Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever

I didn't see anything!

They were yelling. They're always yelling.

All I wanted was some peace and quiet.

Relax, man. You just hit a moose.

A moose?

Are you sure?

Yeah, man, I see this kind of shit all the time.

In fact, this ain't shit compared to what just happened on I-95 recently.

I mean, a lady hit a moose and the motherfucker

went right through the windshield, man.

No.

Yeah.

I was partying with my cousin.

- You know... - What kind of partying?

- partying like... - Okay.

getting some hair pie like the man from Nantucket

whose dong was so long them bitches couldn't even fuck it?

And this fucking moose pissed on my pussy parade, man.

I had to come down on a Sunday because he's sitting

in the front seat of a Volvo wide awake

with his head sticking out the cracks in the glass and shit, man.

Poor guy.

I had to put him down.

But I got a picture of it.

I carry this shit with me now 'cause every time I'd tell that story

nobody would believe me.

- Laugh it off, man. - Okay.

- This ain't shit. - Okay.

All right? Just get the kids to school, all right?

Yeah, okay. Thank you.

Thank you.

Stop!

Winston, do you copy?

Winston, do you copy?

Yes, sir, I'm here.

Where the hell are you?

Smith Bridge Road. I'm still clearing the scene from that bus accident.

I don't give a shit if it's a handicapped bus

and there's a bunch of retards splattered all over the road.

I need you back here now.

There's a bunch of suits up here

asking a whole lot of big-city questions about the way we do things.

They were up at the cabin this morning

and I need to make sure that your stupid ass

is on the same page. Do you get me?

Yes, sir, I'm on it.

Sandy Taylor's fucking ridiculous.

Yo- yo, John, you were just asleep at the wheel

for the hottest girl in school.

Yeah, not my type.

Wait, Sandy is not your type?

What does that even mean?

Does that mean you're gay? Did you tell your dad?

Was he bummed, or-

Dude, you see her every day. You know she's a nightmare.

No, I don't know that.

In fact, neither do you. You don't even have a type,

John, you have an obsession.

'Cassie! Cassie, I love you!

Would you kiss me? Would you-'

Seriously, man, don't take your fucking blue balls out on me, man.

Don't think you're the only dude here thinking about taking

Miss Gorgeous to Boomtown.

I actually know you are the only person here

dumb enough to take a girl out whose ex-boyfriend

does have a fucking black belt in kicking teeth in.

Look, man, I told you-

there's no way that she's gonna go with me

just days after breaking up with him. Why do you care anyway?

You hate the prom, so drop it.

I know, prom blows. But this is a whole different thing.

This is important for you.

You know what I mean? This is like...

Besides, it really just proves how little you know about girls anyway.

So- hey, I'm fucking talking. Come on.

If she broke up with him, it's 'cause she finally realized

how big of a fucking douchebag the guy is.

And going to prom with you, that's like the ultimate power move, all right?

You're the smartest dude in school,

you've fucking known the girl your whole life,

and you're head over heels in love with her.

All right? I mean, come on.

Spite is almost as important to those bitches as- as money.

You know what I mean? She knows all this.

I mean, now that Marc is out of the picture,

revenge is exactly what she needs.

For every single girl in this building,

that is the priority- revenge.

I mean, look at those 2 fucking savages right there.

Hey. That's how it is-

All right, all right, I'll think about it.

Just fucking do it. Shave your pussy, get it over with.

I'm rallying for your fucking cause. You need to do this thing.

All right, I'm thinking about it.

You'll regret it if you don't.

Fuck.

I gotta get my goggles from the car.

- Will you cover for me? - What do you want me to say?

I don't know- I'm on my fucking period, man.

Gotta get tampons.

All right, well, hurry up.

Whatever.

Shut up. Don't say a word.

Listen, people are talking.

And how they're talking so soon when it's none of their fucking business,

I don't know. But I hear things.

I don't like what I hear.

So you and your bullshit friends

better stay the hell away from my girl.

Do you understand me?

Look, man...

- Get your hands off me. - Okay.

Listen, I don't care what she tells you

or what you think you know, she's mine.

Do you get it?

It's cool, man.

It's cool?

- Yeah. - Really?

You're dead.

It's frustrating. It's frustrating.

You- I'm frustrating to you. I understand that.

Honey? Honey? Sweetie, listen to me.

Angel, please listen to me.

Don't hang- don't hang-

You have anything to say for yourself before I launch into my tirade?

Nothing?

There are 5 weeks left in school.

Count them- 5 weeks.

And you're a smart kid.

You got good grades. You're going to college in the fall.

Why would you go and do something so stupid

like start a fight? Why?

I didn't start it.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What?

I said I didn't start it.

Where are you supposed to be right now?

Biology.

Biology.

Miss Hawker or Mrs. Jennings?

Hawker.

Well, you better get your little butt down there.

Not even I can spare you from that.

- Jonathan? - Yeah?

I don't want to see you around here again?

Capiche?

Now get out.

Hi. I'm-

Place the scalpel at the base of the throat

and carefully make a slit

all the way down the front

of the frog's belly.

Now...

Got in trouble for being late, by the way.

Yeah, well, so did I.

...and tack it down...

I can't believe I missed you getting your ass kicked.

That was, like, right after I talked about her too.

Like telekinesis-

wait, telepathy or teleki- which one?

You know, I don't really want to talk about it, Alex.

I wonder if we would wait till I left until he kicked your ass.

Somehow I don't think it would have mattered.

Yeah, you're right. I don't even know where I was going with that.

- Alex Hicks! - Yes, ma'am?

Quiet!

- Sorry. - That's strike 2!

One more strike and you're headed to the office.

Mean old hag.

Now make an incision

through the muscular tissue.

Hey.

No way.

You think what they say about Mary is true,

that she's pregnant?

What?

Miss Hawker just told you guys to shut up,

so shut up. I'm trying to learn.

There's your prom date.

Dude, you know what?

Fuck what I said about taking Cassie to the prom, man.

Serious ramifications involved.

Big fucking problem.

Now set the heart aside.

Next is the liver.

Marc's a fucking douchebag.

Think if our dads were millionaires, we'd be douchebags too?

I don't know.

You would be.

You little shit.

Hey, are you all right?

Yeah.

No.

What's the problem?

I got dumped.

Ungrateful shit.

I don't know the guy,

but anybody that would do that to you

is a fool, in my opinion.

I mean, if he didn't realize how lucky he was,

then he's, like, the stupidest guy on earth.