South Park

MY FELLOW HEROES,

TONIGHT, I STOPPED THREE MURDERS FROM HAPPENING.

I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT WE'RE SEEING A HUGE TREND IN CRIME.

WE HAVE TO FIND OUT THE SOURCE OF THIS EVIL.

SOMETHING BIG IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN

AND IT IS UP TO COON AND FRIENDS TO STOP IT.

YES, TOOLSHED.

- WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE CALLED COON AND FRIENDS?

WHAT?

- WE ALL FIGHT CRIME TOGETHER.

HOW COME WE'RE JUST YOUR FRIENDS?

YEAH.

WE WANT TO BE CALLED THE EXTREME AVENGER LEAGUE.

- YEAH! EXTREME AVENGER LEAGUE.

I TOLD YOU, TUPPERWARE,

EXTREME AVENGER LEAGUE DOESN'T WORK.

- WHY NOT? - IT'S CONFUSING.

THE COON IS A BRAND PEOPLE ALREADY KNOW.

- WHY CAN'T IT BE MOSQUITO AND FRIENDS?

- NOBODY'S FUCKING HEARD OF YOU, MOSQUITO!

HAVE SO.

- LOOK, GUYS, WE NEED TO FIND OUT

WHAT IS CAUSING THE CRIME WAVE IN THIS CITY.

MYSTERION, YOU AND THE HUMAN KITE GET ON THE COMPUTER

AND DIG UP WHAT YOU CAN.

TUPPERWARE AND MOSQUITO, SCAN THE NEWS.

TOOLSHED, YOU RUN A PERIMETER CHECK WITH IRON MAIDEN.

TIMMY!

LET'S WORK, PEOPLE!

- UH, MINTBERRY CRUNCH, COULD I HAVE A QUICK WORD WITH YOU

I REALLY ENJOY HAVING YOU BE A PART OF COON AND FRIENDS

AND I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE

YOUR ON-TIME PAYING OF DUES AND FEES.

IT'S JUST... I DON'T... I'M NOT GETTING YOUR DEAL.

I MEAN, EXACTLY WHAT IS MINTBERRY CRUNCH

SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

I GET THAT YOU'RE HALF-MAN AND HALF-BERRY

AND THAT YOU'RE CRUNCHY WITH SOME MINT,

BUT TO BE A PART OF COON AND FRIENDS,

YOU HAVE TO HAVE A CLEAR AND MORE SUPERHERO

KIND OF IDENTITY.

MINTBERRY CRUNCH, I'M JUST WONDERING

IF MAYBE YOU NEED TO ADD SOMETHING ELSE

TO THE MINTBERRY CRUNCH PART OF YOUR COSTUME.

LIKE MILK?

NO, NOT LIKE MILK.

YOU SEE, I REALLY THINK

WE'RE ON DIFFERENT PAGES HERE, MINTBERRY CRUNCH.

IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN...

- COON AND FRIENDS ALERT! COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!

UH-OH!

WHAT'S THE ALERT, MOSQUITO?

- THERE'S LIKE A BIG FIRE OR SOMETHING IN TOWN.

- WHAT? A FIRE? COON VOLUME UP.

- THERE ARE THOUGHT TO BE AT LEAST 20 PEOPLE

TRAPPED INSIDE THE APARTMENT BUILDING

AND FIREFIGHTERS ARE HAVING NO LUCK.

- MY GOD! THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

COON AND FRIENDS, LET'S HEAD OUT!

- LET'S DO IT, YEAH! - LET'S GO!

- YEAH, UH, MINTBERRY CRUNCH,

WHY DON'T YOU STAY HERE AND MIND THE BASE, OKAY?

COOL.

WE'VE GOT TO GET DOWNTOWN FAST, COON AND FRIENDS.

MOM, YOU GOTTA DRIVE US DOWNTOWN.

- OH, IT'S A LITTLE LATE, SWEETIE.

WHY DON'T YOU BOYS JUST KEEP PLAYING DOWNSTAIRS?

- MOM, YOU'RE THE COON'S FAITHFUL BUTLER.

I WANT TO GO DOWNTOWN NOW.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

I GUESS I CAN GET SOME GROCERIES ANYWAY.

- INTO THE COONMOBILE, EVERYONE.

LET'S JUST HOPE WE GET THERE IN TIME.

- ALL RIGHT, YOU LITTLE MUNCHKINS BUCKLED UP FOR SAFETY?

- MOM, DON'T TALK TO US LIKE THAT.

WE'RE FUCKING SUPERHEROES!

- ERIC, WHAT HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT WITH THAT LANGUAGE?

ONE MORE TIME AND I'M NOT TAKING YOU ANYWHERE.

- OH. I'M SORRY, MOM. CAN WE GO, PLEASE?

UNBELIEVABLE!

- WE TRIED GETTING IN THROUGH THE BACK.

IT WAS NO GOOD.

- THOSE PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIE IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING.

- OH, MY GOODNESS! IT'S A FIRE.

COME ON, COON FRIENDS.

- NO, ERIC, STAY IN THE CAR, SWEETIE.

CAN WE TRY A HELICOPTER?

THE WINDS ARE TOO HIGH.

CHOPPER WOULD BURN IN MINUTES.

- ALL RIGHT, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?

- GET BACK, KIDS, IT ISN'T SAFE.

ERIC POOPSIE!

- WHATEVER IS HAPPENING, YOU NEED HELP FROM THE COON.

AND FRIENDS!

- KEEP THOSE CHILDREN BACK, THOMPSON.

- PLEASE, SIR, YOU MUST LET US...

- SWEETIE, LET THE NICE FIREMEN DO THEIR JOB.

SHUT UP, MOM, GOD!

- WAIT! LOOK, UP IN THE SKY.

- IT'S HIM! MY GOD, IT'S REALLY HIM!

HE'S COME TO HELP US.

CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!

WHO'S CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT?

- CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT, THE HERO OF THE MODERN AGE.

ONCE KNOWN AS JACK BROLIN,

A REPORTER FOR THE NATIONAL NEWS,

THE HERO WAS BORN WHEN A FREAK ACCIDENT

GAVE HIM THE AMAZING POWER OF EXTRAORDINARY HINDSIGHT.

FROM TOXIC SPILLS TO UNJUST WARS,

THERE IS NO TASK TOO LARGE FOR... CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!

- CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT, THANK GOD YOU'VE COME.

WHAT'S THE SKINNY?

- THERE'S PEOPLE TRAPPED IN THAT BURNING BUILDING,

CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT,

AND THE FIRE IS SO MASSIVE, WE CAN'T GET TO THEM.

- HMM. YOU SEE THOSE WINDOWS ON THE RIGHT SIDE?

THEY SHOULD HAVE BUILT FIRE ESCAPES ON THOSE WINDOWS

FOR THE HIGHER FLOORS,

THEN PEOPLE COULD HAVE GOTTEN DOWN.

AND THEN ON THE ROOF,

THEY SHOULD'VE BUILT IT WITH A MORE REINFORCED STRUCTURE

SO A HELICOPTER COULD HAVE LANDED ON IT.

YES, OF COURSE!

- AND THEN YOU SEE THAT BUILDING TO THE LEFT?

YES.

- THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE BUILT THAT THERE,

BECAUSE NOW YOU CAN'T PARK ANY FIRE TRUCKS

WHERE YOU REALLY NEED TO.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE MY JOB HERE IS DONE.

GOOD-BYE, EVERYONE!

- THANK YOU, CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!

THANK YOU!

- ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE. I GUESS THAT'S IT.

LET'S PACK IT UP.

- OH, BOY, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT FIRE DOWNTOWN, SHARON?

- OH, MY GOSH, YES. THEY SAID LIKE 14 PEOPLE DIED.

IT'S JUST RIDICULOUS TO ME

THAT THEY DIDN'T BUILD FIRE ESCAPES ON THOSE UPPER FLOORS.

RIDICULOUS! - OH, I KNOW.

AND IF YOU ASK ME, THEY SHOULD HAVE BUILT A ROOF

WITH ENOUGH SUPPORT TO LAND A HELICOPTER.

I MEAN, HELLO!

- HEY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST REPEATING

WHAT THAT HINDSIGHT GUY SAID.

WELL, YES, STAN.

CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT IS OUR PROTECTOR AND GUARDIAN.

WE'RE JUST THANKFUL HE WAS THERE FOR THAT FIRE.

NOW WE CAN ALL EAT IN PEACE.

COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!

COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

WHO PUT THAT THERE?

- ALERT. SERIOUSLY. ALL COON FRIENDS TO BASE.

ALERT, YOU GUYS. I'M SERIOUSLY.

- MOM, DAD, I FINISHED DINNER.

CAN I GO UP TO MY ROOM? - WELL, SURE, STAN.

HOW DID THAT THING GET THERE, RANDY?

I DON'T KNOW.

- WELL, TAKE IT DOWN. IT'S NOISY.

I CAN'T.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL MY TOOLS.

- ALL RIGHT, TOOLSHED IS HERE. WE CAN START.

- DUDE, WHO SAID YOU COULD PUT A BIG SIREN

IN MY PARENTS' HOUSE?

- YEAH. I ALMOST GOT IN TROUBLE FOR IT.

- THE COON MUST BE ABLE TO SIGNAL HIS FRIENDS

WHEN A HUGE CATASTROPHE BREAKS OUT.

- SO WHAT'S THE HUGE CATASTROPHE?

WHAT'S THE HUGE...

DID YOU GUYS NOT SEE THAT CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT GUY?

YEAH, SO?

- SO THERE'S A BIG SUPERHERO OUT THERE

DOING STUFF ON HIS OWN

AND HE'S NOT PART OF COON AND FRIENDS.

- OH, JESUS. - I'VE LOOKED INTO IT,

AND THIS CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT IS EVERYWHERE.

HE'S LIKE SOME FREELANCE BUTTHOLE SCAB.

WE NEED TO MAKE HIM JOIN US! - HEY, FELLAS?

FELLAS, COULD YOU LET ME OUT, PLEASE?

IT'S BEEN LIKE SIX DAYS.

- YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE, CHAOS.

- YEAH, BUT... BUT YOU ONLY GAVE ME THIS BUCKET

TO POOP IN AND IT'S FULL NOW.

AND I AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO EAT.

YOU GOT POOP, DON'T YOU?

NOW THE QUESTION IS, HOW ARE WE GONNA GET

CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT TO JOIN COON AND FRIENDS?

WHO CARES IF A HERO

DOESN'T WANT TO BE PART OF COON AND FRIENDS?

I CARE!

- LOOK, ALL WE NEED TO DO IS WAIT FOR THE NEXT DISASTER,

THEN TRY TO BEAT HINDSIGHT TO THE SCENE.

- THERE'S NOT GONNA BE ANY WORSE DISASTER.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN A FIRE

THAT KILLS 14 PEOPLE?

- ALL RIGHT, THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOLLY GOOD PLACE.