The Wizards of Aus

The prisoners are escaping!

Close the east gate!

Go, go, go, go, come on, come on!

What happened there?

I said close the east gate.

What, he blew an F# on the horn,

that's the note for the west gate, which we shut,

quite well if I do say so myself.

Wait, wait, what's happening?

No, I didn't blow an F#, I blew a G,

thank you very much.

Well, why'd you blow a G?

The east gate's A flat.

It's A what?

Guys, hold your horses.

Killin' it.

- Does our main system of communication rely on everybody

having perfect pitch?

Is that a thing?

Ooh, maybe I did blow an F#.

I'll blow you in a minute.

Not a threat you want to follow up on.

- Hang on, no, this is the one for the east gate.

- Did you just tell the trebuchet men to fire?

You need to know this.

The entire mixolydian mode has been reserved

for siege weaponry.

I vote we remove Horatio from horn blowing duty.

- Oh shit, maybe I did blow an F#,

sorry, here, here's the one.

- Men, all they think about is sex.

I'm sorry, what?

That was a joke.

Yeah, but seriously, Jack, I need you to focus.

Whether you like it or not, you've become like the

figurehead for wizard immigration.

And while I'm really excited to be helping you,

I can't help you unless you pay attention.

I'm sorry, I'm all ears.

And a body too.

Uh, there are guys back home who are literally,

just all ears.

They are gross.

- Moving on, you have been here four weeks,

have your visa papers come through?

Yeah, yeah, um, oh, no.

One second.

Okay, what's with the beans?

- Uh, well, without magic I don't really know how to cook.

- Yeah, but why not just throw the cans away?

Well, without magic I didn't really know

where to put them.

No.

Oh, that's, uh, Bony Tony, he's my yoga instructor.

Why don't you just recycle the cans?

A recycle?

- Yeah, yeah, recycling, it's when you take something

that you've used and instead of throwing it away,

you turn it into something new.

- Now, who's using magic, you salty dog (chuckles).

- Look, how 'bout I give you an application form for

a recycling bin.

Sound good?

Uh, to all my ears, yes.

Just two ears, just the two.

- So, well, how many cans are in that bag, anyway?

Oh, um, let's see.

Lotus.

Shh!

Oh, what you got there, champ?

Not that it's any of your business,

but it's an application form.

Oh, yeah, what for?

Not that it's any of your concern,

but it's for a recycling bin. - Oh, what do you

need a recycling bin for?

- Not that it's, fuck, Skulldrick, just fuck off.

You know you're magic, right?

Just conjure one.

I mean, heck, I'll do it for ya.

Here's your bin.

No, but that doesn't count.

You don't have to do everything with magic.

No, but it is more fun.

A bing, bang, bog,

head of a dog.

Stop it! No more dog heads!

Ah, aye, aye, Captain Jack.

A fling, flang, flat,

legs of a cat.

Remember Jack, you have to use magic again.

You're the only one that can stop me.

Hocus pocus, dipple docus.

Lotus.

Not now, Tony.

Hey, Jack o'lantern, looks like

you got a lot of bins.

Yes, this is rather a lot of bins.

This is an awful lot of bins.

Yup.

I'm not gonna let you win.

Oh, well, I'm not gonna let you bin.

Stop saying bin.

- Bin. - Bin.

- Bin. - Bin.

- Bin. - Bin!

- Bin. - Bin!

- Bin. - Bin!

Bin, bin, bin, bin, bin.

- Bin! - Bin

- Bin! - Oh, binny, binny,

bin, bin, bin.

Binna, binna, binna, bin, bin, bin.

Bin!

Bin.

Excuse me, mate?

I would like a recycling bin, please.

As you can see, the forms are as filled out

as a busty beauty's bra.

Yeah, nice one, mate, unfortunately,

this is Planning, you need Sanitation.

Off you trot.

Bin please!

No, this is Sanitation.

You need Sustainability.

Have you tried Planning?

Oh, g'day there, matey-pataty,

what are you doing there?

G'day, Cath.

Um, Cath, that's mine.

Bloody, Cath.