Mercy Falls

Rhona!

Come here!

Rhona!

Oh my God, sick, a hitchhiker.

No fucking way.

You're seriously not going to pull over?

Oh my god, you're such a bitch.

Why didn't you stop?

A hitchhiker, are you crazy?

She could've been been.

- Oh come on there's three of us and one of her.

She could still be a psycho.

She could have been lost.

I don't know, it's just...

- She's stuck alone in the woods with no thanks to you.

Karma's a real bitch, you know that?

- Oh, and by the way, when it comes to Donnie, just

try to not act like such a pussy around him.

He likes a woman in control.

- Oh and you just love to be in control don't you?

In control, on top...

Hey.

I don't hear you complaining.

Look, about Donnie, I-

- It's too late to chicken out now, he's already on his way.

I'm not chickening out.

- Good because he shouldn't be too far behind us.

- Yeah, assuming he's not letting that fuckwit tag along.

Oh there's no way.

He wouldn't do that without telling us.

Twenty quid says he brings him.

No way.

Donnie knows everyone hates Andy.

Oh come on off it, Andy's not that bad.

He's a sleazy, creepy bastard.

No he's not.

He's a wee bit creepy.

And he's loud.

Gonna do the bet then, yeah?

Yeah, fine, twenty quid.

- Yeah? - Mm hmm.

- You know, I don't agree with your fifth wheel theory.

I think that, when he does bring Andy,

it's so he can be all loud and annoying

you know, to drown out the noises of you two shagging.

Shut up.

- Need your help with these 15 bags that you've brought.

It's not that many.

Why have you brought a pair of heels?

The beer garden.

- You're not gonna be dancing on the tables.

Oh, look who has just arrived.

You've got to be kidding.

Oy, pay up.

Unless you wanna go double or nothing

that you'll seal the deal tonight.

Hey, how's it going?

It's going.

Yeah, thanks for coming Donnie.

Anytime.

Hey Andy!

Didn't realize you were gonna come.

- Yeah, I needed a ride, told him he could tag along.

Didn't think you'd mind?

What's there to mind?

Besides, we're gonna need a distraction from all the noises,

and I forgot my headphones.

What noises?

I thought the woods were supposed to be quiet.

They are quiet...

The owls can be loud.

Hey, nice boots cowboy.

Hardly mountain worthy.

Well, you gotta look good

when you set out on a pilgrimage.

Pilgrimage?

What is this "Canterbury Tales"?

"Canterbury Tales"?

Who the fuck do you think you are

actin' all smart and sexy with a name drop like that?

Check in?

You've really got a plan.

I like to set realistic goals.

The map's upside down.

Where the hell have you been?

This level of perfection takes time.

Listen, if we're gonna spend the next few days in the dirt,

I thought I may as well have one last supper.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh shit.

It was an accident.

I'm sorry. - Christ sake.

I'm drenched.

Fucking great.

You're just making it worse.

Thanks for the input.

I'm sorry, it's just

I'm going hiking tomorrow,

it's not the sort of thing I usually do and,

well I only took the one.

Here, let me help.

And ta da.

Sweet!

How'd you learn to do that?

- It's a handy wee hack for when it all goes tits up.

I can't possibly...

- Give it back to me at the end of the night.

Wait, come help me with something.

There's a camel.

And they're all like, we're gonna have to eat the camel.

And so, the Hearts player's like, "I'll have the heart."

The Liverpool player's like, "I'll have the liver."-

This is Carla.

She was kind enough to lend me her scarf, Andy.

Or unkind enough.

Scott!

Watch it dick.

So, where'd you serve?

What?

No, I'd never join the military.

What kind of dumb ass would.

Rhona!

My cousin just joined.

My point exactly.

It's a totally archaic institution.

I don't know, I find it kind of heroic.

What?

Dying for cheap petrol prices?

Rhona!

I'm serious!

We're only in the Middle East for their oil.

And because of the Americans...

The fucking Americans.

So Carla, right?

What brings you all the way to Glen Crannar?

- Just thought I'd try and lose myself for a while.

What about you lot?

- We're heading off in search of Rhona's lost cabin.

That sounds like a treasure hunt.

I'm just here for the birds.

A right nature expert aren't you Andy?

- I don't know about that, but I do like it au natural.

I think I was just sick in my mouth.

So how do you lose a cabin?

My estranged fuckwit of a father died.

Had about 20 pound to his name and a cabin

that's a day's trek into the woods.

It was probably the only thing he couldn't sell off.

Probably not much treasure out there.

I haven't seen it, or him, since I was like, eight so...

- So where are you planning to start looking?

Does X mark the spot?

We're headed towards Mercy Falls.

Do you know it?

- Yeah I've skinny dipped in there a couple times.

Hey, you should come be our guide.

Heather!

What?

- You're acting like we're some little kids that need help.

I'm sure Carla's got plenty of other things

that she should be doing.

God, you're impossible.

It's called spontaneity Rhon'.

People meet at pubs, plans change.

Carla, is there really something that's so pressing

you couldn't help guide our little group of non-hikers

find our long-lost cabin in the woods?

Look, I wouldn't want to intrude.

Intrude?

Tell her how much we'd love her to join.

I think we positively need you.

- And I think you'll be just fine by yourselves.

- No, Carla, please, you'd be doing us a solid.

And you said earlier that you wanted

to lose yourself in the woods.

So, why don't you lose yourself in the woods with us?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the more the merrier.

- Well I suppose I am sort of heading out that way...

To finding treasure!

To finding treasure.

She can't resist can she?

Resist what?

Oh God.

Incoming.

Shit.

Fit as, pal.

Fit as!

'Nother round?

Thanks.

I needed to catch my breath.

- I get the feeling Heather's hard to keep up with.

Heather's Heather.

Oh yeah.

So, this Carla seems cool.

What?

Nothing.

- You don't always say what you mean, do you?

No, I just...

I don't like strangers.