Mr. Right

My name's Kyle and I wanna be a policeman.

I'm Gordon. I wanna be a lawyer.

My name's Martha and I'm a T. Rex!

Okay, Martha.

Take me on a date I deserve it, babe

Okay. You can do this.

No, I'm gonna delete that one.

Hey, what's up?

"My girlfriend just sent me the sexiest photo."

Ah, that looks like a butt. My boobs look like a butt?

Just hangin' out in your favorite shirt and lingerie.

Oh, boy. None of these are good.

Dear future husband, Here's a few things

You'll need to know If you wanna be

My one and only All my life

You gotta know how to Treat me like a lady

Even when I'm acting crazy

Tell me everything's All right

Future husband, Better love me right

I mean, was I cheating on you? Yes, maybe.

Ugh! I'm such an asshole, okay? I know.

Do you think that I like being like this?

I just need validation all the time. It's pathetic.

But I think that's something you can work on.

Yeah, this is super-fucked.

But maybe...

it's a new beginning. Right?

Oh, wow.

I like your nail polish.

I'm just gonna...

grab this little fella.

This is what I'm talking about, Martha.

You've got no sense of adventure.

Hey, watch it.

Hey, have a nice day.

Take a look around the room

Love comes wearing disguises

How to go about and choose?

Break it down by shapes and sizes

I'm a man who's got very specific taste

You-you-you're Just my type

Oh, you got a pulse And you are breathing

You-you-you're Just my type

Hi. Hey. Sharon?

Yeah. How are you?

Is that Chanel? I like it.

What, are you with the hotel?

Because I need some... No, no, I'm actually...

supposed to be in Milwaukee,

killing your husband before he can take your half of the firm.

That's what it's about, right?

They don't tell me much, but that's what I could figure out.

I was really proud of myself for that. Gee whiz.

Look, I... Don't hurt my feelings, Sharon.

You contacted a fixer to hire someone to kill your husband.

Huh?

Okay.

So if you're not there, then why are you here?

Murder's wrong, Sharon.

But you're a hitman.

Nobody's perfect.

You're gonna come home and look at me like I'm uptight

'cause I don't wanna have a threesome?

You asshole! 'Cause I'm not so cool. Martha?

It's Sophie. Are you okay? You don't even know me!

She's not okay.

No, because you didn't bring the...

Why would you bring... That doesn't even make any sense.

She's doing drunk closet. She's regressed to college.

We've gotta open the door.

And I need you to keep your eyes to the ground

because she takes direct eye contact as a sign of aggression.

We're coming in. No! No!

This is my whole zone!

This is for me!

You stop judging me, 'cause these are my favorite socks!

And I have only been drinking for two days.

Martha, you look... I feel assumptions from you.

I feel judgment from you. You don't know the situation.

You don't know what's in my heart.

'Cause you're racist!

Okay. Whoa! No!

And you smell weird! I'm sorry, you don't.

Julia, I'm gonna need your help.

No, I am not touching her. She seems sticky.

Get physical with me, and I will get physical with you!

One, two, there we go.

You unhand me, you brute!

Come on. No, I don't wanna leave, no!

Martha... No! You can't stop me!

No! One of you hussies is getting fisted!

Okay, he's heading towards the elevator.

ETA two minutes. Espinoza's team is already in position.

For the money this guy's worth, I'm gonna do my thing big.

Don't let this joker start doing that thing he does.

Amen, brother. Fucking dance party is canceled!

Yeah!

Hey, Hopper, you coming, or what?

No.

Nope, I made a mistake. I thought you guys were professional.

But that's okay. That's okay.

Someone's gotta return the van after he kills you all.

Yeah, whatever, pussy.

Break a leg.

Here we go then.

Stopping elevator now. Well, that's a mistake.

What the hell? He's not in here. Oh, yes, he is.

What the fuck? How's he moving like that?

Catch up! He's right there! No, he isn't.

Wow. Pretty.

Balloons. Wedding? Nice job.

Listen, there's been a fire down the hall,

so everyone's gonna have to evacuate.

He's going in the ballroom, take him down!

Don't follow him into an open space.

Fire! Now! Fire!

When I die and they Lay me to rest

Gonna go to the place That's the best

Die, motherfucker! Yeah!

Goin' up to the Spirit in the sky

Goin' up to the Spirit in the sky

I got him in my sight.

That's a shame. I liked her.

Never been a sinner I never sinned

I got a friend in Jesus

He's by the cake!

So you know that When I die

Well, if he's by the cake...

that means he's got a knife.

Fuck me.

You son of a bitch!

I'm gonna go to the place That's the best

Who shoots cake?

This would have been such a nice wedding.

Well, that was fun...

ish.

I'm not a racist. I'm not. I know you're not a racist.

Heads up! Whoa! Hey, are you feeling...

Ah! What the fuck?

What if that was a bullet?

I'm training you. You're welcome.

Guys, let's go out, you know? Let's get out of here.

It's New Orleans. You know, like,

we're young and free, and we should find a block party.

We could find one with a contest or something.

Like, a contest for our bodies.

And we show, like...

our boobs or something. I don't know.

But I wanna do something...

terrible.

I wanna do something terrible.

Are you okay?

Excuse me. Hello, ladies.

What's this? That was a piña colada

but I drank it, so now it's an empty cup for my friend Julia.

Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ.

Is he here? I knew this was a good bar!

I'm gonna go find him.

Oh! Oh!

What?

What the hell? I'm the fucking man right now!

Oh, my gosh, she's texting. Who is she texting?

Who are you texting? Nobody.

Do you think if I text him I'm pregnant it would change anything?

Is there a pregnant emoticon? Like, pregnant?

What if I text him that I'm dying?

What if I text him that he's dying?

Because I'm going to murder you, you...

Okay, give me that.

Okay. I'm not watching you repeat yourself.

You're like the Little Engine That Could

that just keeps running off the tracks.

I am stopping this train. No more.

I'm sorry. I am. You know, I'm sorry, Sophie.

You're so good to me, and I don't know how this keeps happening.

Do I just suck? No.

Am I just like Suckball McGee over here?

No, you're not Suckball McGee. Oh, come here.

You know what? You're just a work in progress, babe.

Oh! Sophie. Okay.

Why don't you come to work with me tomorrow?

Really? Yeah.

You can just chill, we can pet the cats.

I love the cats! They love you.

Oh, I love you so much. Yeah. I love you, too.

Crazy.

In reference to Target M4937,

you have been assigned a new identity.

You are FBI Agent Leonard Knox from the Alabama field office.

New Orleans PD is at your disposal.

Hopper, because of your personal relationship with the target,

we remind you that failure will not be tolerated.

Eliminating the target is now your top priority.

Knox?

Agent Leonard Knox? Uh-huh.

And you are?

Detective Gus Patrick.

Welcome to New Orleans.

Nice to meet you.