Perfect Strangers

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kind of change

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now *

Bartokomous. Where do you think you're going?

Well, uh, since it's quitting time, I was thinking

I was going outside to Cousin Larry's car.

Because sometimes-- Bartokomous.

You can't fool me. You are not going anywhere until you compile

that new office directory.

I guess that means you'll be working late tonight.

Well, no, because

I already finish it.

What-- Look.

and indexed and cross-referenced according to blood type.

And look...

If anybody needs blood type O,

this little baby tell them where to go.

Keep smiling, Bartokomous.

Your days here are numbered.

I'm so flattered you would take the time to count them.

It makes me feel kind of special.

Oh, you're special, all right.

Balki, I won. I won.

The winning was done by me. I was the one who won.

I won. I won.

I won the lottery.

The lottery? Oh.

Miss Lydia. Blow my mind, why don't you?

What's the lottery?

Uh, let me take this one.

Sugar, the lottery is a game run by the state

to raise money for the schools.

Now, you see, you pick six numbers

and if it's the right six, you could win $28 million.

Miss Lydia. You won $28 million?

Actually, I won $100.

Five minutes ago, it seemed like a lot of money.

Well, another edition put to bed

and once again I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Cousin, do you know anything about the lottery?

Oh, sure, Balki. The lottery is a scam run by the state

to take advantage of people who didn't show up when they were passing out brains.

Right, Lydia?

Drop dead, Larry.

Thanks a lot. Now I've got to listen to her whine

all the way to the fifth floor.

I cannot believe that he said that to me--

Oh, shoot.

Cousin, I want play the lottery.

No. You can't play the lottery. No, Balki. I want play the lottery--

The chances of winning the lottery are astronomical.

Well, if it's good enough for our space program

it's good enough for me. No, no. Balki, Balki.

You got a better chance of getting hit by a car.

Well, sure I do, but...

...who wants to buy a ticket for that?

No, Balki. You're not playing the lottery.

No, Balki. Balki. Balki...

* If I were a rich man

* If I were a wealthy man... *

I can't believe that after everything I said

you still bought a lottery ticket.

I can't believe you give me the dollar.

No, I didn't give you the dollar.

I lent you the dollar and I want it back.

Okay, cousin.

Here you go. But first,

I would like to offer you the opportunity

to buy half my lottery ticket.

No, thanks.

Cousin, after all, you took me in,

you gave me shelter, you feed me, you--

Just give me my dollar and we'll call it even.

But Cousin,

I'm a simple sheepherder.

My needs are few.

I don't need $28 million.

I think I could slide by with 14 million.

I just want the money you owe me,

Balki, look, let me teach you a little lesson in economic reality.

Will this be followed by a short question and answer period?

Just listen.

This is a nice, crisp dollar bill.

Let me read for just a moment.

"This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private."

That means I can buy things with it.

I give this to someone and they give me things I want.

This, on the other hand,

is a totally worthless piece of paper.

You cannot buy anything with this, nothing.

Zip, zero, zilch.

No one with an ounce of common sense would trade this

for this.

Unless this

were worth 28 million of those.

* I wouldn't have to work *

Hurry up, Balki, it's almost time for the drawing.

Wouldn't it be great if one of us actually won?

Oh. If I won I'd buy the airline.

Then I could make up the schedule so I don't have to work double shifts.

You would buy the airline just so you could change your schedule?

Well, yes.

And then I'd decrease my holdings but maintain

a controlling interest, initiate a three-for-one stock split

and roll my money into high yield junk bonds.

What about you, Larry? What would you do with $28 million?

Sorry, Jennifer, I'm a newspaper man. My beat is reality.

This is the part where he takes the fun out of the evening.

Balki, what would you do if you won the lottery?

Well, um, first I would take a big chunk

and pay off the Myposian national debt.

Balki, the entire national debt? How much is that?

$635.

And then after my country is back on her feet

I would love to do something for the poor people of Chicago.

I'd love to give homes to the homeless,

jobs to the jobless, shifts to the shiftless.

Balki, that is so sweet.

Oh, look, they're doing the drawing.

Balki, where's your ticket?

I hide it away in a safe place,

but don't worry, I write the numbers down right here.

All right, everybody, get your lottery tickets ready.

Cousin, I can't stand the suspense.

Please, you check the numbers for me? Oh, golly gee, Balki.

You're gonna trust me with the winning numbers?

Back off, cousin, just check the numbers.

Fifteen...

Thirty-two...

Fifty-two...

Twenty-one...

Twenty-four...

...and thirty-four.

Let's go over those numbers again.

Well, that's it for me.

Balki, it's over. We all lost.

What?

But... But the man at the store tell me that

he was sure that I had the winning numbers.

Oh, they say that to everybody.

Larry, are you all right?

Balki. Balki...

You've won $28 million.

I won? You've won.

I won!

Good night. Bye.

Well, I'm just a simple sheepherder.

Who is rich beyond my wildest dreams.

I can't believe I won the giant jackpot.

We're rich, Balki. We're rich.

Mama will be so proud.

We did it. We did it.

Cousin, tell me I'm not dreaming.

Tell me I really won.

You're not dreaming. We won, all right.

Tell me again?

We won.

Question...

How could we win if I bought the lottery ticket?

Well, don't get me wrong, I mean,