Key & Peele

Joey Blunts in the m-m-m-morning.

Yo, Joey Blunts here, 101.2

Yo, hey, everybody, man.

We still tripping on that last--

- That was crazy! - Wardrobe malfunction.

Y'all are crazy. I can't tell you no more.

Like, all dirty, but she's crazy.

- Would you do that, Meatball? - Look, man...

I grew up in the hood, all right?

So no.

No, he would want to, but he can't do it

'cause of that fat ass.

Why y'all always clowning on Meatball?

Meatball!

You brought it up.

For real, though.

You're a lesser person.

Y'all you two got to stop playing.

Meatball!

Lady J with me here, Meatball.

Meatball.

This the top of the hour. I'm Joey Blunts.

We'll be right back.

- Meatball. - Whoo!

KBeat 101.3.

Meatball, Meatball!

So, dude, I swear to God, man.

Stewardesses are looking hot to me.

I don't care how old,

what shape.

I'm just like, let's--

- Let's go. - Let's go.

- Let's go. - I'll meet you at the toilet.

Bring me an Advil and some ginger ale.

Can I get you anything else?

Yeah, you can.

One time, I had, like, a sinus infection

when the plane was coming down,

and, , my girl was just like,

"I know. I know. I'm so sorry."

She was like, "I know.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

Okay, all right.

He's disgusting.

Bernard? He's disgusting.

He's not even like her.

He's an airplane technician. I mean, come on.

And he talks too much. That's why I like you.

You don't talk. You just listen.

It's good.

Okay.

And the captain has turned on the "Fasten seat belt" sign.

Got a little turbulence coming up.

Should be no problem.

Just remain in your seat until the sign is turned off.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Okay.

Excuse me. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Hi, excuse me.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I'm gonna need you to take your seat.

The "Fasten seat belt" sign is on.

Yeah, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom for a second.

I'll be right back, okay?

I understand what you want to do.

Unfortunately, I'm gonna need you

to observe the "fasten seat belt" sign.

That'd be much appreciated.

Right, it's just I read on the Internet

that it's not against the law

for me to go to the bathroom

while the "Fasten seat belt" sign is on, so...

"Seat belt" sign is on.

But is it against the law, though?

The light is on.

Is it against the law?

You see that there's a picture

of a seat belt on that sign.

I know, but is it against the law, though?

The "Fasten seat belt" sign is on.

But is it against the law, though?

- "Seat belt" sign is on. - But is it against the law?

- But is it against the law? - "Seat belt" sign.

- But is it against the law? - It's on.

- Law. - "Seat belt" sign is on.

- Legal. - "Seat belt" sign is on.

- Lawful. - "Seat belt" sign is on.

- Sir, you're being difficult. - Law.

- You're being very difficult. - Law, law, law.

- Seat belt, seat belt. - Not illegal, not illegal.

- Okay. - Legal.

- Fasten-- - Legal.

- Fasten your seat-- - Legal.

- Sir. - I have to piss.

And I have to in the toilet.

Can you lower your voice?

I have to piss, and I have to .

Okay, lower your intensity.

You're louder than me.

You're yelling in my face.

Sir, you're the one who I think needs to tone it down right now.

You are screaming at me.

You're hurting my eardrums.

That wasn't a word.

You're not saying a word there.

This is a word.

- That's not-- - That's a word.

That's not a word. That's a tongue trick.

Okay, sir. Sir, sir.

If you would like--

I would not like to.

I would not like to sit down.

What I'd like to do is go take a in the bathroom...

because it's not

against the law.

So I'm gonna go to the bathroom, okay?

Mark with a K.

And your captain has turned off the "Fasten seat belt" sign.

Feel free to move around the cabin.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Wow.

Good to see you, old boy.

- Yes. - How was Kenya?

I love Kenya. Absolutely adore the place.

You know, it's so important

to protect them, you know...

Indeed.

The few untouched tribes left.

- Indeed. - Yes.

And while we're on the subject,

I've got something of a confession to make.

Oh, dear.

While I was down there, I caught the attention

of a young Masai woman.

You didn't.

She took me for an exotic,

sophisticated superman of sorts

and developed something of a liking to me.

Well, isn't that always the way?

Yes, it is.

And it's quite awful, Gerald.

She came down to my hut

wearing nothing but a fertility headdress

and carrying a husband stick,

and, oh, I had to participate in the customs.

Well, it would be morally irresponsible

if you did not participate in the custom.

You could destroy their entire social structure.

Oh, I felt so terrible about it.

Of course you did, Gerald.

- I felt terrible seven times. - Oh, dreadful.

But, you know, Gerald, I, too, have a confession.

Do tell.

Remember several years ago when I went to the Amazon?

- Yes. - Yes.

Well, I accidentally packed a lighter in my satchel.

Oh, my.

Yes, well, one day, I absent-mindedly lit the flint,

and the entire village took me for a god.

- Oh, no. - Yes.

Every sundown, as I was being fellated

by all the young women of the village,

which is the local custom,

I felt completely embarrassed by the entire affair.

I can only imagine in some vivid detail,

but you can't deny the local custom.

You absolutely cannot deny the local customs.

You can't deny the local customs.

One thing you must do is adhere to the local customs.

You must adhere to the local customs.

You must adhere to the local customs.

Local customs must not be denied!

It's, oh, the least one can do.

It all reminds me of the time I was in Papua New Guinea,

and I introduced the local tribe