

Big phone rip.

Whoa.

This is a great product at an affordable price.

Well, how would you like to hear that we have the solution...

I'm sure you'll agree.

For all your problems.

We are currently offering a buy one, get one...

Product solves all...

Hello?

Hello?

I can offer you this.

I'm so done with this place.

Will, you sound good, man.

It's ridiculous.

Best to keep everything in perspective.

All right, clowns.

Hey, hey!

Shift's over.

We got three sales today.

You all suck.

Oh, Will.

You especially suck.

Fuck!

This is so fucked.

I'm walking from my first shitty job

to my second shitty fucking job.

Gotta make a living, dude.

When I developed asthma, my life drastically changed.

My income came to a screeching halt.

Yeah?

Yeah.

First, you make the money, then you put it to work for you.

Like a businessman.

Like me.

I'm a businessman.

I always push.

Dude.

Just sitting there.

Yeah, that's his jam.

I remember him from, like, the fifth grade.

Old man Pat.

Blind as a bat.

All I want is to be promoted at Little Beaver's Pizza.

Man, Little Beaver's Pizza sucks my ass.

San Remo's pizza, that's where it's at.

Right, Will?

Will?

What?

Yeah.

Where are all the scary costumes?

Do you know what I like to do after a long, hard workday here?

No.

Well, I'll tell you.

I like to go home and relax.

Take a hot bath with my wife.

Do you know why?

Why?

Cause the hot water makes her skin

feel like she's still alive.

What is this?

Uh.

This shit.

This is the samurai costume display you asked me to set up.

Imagine, if you can, that you're

a proud and powerful samurai.

Can you do that for me?

I don't think so.

Try.

OK.

Great.

Now, would a samurai call this a samurai display?

Know the fucking products!

It shows them some respect!

Can I take my break?

Two minutes.

What about you, sugarplum?

You being productive, at least?

Yeah.

My section is in lockdown.

Oof.

You're good.

That's not the only reason you're my favorite.

You're late.

It's like...

Welcome to Little Beaver Halloween City.

Oh.

Hey, Rosemary.

Thought you left.

You're such an asshole.

Yeah. You think?

Hey, we are doing a haunted house for the kids at the rec.

You should come and check it out.