Chalk It Up

Ashley,

here's the thing.

I think about you

every second of every day

- - Uh!

- Uh... Will you marry me? -

Yes.

Congratulations.

Are you okay?

Yeah, mm-hmm.

Well, your analysis of the night,

moderately outlines his impressive military career.

I mean, you're getting pieces of how romantic he is,

- but you're just... - I need you.

There's a line, Angelina.

The character's amorous, Sarah, and this is Chaucer.

So, if this is your thesis,

you need to focus your explication

on his utopian ideals.

No, you can do this. Focus.

- Office hours are closed. -

I've got the governors ball tonight,

and it's time to seal the deal.

For ring before spring fling.

Well, what about tomorrow?

Cali will post my hours.

- Now, shoo. - Uh-ahh. Fine.

- Hi, my love. - Hey, baby.

- Apple. - Let me see. Let me see.

- Let me see. -

No, don't cry. Don't cry.

Don't cry. Don't cry.

Everyone's gonna see.

You know, I've been dreaming of this moment

my entire life.

Now it's ruined.

Emily,

I can fix it.

Let's go.

One second.

Shh.

It's the end of the end.

No, no, no, trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

I can fix it.

- Let's take a selfie. - Let's do it.

- Okay. - Ready?

- Yes. - One, two...

- Awe! - That's when I knew.

- Awesome. - I was made for politics.

Say, "cheese."

Cheese.

- - Cheese.

What, what's your ethnicity?

I can't...

- Hey, apple. - There you are.

Here I am.

Emily and Chelsey are already here.

Her ring is so beautiful.

It's a Princess cut, which is really nice.

- - But...

But, you prefer a brilliant cut.

You do listen when I hint.

A hint? Hah!

Your, uh, hints are about as subtle as a jackhammer.

Boop.

So, uh,

Evan said it was a long line today at the office.

Uh, yeah. Everyone at the school is always so stressed.

Hmm, it is Greene.

Whatever.

Glad I was able to steal you away.

Always.

Dance? Okay.

- Yes. -Don't step on my toes this time.

I never step on your toes.

Hey, babe, I left my econ notebook at your frat.

So I'm headed over to get it.

Oh! Hey, Derrick, hey, Chelsey.

- Hey. - Derrick, get me your paper.

Apple, we have an agreement.

You write my papers for me,

and I run around with my shirt off.

- That is not our agreement. - You said it.

- Never. - You said that.

What, what happened?

Was there a fire?

Yeah, only in my room.

I barely made it out alive.

- Are you okay? -

Are you seriously taking me literally?

I'm going to Oxford.

Yeah, they disbanded the rugby team,

and my dad's having me transfer.

You know, year off rugby and the national team

- wouldn't even look at me. - That's ridiculous.

Apparently we're breaking title 9.

Title, title 9.

Where there has to be and equal number

- of male and female sports? - Yep, that's the one.

That's it? That's no problem. I can fix it.

No, you can't fix it, apple. You can't fix everything.

Yes, I can.

So, okay, the rugby team

has a minimum of seven players on the field, right?

So we need a seven player female team.

We'll go with softball.

- Ah, but they're so tomboy. - Hmm.

Well, volleyball.

Ugh. They're really tall. Oh, I know!

- Apple, stop. - Unpack, unpack.

- Please stop. - Unpack, unpack.

- What're you doing? - I am gonna make...

- The gymnastics team. - Oh.

That's cute. That's really cute.

You know, you are such a good fixer, you really are

and I appreciate you trying to fix this,

but, it's not Emily's nail.

Okay, this is real, apple.

We're talking about the NCAA.

Look, we both know that you shouldn't even be at Greene.

It's the most prestigious university in the country,

and your parents are legacies

and they donate thousands of books a year.

So, you're here.

I had a perfect sat, and I was a gymnast.

When you were 13.

You don't have an athletic bone in your body.

You drove your sobriety's annual 5k.

Because they needed a safety driver.

You're skinny-fat.

I'm sorry, but someone had to tell you.

Here's the test. Ready?

- One, two, three... - Stop...

- No. - Exactly.

- No gymnast... - Exactly.

No gymnast could catch that.

Gymnastics is not a ball sport.

Come here.

We had a great run.

You know, and I really thought that you could be the one.

- I know. -I thought you could, but, um...

- Todd. - I gotta move on.

- Todd. - Boop.

- No. - Here. Oh...

- Stop doing that. - Take these.

Okay, we'll talk later.

Okay, good riddance.

"Could be the one"? I'm totally the one.

Moving to Oxford.

He's just in shock, right?

The thing he loves second most in the world

was just taken away from him.

It's gotta be shock. He's not leaving me really.

I think his plane left this afternoon.

All I've got to do is form the team,

get the buy-in from the athletic director, and petition the NCAA.

Bing, bang, done. Rugby team is back, and I'm engaged.

Socrates, really, on the "intro to philosophy" paper?