Father Brown

Please... don't hurt me...

Help me!

CHILDREN SHOUT

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls

welcome to our Festival of Mirth here in the beautiful village of Kembleford!

We have an array of merriment for you today!

We've got jugglers, we've got acrobats!

CROWD CHEERS - We've got magicians!

We've even got a contortionist!

Ooh!

And, ladies and gentlemen, please give her all the support you can

because she's currently struggling to make ends meet.

CROWD LAUGHS AND CHEERS

Sadly, Madam Zoltar, our palm reader and fortune teller

cannot be with us today

due to unforeseen circumstances.

But! - CROWD LAUGHS

Do not despair! Why not join us in the events tent at 11 o'clock

for our jugglers' beginners' class?

At 12 o'clock, we have Miss Elastic, she's fantastic!

And at 2 o'clock, we have fabulous Fests 's magical masterclass.'

So have a ball, one and all

and /et the festivities commence! - CROWD CHEERS

Now, prepare to be astounded by Doodle!

The bravest of all the jesters...

The only one of this band of fools...

who dares to juggle with fire!

All proceeds to The Society for Injured Veterans.

We've raised almost £4 already.

Very impressive.

Jester conventions bring out the best in people, Father.

Why choose our humble village?

We travel the entire country.

And of course, Kembleford is the birthplace of the legendary jester...

Uncle Mirth!

FATHER BROWN LAUGHS

Oh! Madam, it's your lucky day!

We're giving away free cups of tea.

Well, actually, I am a little parched.

Oh, good! Don't forget the sugar.

Thank you. - There we are.

Oh!

Madam, fear not... - Oh!

'Tis merely a storm in a teacup! - CROWD LAUGHS

Oh, you nearly had it then!

You think I'm useless.

Just a bit. - Right, that's it.

Juggling workshop doesn't start till ten.

Bunty's an old friend from London. I went to school with her cousin.

Fred was just giving me a private lesson.

Lucky him. I'd like to teach you a thing or two.

I beg your pardon? - Oh... I love it when women beg.

Oh. - That's enough, Doodle--

Hey. Don't tell me what to do.

You know, you'll learn far more from me than him.

She's not interested.

Mr Chivalry!

And there was me thinking you were just a looney.

Shut up!

Well?

What you waiting for?

Come on, Fred.

HE LAUGHS A coward as well!

Ladies and gentlemen of Kembleford, don't be shy.

Come and join our giggle workshop! - WOMEN GIGGLE

Shall we? I'd rather not.

It might be fun.

Time to titillate your chuckle-boxes!

Madam, we meet again.

Oh.

Tell me, do you find me appealing?

And what about now?

CROWD LAUGHS

Or even...

HOW?

CROWD LAUGHS

Please... help me...

CROWD GASPS - Dr Belmont!

They came...

It was dark...

A cave...

We'll cancel the convention out of respect.

I'll need to speak to everyone. - Of course.

Sergeant! Stop dithering.

There are fresh needle marks on Dr Belmont's arm.

There's a surprise. - Surprise?

She was a suspected drug user.

Won't be the first time she's collapsed in public.

She must have been very troubled.

People avoided her like the plague.

Dr Belmont wasn't liked in these parts.

She was acquitted of causing numerous deaths by gross negligence.

She injected her patients with the wrong medication.

Inspector...

she muttered something about a cave.

Delusional ramblings of an addict.

Suspected overdose.

Are you alright?

Fred?

What's wrong?

It's nothing.

You seemed quite upset about Dr Belmont.

She was the first dead person I've seen since...

Since my brother died.

Oh...

He was a hero in the war.

What happened?

He was shot.

I'm sorry, I need some air.

We need to talk.

I won't change my mind.

I'm leaving.

Mr Feste...

For you.

I hope this isn't another one of your silly tricks.

No, it's just tea. With extra sugar, for the shock.

Thank you.

No, thank you for being such a sport.

I only ever pick on people with... well...

Yes?

Kind faces.

Sorry, I'm not good with words.

You didn't seem to have a problem earlier.

Oh, that's just a character. A mask.

My wife always spoke for the both of us.

Maybe you should just try being yourself.

Oh...

That's the difficult part.

Especially being around someone so...

elegant.

Bunty, may I trouble you for a lift?

Oh, but I haven't given my statement to the police yet.

We'll be back soon.

Back from where?

Satan's Mouth. - Sorry?

It's a cave not far from here.

Could be the one Dr Belmont mentioned.

Oh, so you don't think she died from an overdose then?

There was fear in her eyes.

And the way she died... just like her patients.

I saw how you reacted to that doctor's death.

It just caught me by surprise, that's all.

Stop doing that with your glasses!

I thought you were better.

I am.

Please don't send me away to that place.

Perhaps it's for the best.

I really am fine.

We'll see.

Ah, there you are.

Bad news. Mr Feste is leaving us and he wants his money back.

What? - Every penny he's invested in us.

But without his backing, the society could go under.

All the good work we've done.

You need to make him change his mind.

Let me do it.

You?

Just give me a chance. I'll sort it, I promise.

Very well.

Don't let me down.

Right then, sir, that'll be all for now.

I want to speak to the leader of your group.

It's a chuckle.

What? - Not a "group", but a "chuckle" of jesters.

Where is he?

DOODLE SCOFFS He's through there.

You can't go through there, sir.

This is an investigation. I can go anywhere I like.

Stop, you blithering... stop!

Jerry?

Chief Inspector Dobson?

Chloroform.

Looks like the doctor was abducted.

And then murdered.

But why give her such a low dose that she woke up?

Why indeed?

What's that?

A tiny metal ball.

Could it be buckshot from a gun?

Uh...

Fred, have you seen Mrs McCarthy?

No. About you leaving...

It's not your problem.

But you promised us your support.

It's between me and your parents.

Wait. - Take your hand off!

What's got into you?

I left Durham a couple of years after you.

Gave it all up.

To become a clown?

A jester.

Raising hundreds of pounds for charity.

You were one of the best coppers I ever knew.

After my son died, I became disillusioned...

Even so, bit of a career shift.

It's all about spreading a bit of joy and laughter.

With respect, it makes no sense to me.

Inspector, when did you last laugh?

Well, it was...

Must have been, um...