Dysmorphia

Hmm, never seen that before.

Hey, Nick, what you got there?

You are not going to believe

what I just found in the closet.

Besides yourself?

Huh, funny, funny, no, no,

I'm happily with myself.

So what's with the big chest?

Yeah, a big chest, full of videotapes.

Okay, so what?

- So, so help me, help me with this, come on.

Can you huff it and puff it over here?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay yeah.

Thank you.

Come on.

Oh, you found Chuck's chest.

Your uncle Chuck.

May he rest in peace.

He used to collect these little obscure horror movies.

Movies I don't think anybody else even knew about.

Uncle Chuck was a horror fan?

- Yeah, you know, I think I remember Chuck mentioning

that you had some really rare horror films.

Oh yeah.

Sometimes, he would, well instead of watching sports

for hours on end,

he would watch those movies all day long.

Sometimes, he would watch all of 'em,

rewind 'em, and then watch 'em all again.

And I never really knew where he got those movies from.

I would ask him about it, but when I did,

he would hesitate, like he was hiding something from me.

Well.

Can we watch them?

Yeah, you can watch 'em.

But I do remember him saying there was a movie

that nobody should ever watch.

So really, respect him on this, guys.

If you find it, don't watch that movie.

- Well, okay, we'll keep our eyes peeled for it.

Oh and Maggie.

Yeah, sweets.

Thanks so much for letting us stay here

for a few weeks.

Stuff at mom's is tough right now,

and neither of us can afford our own place at the moment.

Hm, well, you're welcome.

I am really happy to have my niece and nephew

here with me.

I just, I haven't been nearly as lonely.

So, you know, since Chuck died.

Well.

Let's get to watching these in the room.

You mean the garage?

Shut it.

Swear to God.

Swear to God. - Uh huh, bring it.

Bring it.

Later.

Took you long enough.

Could've used help.

Hey, I gave you a round of applause.

- Yeah, that makes me feel a whole lot better.

- I can't believe that we're going to actually

watch something on VHS.

I mean, I haven't done that since I was a kid.

- Well, you kinda make it sound like it's a bad thing.

Well, it's just so old school.

There's beauty in VHS.

How?

I don't know.

The whole old grade quality of it.

Especially when you're watching some gruesome but fun

80s horror film.

That brick-like big box nostalgia of it.

I even remember the video stores having this like

cigarette smoke--

It was cool.

Hey, you know, and rewinding the tapes, to some,

it was a chore.

But for me, it was like I had a real film reel.

Winding it back up.

Hey, I'd pick VHS over DVDs any day of the week.

Yeah, I mean, it's like people who prefer records

to CDs or MP3s.

Hmm, hmm?

And man, when you're watching that old VHS,

it's nostalgic bliss.

Wow.

Get out much?

Fuck you.

No, but.

Do you ever go out?

Yes, I go out once in a while.

Like, to the grocery store, to get food, supplies.

Oh yeah, yeah.

I see people there.

Saw Kelly Masterson there. - For your whole big thing.

The other day, she was nice.

Yeah, and she probably ignored you.

Well I was ignoring her.

So it's different. - Of course, of course.

But hey, you know what, no, no.

I had a girlfriend for two months.

Two whole months.

I mean, it was six weeks solid and then like,

two weeks of fighting. - Okay, wait, wait.

What happened?

And spill.

God, it's just gossipy.

- Yeah yeah yeah, I'm a girl, deal with it.

Really, okay, fine.

No, no, it's too embarrassing.

No no, spill.

You started it, finish it.

Okay fine.

Well, she had this ex-boyfriend that she was still with.

I mean, not with.

Like, she didn't really cheat on me.

But I mean, it happened.

Like, there was a time, over, you know.

But I mean, you know, he was a DJ, and had tattoos,

and he had--

Come on, spit it out.

He had a Prince Albert, okay?

Ooh.

Figures she left you.

Yeah, I know.

I'd probably leave me, too.

I mean, I don't want one.

I just like--

I mean, I can't-- - No, you don't need one.

You don't need one.

- How am I gonna compete with that, you know?

That's an event. - Okay okay.

You see that, you're like, hello.

Okay, get off of that subject,

and let's watch these tapes.

- You're right, thank you. - Let's watch these tapes.

Which one's that one?

Oh yeah.

So we killed our parents.

Mom deserves that right now.

- Hey. - She deserves it.

Alright, I kind of agree.

Where are those fucking kids?

What was that?

Maybe I'll stick my dick in mouth.

Maybe that'll shut you up, huh?

Damn bitch, get my belt.

Fuck you.

Why don't you wear one, asshole?

Ooh, I'm gonna have some fun tonight.

Hey, don't change the song.

Did you hear me, bitch?

That was trippy.

You could say that again.

Yeah, story of our lives, huh?

Brother and sister taking on the world.

I meant, you know, just the mom part.

'Cause she's such a bitch. - Yeah, yeah.

Not the whole other stuff.

I'm just gonna sit a little farther away now.

- Yeah. - Sorry about that.

How about we just go to the next one?

But let's, let's--

I like this one.

Okay, we'll stay with this one,

even though you've made it awkward.

Fine, go to the next one.

Round two, let's do this.

Okay.

I dare you?

I dare you.

Or you dare I?

Or I dare you?

I double dog dare you.

I triple dog dare you.

To do what?

I don't know, make something up.

Let's watch a movie.

Alright.

I Dare You.

Well, hey guys.

Shawn and Brendan here.

And this is the opening to our dares video.

We got a number of dare videos,

and I cut them all to clips together.

Now here are the dares,

and after you see the clips,

we're gonna let you know which one we decided.

Well we kind of have it already in order,

but you know, you'll see it.

And you may even see some people in this,

they send in dares?

Well I guess they did.

So check out the video right now, here it comes.

And we'll be back to tell you which dare we picked.

Oh god.

Alright, my name is Dante.