Happy Endings

Guys, I am loving my job at Chuckles & Huggs.

It is great. Who wants to see pics?

Groan.

- Farting noise. - Come on. What kind of monster doesn't want to see

a pic of me, a chubby Korean kid,

and a state-of-the-art Bubblebot 9000 bubble machine?

Me.

Farting noise.

But I'm doing the Gunnam Style dance.

- You're not saying it right. - Gan-nstyle?

- Ngam-ngam. - Gang-ang.

You gotta swallow the G's, the N's, and the M.

Gangnam Style.

- There it is. - Yes!

- Yeah, - I am just so happy

that you found a job that is so rewarding.

Well, I love my job, too,

but winter is a terrible time for the food truck industry.

I mean, business has been slower than a WNBA fast break.

Tell me about it. Winter is terrible for the store industry.

Store industry? Is that what it's called?

Oh, Penny. (Whispers) Yeah.

Hey, Max. You think I could bum a bowl of cereal?

Haven't had a carb in four years. Feeling nostalgic.

Oh, I remember that crouton. You named it Sonya.

Oh!

Wow!

Cereal prizes have gotten awesome.

Okay, you know what? The phone is mine.

I was hiding it in the cereal box

'cause I can't stop texting Jason,

this new hunk of butter than I'm seeing.

- Pfft. I texted him, like, 11 times last night. - How is that even possible?

Well, first, I texted him to see if he wanted to go see that

new gay four tops cover band, The Four Tops.

- Not familiar. - Then he texted me back,

"I'm actually more of a Smokey Robinson man,"

to which I texted him back,

"I second that emoticon," smiley face. (Laughs)

Then I texted him, like, nine times

to make sure he got that joke.

Maxima Herbert Blum,

what if I were to tell you

I knew a way for you to stop texting Jason

and regain all of the power in your relationship?

Well, Penny Aziz Hartz, I'd tell you I'm intrigued.

Then I'd tell you to come to my home tonight,

at 6:00 PM, sharp.

Most likely because she has

a dramatic speaking class at 7:00,

and it's too late to cancel.

Ohh. Would not eat that cereal. It came with the apartment.

Ugh.

Ohh. Oh!

- Oh! Mm! (Spits) - Careful, baby girl.

Ooh, would not drink that water. Pipes are ravaged with tetanus.

Hope you got your shot!

Ugh! (Gasps and grunts) Mm!

Ooh! That is not vodka!

It's a water sample I'm collecting

in my lawsuit against the building.

Ugh! (Gasps) Ugh! (Groaning)

Ahh. Idiot.

Al, no!

What?

Oh. Right. The cereal.

Ew!

- I got it. It's fine. - Hey, um...

that's... toilet water.

We're all good.

- Good day for your boy Ethan, man. - Yeah.

He was a lord on the big boy slide.

And he really seems to have gotten a handle

on that whole biting other kids' mouths problem.

Why does he do that? I don't know. It's weird.

- Yeah. - Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow.

- Take care. - All right.

Take care, Cody.

Way to own that ball pit today, Sarah.

See you later, menacing repo men.

Wait. What are you guys doing?

No payments, no bubbles. Sorry, babe.

Did you just call me "babe"?

Hey, Terry, um, some repo guys said

we haven't been making our Bubblebot payments.

Is everything okay?

Brad, when my partner Robert Huggs and I opened

this place in early March 2010,

the last thing I ever thought would happen

is that my partner Robert Huggs would die in late March 2010.

- Oh. - He was a business mind. I was a dreamer.

Right. Um... so what, that...

we're just a little behind on our bills? Or...

we're not gonna close or anything?

(Laughs) Right? We're not gonna close.

Brad, I can't say for certain if we're gonna stay open or close,

but I can say for sure we're probably gonna close.

Um...

what?

Did you run here?

No. I took a cab.

So... what's your secret solution to my texting problem?

Jason's got all the power in your relationship,

and if you want it back, it's simple.

You just need to not text him until he texts you.

I can't. I really, really, really wanna text him.

Everything I see reminds me of him--

a train going through a tunnel, an oil rig exploding,

two gay guys having sex.

You are watching way too much stock footage and gay porn,

and I can't fix that,

but I can fix your power problem.

Nochetussin.

My mom got it from Mexico

because it's discontinued in the states

and in Mexico,

which is why the Mexicans smuggle it from Nicaragua,

where it's also illegal.

It's made in Libya in a neighborhood of Tripoli

called "Little Mexico."

"Warning-- good luck."

Night's the toughest time not to text, right?

So you just down a dose before dinner

and sleep a tight 14.

You can't text while you're sleepin'!

You smellin' what I'm passin'?

No, Pen. Be a lady.

Look, I'll even do it with you. I used to do this all the time.

Pete's off on a golf trip,

and I don't want to bug him about wedding details.

I don't wanna seem needy. I wanna seem powerful.

Okay, Pen, with all due respect,

and I appreciate you helping me,

but I don't need to knock myself clear out

to avoid texting someone.

Really? Because you're purposely pocket texting him right now.

All right, let's do this.

Oh, my God! Penny, get in here!

It worked!

Not only did I not text Jason-- he texted me!

Of course it worked. I got a text, too.

Power officially regained. High fives all around.

- Nochetussin is genius! - Yeah, it is!

Oof!

Ooh. I forgot to tell you about the one side effect.

One side of your body is affected by temporary paralysis.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

I can't believe Chuckles & Huggs might be closing.

I know. What am I gonna do without those kids?

What are those kids gonna do without that gym?

Where's Terry gonna store all his 9/11 research?

This sucks.

Dave's been playing a lot of guitar lately.

Some would say too much. I would say too much.

Just tryin' to release an EP by End Of Winter.

"End Of Winter" is the name of his band.

Just gotta find distribution for the darn thing.

"The Darn Thing" is the name of their EP.

Okay, I hate all of that.

Brad, I know how you can save the gym.

What is your favorite movie?

"High School High."

Okay. What is your second favorite movie?

"Anaconda"!

Ugh. (Groans) _

What is your 23rd favorite movie?

"Sister Act 2, Back In The Habit"?

- Yes! (Laughs) - Yeah!

Okay, so think about it.

You can save Chuckles & Huggs

the way Whoopi Goldberg saved that Catholic school.

Oh. Whoopi was so hot in that movie.

- So hot. - Unh.

- But you use your special skill... - Right.

- ...to save the gym. - Wait.

How am I supposed to give 14 consecutive orgasms

to a brick building?

Other skill.

Oh! Right! Yeah.

- Oh, business is my special skill. - Yeah. Yeah!

- Oh! Okay! - One of 'em. One of 'em.

- Yeah, I got it. I got it. Okay. - Yeah.

- I'm gonna do it! - Mm!

I'm gonna totally save Chuckles & Huggs!

(Laughs)

Hold up. That's not the right vibe.

Oh. My bad.

Ooh! That's the stuff.

Yeah, it is! (Giggles)

Okay, Terry, so I looked through your books--

which are actually just young adult novels

you've shoved receipts into--

and technically speaking, we're in some deep deuce.

Hey, look at that.

I did have snake insurance.