Blonde Fist

"Could I come home?"

"And then it will be."

"Like I've never been gone." "Sha-la-la"

"Can't you hear me?"

"Like I've never been gone."

Don't squeeze it like that. Save that for your husband, girl.

All right, girl? Nice to see yer.

I tell yer, Charlie's the one, he's gorgeous!

The most lovely hair.

- What you having, love? - Nice big cucumber, please.

I'll take five shillings.

Oh..!

Argh. Oh, my God.

Half a crown on John O'Dowd, please.

- Right, thank you. Yes. - Yes.

- Ten bob on 'Dowd please. - All right.

- All right. - Seven and six on Benn.

Ten bob on O'Dowd, please.

Pound on O'Dowd.

Seven and six on Benn.

Ten bob on Benn, mate.

Seven and six, O'Dowd.

Seven and six on Benn, please.

Ten bob on Benn.

Argh. Oh!

Oh.

Mrs Walker, help me get this girl over behind the stall.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, Jesus.

Don't worry, love, you'll be all right.

Me and the girls will take good care o' you.

Belt him. Get into him!

- Argh. - You're doing well now, sweetie...

- ...it won't be long. - Argh.

I wanna go home. Please. Just let me go!

Please. Oh!

Argh. Argh.

John! John!

[SCREAM MERGES WITH SHOUTS OF CROWD]

- Argh. Argh. - Hold on, girl.

Just one last push. It's nearly there.

Hang on. Hang on.

- Argh. - There.

Argh. Thank God.

Oh, oh.

- Let's have a look. - God. Ah.

Now, then, let's have a good look.

There you... Oh, there you are.

- Arh. - Ah.

Ah, lovely.

- Ah. - You're all right now.

Jane!

Is that you, John?

Oh, John. I don't believe you.

You promised me faithfully...

...that you'd never fight again.

And yer drunk.

Look.

It's all for you.

For you and my son.

You're gonna be Liverpool's first heavyweight champion.

This child will never fight.

- Ever. - Oh, yes, he will.

She won't. I told yer.

Ow. You're dragging the eyeball out of me 'ead.

Oh, stop moaning. It's the last one.

You've got to learn to suffer for beauty.

Where's Tony?

He's with young Patsy from along the block.

She's minding him. She's a good kid.

Never so much as a moan out of her.

Ow!

Which is more than I can say about you.

Ronnie, Ronnie, it's Patsy, quick.

Who done this to you, Patsy? Tell me.

Who done it to yer?

- Barbara Crane. - Barbara Crane?

But she's fourteen. She's near old enough to be married.

You're only nine. Well, why did she..?

That'll be the rock she perishes on.

Me and you are going round to the Cranes to sort this out.

Mary, keep your eye on 'im, girl.

And put them spuds on a low light.

This won't take me two minutes.

Come on.

No thanks, love, I've got plenty of religion today.

Tyrone, Porsche, get 'ere.

Get here now, you tatty-headed little cow.

What d'you want?

Have you seen what your daughter's done to this girl?

Doesn't seem much wrong with her to me.

She's just kicked ten different kinds of shite out of 'er.

Look, you. I don't know who yer are...

...and I don't particularly care.

But one thing I can tell yer...

...my Barbara is a gentle, feminine kind of girl.

She's not the type to go around fighting...

...with the likes of that.

I mean, she goes to Tap and Ballet...

...every Sat'day.

I don't know what they're teaching 'er at that ballet school, love...

...but it isn't Swan Lake.

She's just ribboned the face of 'er.

And I'm tellin' you that there must be some mistake.

Patsy, is this the girl that beat you up?

She musta deserved it.

Now go on. GET.

Before I throw a bucket of piss water over yer.

Yeh stupid melt.

Stupid I may be, but I do a lovely line in a black eye.

Now YOU GET... into that garden.

You've asked for it. And don't say that I didn't warn yer.

Wooh.

Right.

Go on, Ronnie, get in. Come on.

Come on, Ronnie, get her back now, COME ON.

Ronnie!

Twat her. Go on.

Oh, hey, look at 'em fight.

Stop it. Go on, get 'em off.

- Oh! Urgh! - Jesus.

That'll do. Go on, hit 'er, love.

- Ugh. - Oh.

Now, you tell Giselle...

...If she even glances at this kid, or any kid...

...she won't live to see fifteen stone.

Eric, get 'er off me.

Get 'er off me. Eric!

- Get 'er off me. - You...!

What 'ave you done to my lovely wife?

- Oh. - Ugh.

Eric, get off me.

Yer fat bastard.

Quick, the police!

The bastards 'ave called the police. LEG IT!

A three hundred-pound fine and a suspended sentence.

They'll lock you up next time.

You've got to learn to use your tongue instead of yer fists.

I know.

I think of all these fabulous, quick witty replies...

...but I just can't seem to get the right word onto the end of me tongue.

I feel the blood rushing from me 'ead.

Me fists go white and the next thing I know I'm boxing with them.

But I enjoyed hitting him.

- The husband. - You should 'ave been a boxer.

- You'd 'ave made a fortune. - Yeah.

and I might not 'ave made such a mess of me life.

Oh, come on, Ronnie. Things aren't that bad.

- Aren't they? - Why, what's up?

Mary, I'm on the bones of me arse.

I haven't got a penny in me purse.

I've gotta rob to feed Tony.

And I've been up on more shoplifting charges than the...

...Queen's had oysters.

And it all makes me feel so angry, I just...

...wanna lash out and punch the living daylights out of...

...someone's face.

You've seen him, haven't yer?

He's been released.

We got engaged once.

And I said to him: I want that suffocating...

...in diamonds before I say yeah.

So off he goes into town, and what do you think he brought me back?

An engagement ring?

A tray of them.

Sixteen diamond rings and not one under twenty pound.

Didn't cost him a penny.

It cost him two years.

Hmm.

Come on, you.

Get yer glad rags out.

Bake that face in make up.

And let's me and you go and find him.

Oh, don't worry Ronnie.

If he's out tonight, he'll be spotted by every compact mirror in Kirby.

What if I see him? He won't wanna go home with me.

Oh, he'll come back here. He'll rag your toffees off...

...and he'll 'ave yer on yer best draylon couch if I've gotta drag him...

...by the scruff of the neck.

Now all I've got to worry about's getting away from...

...him for the night.

Humm...

I know, I'll slip him a couple of Mogadon in a cup of tea.

That's a bit much, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, you're right.

I may need them meself.

I know, he can have the Valium instead.

I've got them on standing order with the doctor.

Don't forget the ladder.

Shush, shush.

Oh!