A Simple Plan

When I was still just a kid,

I remember my father telling me

what he thought that it took for a man to be happy.

Tommy, finally! Come on, man, New Year's is tonight.

- I'm sorry I'm late. - Don't worry. I covered for you.

Thanks, Hank.

What, did you stay out till they hung the last dog?

- Yeah. - Ha!

Simple things, really...

A wife he loves,

a decent job,

friends and neighbors who like and respect him.

And for a while there,

without hardly even realizing it,

I had all that.

I was a happy man.

Hey, Tom.

Remember we talked about me getting off early today?

Hey, Hank!

Hey, Happy New Year, Schmitt!

- Hey, Linda, Happy New Year. - Happy New Year.

- Hey, where you guys going? - Sledding!

- Hey, can I come? - No!

Ohh... Please! Ohh!

- Hey, Carl. - Hey, happy new year, Hank.

You gotta start charging people for that.

Yeah, it'd pay better than the county does.

Honey, it's me.

- How you feelin' today? - Hey. Good.

- Oh, my gosh. - He was sure kickin' a lot today.

Uh-oh...

Looks like it's gonna be a long afternoon for you.

He brought Lou along.

Oh, great.

Yeah. I'll just be lyin' here, relaxing.

Hey, Jacob!

What's he doing here?

He needed a ride home.

Little out of the way, isn't it?

We can drop him off when we're done, you know. It's no big deal, Hank.

What's the big deal, Hank?

Hey, you know, you need to shovel this shit off of your, uh...

whatcha-call-it deal there.

I'll pay you a quarter to do it.

Huh! I could use it.

Look at Lou.

Hey, baby.

Here, hold this, will you?

- Wanna put it back there? - No, no, it's gonna wilt.

Hank, say hi to... You didn't say hi to Mary Beth.

Oh, yeah. Hi, Mary Beth!

He said hi, Mary Beth.

Hank said hi. Hi, Lou.

Come here.

Somebody else was here.

Oh, I brought those.

When?

Well... What the hell do you think, Hank?

This is the only day we can come here?

What the hell's wrong with you?

Hey, Jacob! Look! I'm writing my name!

Hang on a second! Let me get Mrs. Johnson out here!

I'll help you out.

You know what the guy says?

Says it's the crock pot or, uh, crock box?

No, no. Pay attention now... Oh, no, that's the preacher, see?

- This is the cowboy. - Yeah, he says "moo."

No, no. It's the guy standing by the road. He says:

"Why, officer? It's just a pine apple."

- You get it? - Yeah.

Well, Mr. accountant doesn't get it.

Look out!

Shit!

You ok, baby?

Go on, get out!

Look at that, man!

My truck.

Come on, get out.

Mary Beth!

- She's gonna come back. - Hey, what are you doing?

- It's a nature preserve, you know that. - So what?

So you can't hunt here. Come on, put the gun back.

But it... but it messed up my truck.

- So what? Come on. - Hey, hey, Hank...

It's not like we're huntin' here.

- We're collectin' the dead. - Come on.

We're collecting the dead.

- Just look at him... - He runs like my wife.

Hey, come on, wait up!

Come on, I'm not dressed for this shit!

Mary Beth!

Jesus! Look at all them birds.

Those things are always waitin' on something to die so they can eat it, right?

Weird. What a weird job.

Wish we had something to drink.

Always be prepared.

Oh, that's a good idea. Let's all start drinking now.

See there? See how he is?

Wonk! Dit-dit... Like that guy, you know?

- Remember? Wonk! Dit-dit. - Uh-huh.

- You want some? - I'm not thirsty.

What, you don't drink till after 5:00?

After 5:00.

Or maybe you just don't wanna share.

You're afraid you'll catch something from us, huh?

Yeah...

Hey, Hank!

Hey! Come on, what are you doing? Quit jackin' around.

Now, you see...

That's what you might call an "insinuating" throw.

Remember?

You said that to me last time I saw you.

Could've just said "hint". But no, you had to put on airs.

Show us all them fancy words you know.

What, do you sit around, you think about this stuff?

When was that, two months ago?

Kiss my ass.

- Jesus Christ. - Shit, that's a airplane.

You know what, it's probably one of those drunk doctors.

They're always crashing their plane, you know?

Yeah, it must've come down right there. See all them broken trees, Jake?

It's too dark. I can't see.

Scrape some of that snow off the windshield!

Can't see a damn thing.

Door's stuck.

Probably a singer or something.

Still can't see nothin' here.

Still can't see anything. Can't see a damn thing.

I see the pilot!

- What's he talking about? - Said somebody's in there.

Are you ok?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, get... get off!

Oh, God!

Shit!

Hey, lemme outta here.

- Good grief, Hank. - Let me get this off of him. Here...

Hank, did you... did you... Did you see all them birds?

Did I "see the birds"?!

Come on, help me get outta here.

- Hank, put that on your eye. - Thanks.

- You tore your coat, you know. - Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Look at this!

Shit!

Oh, my God!

How much you think is in here?

God almighty! These are $100 bills! The whole bag's full of 'em!

Is this... is it real money, Lou?

Oh, hell, yes, it's real. Don't be stupid.

Why would somebody be flying around with this kind of cash?

You know what?

- I bet it's drug money. - That's probably what it is.

This guy's a dope dealer because that's what they do.

They fly around in these little planes.

- I guaran-damn-tee you, this is dirty money. - That's right. I saw it on 20/20.

"Dirty money"? What do you mean? Are you telling me it's counterfeit?

Oh, no. No, this is real.

Whatever it is, it's a police matter now. What do you think we should do?

Somebody should stay here, somebody should go after the cops?

- How you wanna work it? - What? Let's think this through.

- What? - Hold on!

What if we didn't turn it in?

You wanna keep it?

He wants to keep it... Well, that's a hot one!

Why wouldn't we?

- Why wouldn't we? - Yeah.

- Because we'd go to prison! - Why?

Why? Because it's stealing.

"Stealing"... Stealing from who?

From him? Hell, he won't mind!

Oh, 'cause he's dead, right?

That's pretty funny... He's dead, he won't mind.

I say we take this bag back to the truck, and we pretend like we were never here.

Fuck yeah. Why not?

Why not? Because we'd get caught.

Aw, hell! I'll tell you what. Stay the hell out of it then.

You know, we don't need you. It'd just be more money for us.

Hey, I don't wanna stump you another fancy word, Lou,

but does the term "accomplice" mean anything to you?

Come on, that's stupid!

But, Hank... Why would we get caught?

Because it's a lot of money, Jacob. Somebody's bound to be looking for it.

When they find that plane and the money's not in it...

- Bullshit! - No, it's not bullshit!

- They'll come looking for us. - Bullshit! This is dirty money!

And as far as that guy's concerned, the cops don't even know he exists.

Nobody knows about this...

...but us.

See there?

Nobody knows but us. It's like we came out here on a hike,

and found lost treasure, right?

It's the American dream in a goddamn gym bag.

He... he just wants to walk away from it.

You work for the American dream. You don't steal it.

Then this is even better.

If this guy's a dope dealer, then, like we're talkin' about...

then that means we're like Robin hood.

Oh, yeah, and I'll tell you what... You got a beautiful wife at home.

You're about to have a baby.

I know you ain't pullin' down that much at the feed mill.