Another Happy Day

Ben: Do you think mom is hot?

Elliot: No. Not really.

Why?

I don't know. She's not my type.

You don't think she's pretty?

Like, even if she wasn't mom?

Uh, look, every opinion is subjective.

You know, maybe she's pretty in the universal sense.

I mean, who the fuck knows?

I'm just saying she doesn't do it for me.

Do you think other people think she's hot?

I don't know.

I mean, some people fucking like McDonald's.

I like McDonald's.

Right, and apparently, you think mom is hot, so.

What took you so long?

Find yourself a nice morbidly obese rest stop suitor

To take that much needed edge off the family road trip?

- I just got that. - Yeah, me too.

Mom?

Shut up and get in the car, Elliot.

Ben, who gave you money for that shit?

Ben: Dad.

Guess her bathroom tryst was not satisfying.

Seat belts.

We good?

Ben: Um, okay.

And action!

So, Lynn. Where are we headed?

We're going to Annapolis, Maryland.

Hmm. And why?

Why are we going to Annapolis, Maryland?

Because my oldest son, your brother,

Is getting married.

Hmm. Now what is his name?

Dylan.

And, um, his bride to be?

Does she hail from Annapolis?

Yes. She does.

And what is her name?

Her name is Heather, Elliot. Heather.

And do you like this Heather Elliot?

she's very sweet.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

So then, you have three sons, correct?

And a daughter. Your sister Alice.

And does this-- this Alice.

Is she, uh, from a previous marriage maybe

Or the current one?

She's from a previous one.

Hmm. And, um, this daughter, Alice,

Does she live with you or the ex-husband?

She lives with us, Elliot.

Hmm, and this Dylan character.

Let's return to him for a moment.

Does he also reside with us?

That's not funny, Elliot.

Okay, well, I'm not trying to be funny.

I'm just trying to establish the residency

Of the two eldest children.

Yeah, well, I've had enough.

Okay, well, maybe we'll circle

Back around to that a little later.

We won't circle back around to anything later.

Okay, well, um, moving right along then.

Moving right along.

Uh, let's see. This daughter, Alice.

Is she coming to the wedding?

Why are you doing this, Elliot?

Why-- why am l--

You know, to document. Document.

The-- the travels and the wedding

And just family time.

I'm not interested.

In what? You're not interested in keeping a record?

No.

Okay, then how will we know that any of this even took place?

You know, that it existed.

That what took place?

The wedding. All that surrounds matrimony.

I'm sure they hired a videographer.

True, but those guys don't really dig deep enough.

Okay, you know what, Elliot? I have--

Mom! Watch out! Watch out! Jesus fuck! Fuck.

Turn that fucking camera off, Ben!

Turn it off!

Ben: Taylor, like, told me that mom and dad

Bought grandma and grandpa this house.

I don't wanna hear another word from either of you

For the next 24 hours.

Ben: Well, is that, like, true?

Do you think I'm kidding?

I will take away every fucking privilege you have.

Oh ho, and you are quite privileged.

That goes for you too, Elliot.

Alice gets here in three days.

Please, I'm begging you.

Don't make this any more difficult for me

Than it already is.

I won't.

And no smoking.

Your grandfather already has one foot in the grave.

But not from smoking.

It doesn't matter.

Oh, and just so you're prepared,

The last time you went to rehab, I told them you were in Sweden.

Sweden? What?

Jesus. I don't know anything about Sweden.

Oh, shit.

Oh. Fantastic.

What happened?

Dad's heart slowed down again.

Was he okay? Is he alive?

He's fine. He's all right.

They're just making sure everything's okay.

Don't go in there.

Dad?

You can't say the pacemaker doesn't do its job.

- Mom? - He's stable, Doris.

Mom, are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine thanks, don't worry.

Does that feel good?

Well, I don't understand. He has a heart attack--

No, no, no. It wasn't a heart attack.

The fentanyl just set off his pacemaker.

Slowed down his heart.

Yeah, well, why didn't you take him to the hospital?

I mean, I don't think he--

Why don't you go get settled now.

I know you're worried, ma'am, but he's stable.

In fact, he's fine.

Just needs to rest up a bit. Take it easy.

In the morning, Doris, you can give his doctor a call.

See what he thinks, but his vitals are solid.

Yeah. I know.

Thank you so much for coming, Jason.

I really appreciate it.

Has that wife of yours had the baby yet?

- Two more weeks. - Oh, good.

I gotta tell you girls, your mother is just a doll.

You. Thanks again.

- You're welcome. - Hey, can I ask you something?

If you took one of these say with, like, aderol

And you're about 130 pounds.

Could-- could you stroke?

When's dinner coming?

I don't know. Just be patient.

So, man, you all right? You feeling all right?

You look a little pale there.

You need vitamin d. I read--

You read that report, Donna.

It's not like I'm sick, I'm just not really into the sun.

So it's like a trend or something?

I think it's the Goth thing.

No, it's not Goth. I'm not Goth.

But you always wear black.

That's Goth. He's Goth. Brandon, isn't Elliot Goth?

Oh, god, Donna, do you remember when he was 12 years old?

I'm, not.

Brandon pantsed him,

He was wearing Lynn's pantyhose under his jeans?

Donna: Hysterical!

You don't still do that, do you?

Go from fried chicken to grilled chicken.

- Food's here! - It's here.

What it is, is global warming.

That's exactly what it is. I'm telling you right now.

The record temperature, the hottest summer ever

Was back in the 1950s.

Tell me how that makes sense.

Where do you get this?

Actually, since 1880,

Average temperatures around the world have risen

1.4 degrees Fahrenheit.

What is he? Doogie Howser?

No, because Doogie Howser was a resident surgeon.

I was scared to death when I saw that ambulance in the driveway.

- He's in bad shape. - He's not in bad shape.

He just hates sitting around all day with nothing to do.

But he's a fighter, mother. He is.

Lord knows, we've been through this before.

You couldn't kill him with a double barreled shotgun.

The doctor said his heart only had 30% capacity.

Yeah, but he's in good spirits.

Well, that's good.

lack of oxygen!

I would just like to say to everyone,

That I make fantastic Martinis.

Sit down.

That's original recipe, crispy, extra crispy.

Yo, wait until you see Heather's friends, man.

Dude, your dick will be dying, son.

It's fucking-- fucking fire.

My dick will be dying?

Tell you, man, these bitches are fucking delish.

Just like top notch, you know?

It's just that pussy you dream of.

Intriguing.

Hope you don't mind, man.

I keefed the nuggs with a little bit of llello.