Goodbye Soviet Union (Hüvasti, NSVL)

For as long as I can remember,

my grandparents have told me stories about my birth,

They tended to sugarcoat the unpleasant events In life,

Living an idealised reality was the only possibility.

In truth, the setbacks already began at my birth.

I was born into an Ingrian family by mistake,

Listen, young lady.

In the Soviet Union women give birth in silence.

When I say “hop", everybody pushes.

It's no use crying.

And... hop!

Yes, it's coming!

Good heavens, it's so small.

Listen...

Why is he so quiet?

He was born prematurely. He has no immune system.

His lungs aren't fully developed. Premature babies cry quietly.

Where are you taking him?

Mum! - Johanna!

They took my boy!

RECEPTION

Stop. It's for doctors and patients only.

Open the door!

Immediately!

Hurry!

Oh, come on. If he dies,

you don't have to be ashamed of a fatherless child.

You ingrate!

What? - Hey, don't start with this again.

You say all sorts of things when you feel emotional.

He doesn't look dead to me.

He looks like Lenin, sleeping in his sarcophagus.

Maybe his father was a relative of Lenin. - Väikki...

Are you drunk? - A bit.

This is an important day to be a bit drunk.

What do you mean there are no incubators?

My daughter is going to die. - Calm down...

Do something or I'll call the higher-ups!

We're short on incubators,

so we are forced to use your incubator.

My son has no immunity!

You have no right to do this. - Open the door immediately!

I'll contact the authorities!

Calm down!

Please...

I beg you, miss. Help us.

We have no time to lose. She's going to die.

Please behave yourselves. We shouldn't allow visitors in here.

And comrade, please don't contact the authorities.

Fine. - Thank you.

Look at that. A Soviet romance.

I don't know how to thank you.

Lidia Dzhoharevna Durdebayeva.

Johanna Väinovna Tarkkinen.

Now then, let's drink to love!

Tamerlan Ahmedovitch Durdebayev.

Véino Eerovitsch Tarkkinen.

To love! - To love.

From the comforting silence of the incubator

I landed between two warring women.

I instantly found myself between freedom and discipline.

Tarakanin!

Tarkkinen, Tarkkinen...

It says here that the child was due in January.

As you can clearly see, he was born in October.

And why does it say "unknown" under the father's name?

Well...

We don't know much about the father.

You can put "arsehole" in there for all I care.

You don't even have an apartment where to bring up the child.

The child should be taken by the Commission for Minors.

There's no need for that.

No need to call anyone.

Let's say he is Leninovitch, son of Lenin.

Lenin was the father of all Soviet children of single mothers.

So that's settled then.

I will also line you up for an apartment.

Thank you! - Thank you so much.

But it will take some time.

Five years, as the houses haven't been built yet.

Five years? - Five, maybe ten.

Your special relationship with Lenin won't help you there.

My student mother wanted to bring me up using experimental methods.

But Grandma wanted me to become a decent Homo Sovieflcus,

It was a battle of ideologies.

Oh, bloody hell!

SILENCE AT 11 PM

GOODBYE SOVIET UNION

My grandparents lived In a closed town.

The border guards not only kept foreigners out

but also local people in.

There you go.

This peculiar place was called Leningrad 3,

which wasn't even on the map.

There was a secret uranium plant in the town

that was never spoken at

Officially it was just a “fabric-dying plant“,

and ii was forbidden to swim in the sea.

The Soviet Union struggled with permanent shortage,

but in Leningrad 3, the only thing we lacked was freedom.

While Gorbachev's glasnost hit the rest of the Soviet Union,

Lenim'sm only got stronger in Leningrad 3.

This is my first childhood memory.

I still had my bangs,

so I was an easy target for the iota! kids.

Fortunately, Uncle Kolya taught them who I was related to,

Run, you little bastards!

At home we listened to the Finnish radio,

leaving the tap running because of KGB.

That is how we learned the truth about Chernobyl.

...the citizens of the nearby residential areas have been evacuated,

Uncle Kolya avoided being posted to ground zero

by going on sick leave.

Mother came to see me once a month,

She brought her boyfriends with her, but luckily also presents.

I vividly remember the day I got my first friend,

Crocodile Gena.

You didn't run out on your friend. Make room for me.

Crocodile Gena, play us the accordion.

Usually people had to wait for decades to get a private car,

but one of Mother's boyfriends gave me my very own Moskvitch.

Hey lad, stop! Call for backup!

Gena and I tried to drive to Tallinn with it to see my mother.

Comrade Tarkkinen, it's the militia You're expected at home.

Stop!

But all we could do was wait.

Stop!

Look at her. Such a weird hairdo and everything.

Came here empty-handed and with no boyfriend.

Quit being a fool!

Mum!

What did that border guard want?

He didn't like my badge.

What badge? What did it say?

“We oppose the Afghan war. " - You silly pheasant!

Have you told Grandma our secret?

Not yet, but I will.

Hands off!

Leave me be, this is important.

A small toast.

So they want to send you to Afghanistan, Kolya?

But you're limping.

You must break your other leg as well, then.

It's no use. A proper heart attack is what I need.

How's that for a toast, Véiné.

I have a present for you.

The boarder guard confiscated one,

but it's a good thing I have plenty of them left.

You can get punched in the face for that in here.

Don't touch.

Is Afghanistan as dangerous as Chernobyl? - No.

I'll take my magic suit with me. It will protect me.

You can even swim in Leningrad 3's waters with this.

Now you're telling stories. - Really?

Am I?

Damn it, Véikki. Are you taking pictures of the plant?

That's enough, Mum.

I'm taking Johannes with me.

Taking him where? - To Tallinn.

To Tallinn, huh? And where will you live?

In that horrible student hostel?

Why can't you get a normal hairdo and live a normal life.

Hairdo, hairdo... Leave my hair out of this!

Johannes is missing nothing here. All his friends are here...

Gena is coming with us. He's the only friend I have anyway.

What?

You want to leave Grandma after everything I've done for you?

Leave my child alone! Don't be such a pain in the neck.

I won't allow it. - You've ruined my life!

I'll swim to Tallinn if I have to.

Johannes!

Mum!

This is all your fault!

Out of the way, I'm a specialist.

He swallowed a lot of sea water.

We have a case of blue algae poisoning. Department 3.

Mum!

You're not allowed to take photos in here!

This is not blue algae poisoning. I demand an investigation!

Good day.

What's going on, comrades?

This woman was taking photos.

Right. Hand me the camera.

This place need some glasnost.

What Glasnost? Give me the camera.

Just settle down now.

Listen to your mother. - So, give me the camera.

You want the camera? You can have it!

Keep your hands off my boy!

Johannes, don't be afraid.

You were already in a sarcophagus when you were born.

Grandpa promises that everything will be ok.

Johannes, grab the crocodile's hand.

As my mother demanded an investigation into my poisoning,

the officials begun to doubt her ability to raise me.

I lost half my hair to the Soviet Union due to the radiation,

and my mother's haircut went through perestros'ka in KGB's hands.

Uncle Kolya was sent to Afghanistan,

and my grandparents lost their home.

Only my radioactive friend was left across the border.