Demon Baby

Hello, Rose.

How are you feeling today?

What can you tell me about the person in this photograph?

It's Theo, isn't it?

Your fiancé?

What can you remember about when this photograph was taken?

Surely you remember something?

It was your anniversary, wasn't it?

Sorry, I was going to let you sleep.

It's okay. How long have I been out?

Uh, just over an hour.

Do you want me to take over for a bit?

Nah, you're alright. We're nearly there anyway.

Well, you looked like you needed the rest to be honest.

Oh, I look terrible.

No, you don't, you just look tired, that's all.

Hey, I was going to give you this later, but I couldn't wait.

I thought we said we weren't going to bother this year?

I know. I couldn't help it.

- I didn't get you anything. - It doesn't matter.

Anyway, I think when you open it, you'll see it's more a present for me than for you.

- What are you like? - I know, I'm terrible, aren't I?

Anyway, you had better wear that while it still fits, okay?

When exactly do you expect me to wear this?

Ah, you know, the usual.

Family gatherings, christenings, weddings, funerals. That sort of thing.

It's lovely.

Well, you know, I thought you could wear it for a few months at least.

Come on.

Jesus Christ, Rose! What the fuck are you doing?

Sorry. I thought I saw something in the road.

- There's nothing there. - There was.

There was something in the middle of the road. I'm sure I saw something.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Are you sure? If you're not feeling up to this weekend, we don't have to be here.

We can turn right around, go straight back to the city. No one's going to miss us here.

Theo, I'm fine. Come on, just carry on, let's get out of the middle of the road.

Look, I want this weekend to be special, yeah?

Just you, me and four days of good,

solid hardcore uninterrupted relaxation.

Who was that?

It was just Emma. I told her I would call her when we arrived.

You know what she's like?

Yeah, so... why didn't you answer it?

It just... it cut out before I could answer.

It's fine, look, I'll send her a message when we get to the campsite.

The reception here is terrible anyway.

Are you sure you're okay?

I'm fine, honestly.

You know I love you, right?

I love you too.

Come on, let's just get to the campsite before it gets too dark.

Okay. Next stop, paradise.

Uh...

why have we stopped here?

- This isn't a campsite. - This is our very own campsite.

Are you joking? This is a car park.

Okay, this car park has the best view in the whole of Britain.

You said we'd be at a proper campsite.

Yeah, well, I kind of thought this might be a little more romantic, you know?

Besides I want to get away from the crowds. Up here it's just you me and the view.

I'm not going this whole weekend without a proper shower.

- I told you that before we set off. - Okay, fine.

If it means that much to you and you stink that badly in the morning,

I promise we'll go to a proper campsite for a shower, okay?

Fine.

It is beautiful.

Not as beautiful as you.

Come here. Come on.

Okay, um, why don't, um...

you start to unpack and I'll put the tea on, okay?

Yeah, sure.

There's nothing I'd rather be doing right now.

So, it says here, we should allow about four hours to get up to the bothy.

So if you want to get there for lunch time it's an early start, yeah?

Yeah.

Come on, don't throw that away. I would have eaten that.

Sorry. You should have said.

It's all right.

Hey.

Why don't you try on your little present while I finish the washing up?

Theo.

What's the matter? Do you want me to stop?

I'm just tired.

Hey, come on, if you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. It's fine.

- I just don't really feel like it. - It's okay.

Why don't we just finish clearing up and get some rest?

Sure, okay.

I know you...

I know you're uncomfortable about it, but...

the doctor did say that it's... you know, perfectly normal to...

well, you know, while you're pregnant.

Mm.

Hey, you go put your feet up and I'll finish up in here, yeah?

Okay.

Thank you.

Theo, wake up.

What is it? What?

I heard something.

Outside.

Something hit the van.

No, it's the wind, honey, just go back to sleep, okay?

It wasn't the wind, it was a great big bloody bang.

Okay.

So it's the generator cutting out, I guess. Look, the TV's off.

It must have run out of fuel. Okay?

- Come on. - Aren't you going to go check?

There's no point, that's all it was. Okay? Don't be scared.

It's all right.

See, I told you there was something out there.

Yeah, okay, just... just stay in the van, all right?

What are you going to do?

Just stay inside, okay?

Look, it's probably nothing, but keep the door shut.

Rose, there's no one out here!

Oh, hang about... there's a van.

No, no, wait, stay in the camper. Rose, stay in the camper.

I'm gonna check it out.

Jesus Christ!

- Shit, Theo, you scared me. - Sorry. We've got a visitor.

Uh, sorry mate, what did you say your name was again?

Sorry to startle you, miss. My names Thwaites.

Constable Thwaites.

I was walking my dog through the village when I spotted your vehicle.

I thought I had better come up and check it out.

We get the odd poacher around here, and some shady characters up to no good.

Right, um, I mean, are we okay to stay up here?

We get lots of camper vans up here.

It's cheaper than the campsite and the views are better.

As long as you take your litter home,

you can do what you want.

Nice van.

I've never seen one like this before.

How long are you planning on staying?

Just for the weekend.

Are you from, uh...

are you from England then?

Yeah, well, um, I mean... I am, and she's a local.

Thought so.

Um, can I get you something to drink?

Tea, coffee or...

Seeing as I'm off duty, I wouldn't mind something a wee bit stronger if you've got it?

Uh, well, I've got...

- A bit of whiskey if that all right? - It's not my favorite, but it will do.

Cool.

Do you want any water? I haven't got any ice I'm afraid.

No.

I'm sorry. Constable Thwaites was it?

Have you got some sort of ID on you?

It's just like you said...

there's a lot of weird people around and...

you could be anybody.

You're not even in your uniform.

Quite right, miss.

You can never be too careful around here.

For all you two know, I could be a murdering rapist.

No, we don't need to see your ID. Rose, come on.

You must have some kind of proof of who you are?

Rose.

No, no, no.

It's fine. There you go.

So do you spend most evenings patrolling mountain car parks

looking for suspicious vehicles?

You'd be surprised. It's a big part of what we do.

Keep your eye on the freaks and weirdo's getting up to no good in remote places.

Well, it's... it's good to know someone has got their eye on us.

Right.

I will be off.

Now, make sure you keep your door locked

and if I were you, I'd get a lock on that generator.

It might not be there in the morning when you get up.

And if you want my advice, book into the campsite.

Lovely heated toilet blocks

and you've got the comfort of knowing there are other tourists around.

Yeah, well, it's, um, it's the tourists we're trying to avoid up here really.

Okay.

I'll be on my way.

All right, cool. Um, great, well, if we...

see anything suspicious we'll call the police I guess.

- Ey, you do that. - Yeah.

Sleep tight miss.

Well...

he seemed nice.

He was a prick!

The pervert couldn't take his eyes off me.

Well, can you blame him? Look at you. Hey...

I can't imagine what it would have been like if you were wearing your little present?

Theo, why do men only ever think about one thing?

We don't only ever think about one thing.

Now come on put that lights off and let's get down to business.

I'm joking, let's get our heads down.

What about those bangs?

Look, why would he bang three times and then just disappear?

I don't know. Maybe he got bored and wondered off,

you know, I spent ages getting out of bed, you know.

Come on, just relax. You've been on edge since you got here.

You're right. I'm sorry.

It's all right. Come on, close the blinds and let's get to sleep.

I think that's enough excitement for one evening.