Girls

We are not going to be supporting you any longer.

You should never be anyone's slave.

Except mine.

- Are you still dating? - Yeah.

I really admire that effort to do something

that is not the most natural to you.

Every time I have sex it's my choice

I'm unsmoochable.

I've never had sex.

His touch now feels like a weird uncle.

I wanna break up.

Marnie, this is Audrey.

This happened in two weeks?

I do not wanna live here any more.

I don't wanna live with you any more either.

Maybe I'll move in.

I'm in a really good place in my life.

Totally. Everything you own is in trash bags in my kitchen.

This is exciting, being hit on

We're getting married.

- Actually, I need a roommate. - That would be great.

So you don't have to worry, 'cause I found someone.

You chase me like I'm The Beatles for six months

and then I finally get comfortable and you shrug?

Ahh!

I wanna go home with you.

It's very confusing for me too.

- Are you enjoying yourself? - Yeah.

Not too much, don't worry.

- Don't let her in here. She's a monster. - Adam, Adam!

I'm getting my mattress today.

- No, don't get a mattress. - I have to get a mattress.

You stay in my bed and then we'll use your room as a home gym.

- That's a good idea. - Mm-hmm.

- You're the best roommate. - You're the best roommate.

I'm sorry I have a boner.

- It's not for you. - Mmm.

I thank the higher powers

for all of the gifts that I have already received

like a keen mathematical mind

and fairly fast-growing hair.

And I ask the universe

to present me with my path

and to ruin Ray's life.

Thank you so much for lunch.

It was such an unexpected and nice surprise.

I know. I wanted to have kind of a consolation lunch.

Like a last hurrah.

A last hurrah?

- Oh, shit. - What?

Oh, shit, Marnie.

The whole point of lunch was to downsize you and then smooth it over.

And then we got to all that loose talk about Tom Sachs

and I completely spaced.

Fuck! I am truly sorry.

Um, wait a minute. Are you firing me?

No. Absolutely not.

Downsizing is different.

I run a fucking art gallery, Marnie.

I can't afford two employees.

Anyway, you're gorgeous and totally bright.

- You'll land on your feet. - Wait, wait, wait.

Do you mean that you are keeping Julian and firing me?

Julian spilled Yoo-Hoo on a print.

Why would you keep Julian?

Well, I've fucked Julian, so he could sue me.

Anyway, it was a lesser print.

Let's go in here. They have pants made of scuba material

and I want you to tell me if they make me look crazy.

You wanted this.

I wanted this so bad.

- And now you're getting it. - Now I'm finally getting it.

- It's about fucking time. - It's about fucking time.

This was fun at the beginning, but you know what?

It's really hard to run with a boner.

- So you have to come to me. - ( giggling )

I'm so glad I ran into you in Grumpy's.

I'm so glad you accepted that thing that I claimed was a macchiato,

but was really three kinds of syrup and soda water.

I love how weird you are.

Please don't say love to me.

It was-- it was a joke love.

Don't even say a joke love to me.

I don't want to hear any love.

Why do you have so many rules?

Well, I told you that I'm doing this a different way, okay?

I'm not just gonna show up and knock on your door in the middle of the night.

I'm not going to make up weird excuses to see you.

I'm not gonna invite you to my housewarming party

and introduce you to my whole social circle.

I'm gonna make logical, responsible decisions when it comes to you.

So it's irresponsible for you to date me?

It's not irresponsible for me to date you.

It's just that, like, you do not know how many, like, dementos

and slugs and weirdos I've dated.

I used to like any guy who liked me.

And so now I'm really being thoughtful about this

and taking the time to figure out

what I'm looking for in a romance relationship.

Oh, so this is about him.

- No. - Yeah.

- I'm not saying that. - Yeah.

Although he was hit by a truck

and it was my fault, so I have a little bit of guilt.

Well, then, let's tell him.

I want to do that. I'd love to do that.

But I just should probably wait until he's capable of wiping himself.

There's so many guys in fezzes.

Do you love this movie or what?

What.

Well, I know it's goofy.

I just really like a world in which people

spontaneously break into song and dance.

- So sue me. - Can I have some water, please?

Sure.

How do you feel?

Like I got hit by a fucking truck.

- ( water running ) - Which I did.

Here you go.

Adam, I feel like we might need to talk again.

What do we need to talk about?

Well, we're not together anymore.

I don't really care about labels.

You're here all the time. You're my main hang.

Yeah, and--

So if you need to not have the title for a while,

I'm not gonna freak out.

Okay, but for me, it's about a little bit more than the title.

Have you ever gotten along with someone like this?

Have you ever known someone this well?

Because I haven't. And I bet you haven't.

Did you like fucking me? I think you did.

I came, you came hard.

We all laughed. What's the issue?

You're not being that nice to me, so I don't really understand

why you'd even want to have me around.

Well, when you love someone,

you don't have to be nice all the time.

Okay.

- Do you want to watch something different? - Yes.

I have to piss.

- Okay, you need my help? - The pot.

Okay.

Hey, Adam, I need to talk to you about something.

What?

- What's wrong? - ( urinating )

- I hurt all over. - Are you okay?

No.

What do you want to talk about?

Nothing.

I don't want to talk about anything.

- ( splattering ) - I fucking missed.

I can tell.

Woman: You look-- can I be honest?

- Yeah. - 30 years old.

Mom, please.

I miss the softness in your face.

I am growing older and I'm under a lot of stress.

I got fired. There's stuff.

Don't say fired. You're transitioning.

They downsized.

Jesus, your father would tell you that

if he ever gets out from under his pillow.

Okay, I'm transitioning.

But it's not like I'm starving myself on purpose.

I'm just-- you know, I had a bad breakup.

And it's okay. I think we're gonna be able to stay friends.

But I'm not gonna do, like, what Hannah does

and order six pizzas to make me feel better.

All you girls think that you look really good,

but you just look like floats in the Macy's parade--

these big heads on these tiny bodies.

You know what? You're just being judgmental of other people's bodies

because you lost, what, 34 pounds

and you think that gives you license

to control the way the rest of us eat.

You haven't had a bite of your salad.

Well, I had a late breakfast.

Are you still seeing that man?

I'm sleeping with him. And don't be prudish.

I'm not prudish. I'm happy for you.

What does he do?

He's a cater waiter and he's hot.

I wouldn't even sleep with a cater waiter, and they're my age.

Really, sometimes all you need is just a pair of rough hands on your body.

Mom, that's disgusting.

I don't know. Maybe you're not ready for me to talk to you about this stuff.

- Ew. - And frankly,

I'm a little hurt that we can't just be friends.

- I can be your friend. - Well, then you need to act like a friend.

I'm treating you like my friend.

You wouldn't talk to your friends like this.

I talk to my friends way worse than this.

Really?

Yeah.

God, this is fun. It's so important to entertain.

It's what keeps you young. It's why my parents look so old and decrepit.

It's because they never have anybody over.

- I think we should start by having theme nights. - I love that.

Obviously one will be a fondue night.